The Numbers Don't Look Good, But That's Not a Bad Thing
On challenge losses, Top Stories and other Vocal-related Things
I've got to tell you all I've considered the numbers, and they are not looking very good. I am not a fan of numbers at the best of times, so don't expect a full-on dissection of just how bad the numbers are. We will briefly discuss that and then move on.
I joined Vocal in March 2021. I don't remember it being that long ago, but my profile helpfully tells me it was, so there you go. There was then a big gap, In which I mostly read and liked things, and when comments came through, I commented on things.
First Time Publishing on Vocal
Then, on May 15, 2022, I published two pieces, "Writing Under My Own Name for the First Time Really" and "Unexpected Villain of the Piece." The second of those stories actually scored my first Top Story.
I then published a piece called "Goodnight, Nonna, Goodbye, One of the Main Link to My Family" on May 20. I got a Top Story for the follow-up to that piece called "Why You Should Proofread Again...and Again!" published on May 23, 2022. In this short publishing run, the final piece was my first proper foray into poetry as an adult. Sharing it with others, a dark piece called "Untitled 1 (Wasted Life)" because it appears back then I had as much problem naming pieces as I do now.
They were all well enough received. Better than I expected. Owning to my experience as a content writer, I was still determining what to expect. I had never really shared fiction with anyone before. This was my opportunity to write more fiction, earn some money, win some challenges, and build a following. You know - the usual reasons. Then poetry attacked me and forever imprisoned me in a battle with words I couldn't break free from. Which is evident from that description.
There then followed a massive gap that included some of the worst things I have done in my life, which is ironic in a very sad and painful way, since the "Unexpected Villain of the Piece" article was all about becoming the villain in my own story of life in the years previous to 2022.
The Restart
I started again, with my first challenge entry into the Full Moon Challenge, called "Gillian Anderson and I", which was based on a very real, very fruity, but oddball dream I had with The X-Files star back in the 90s when I had a big crush on her. Thus began my long-ass up-and-down, rollercoaster relationship with Vocal, the Top Stories curation team and the challenges judges. As I was constantly losing. There have been 69 challenges, from the Full Moon Challenge to Sensational II.
61 Top Stories, various Leaderboard placements, and how many wins? One. "Tektal's Around The World Drinking Session" for the Extraterrestrial challenge. I know many who have yet to have those numbers and have never won a challenge, so I am not complaining. Not really. The numbers are significant because the numbers show that there are better ways to make money, as many will already have figured out. Not a solid, reliable way anyway. I have published 891 pieces, including this one. So, it could be better when you look at it from the numbers point of view.
One win from 69 challenges does not look particularly good, either.
The Point
But this is the whole point. Does it really matter? I am not super rich, so any money for something I enjoy doing would be greatly appreciated, and the extra exposure is all welcome. Of course, it would. But what has become abundantly clear to me over the last few years, especially when I have been most active, is that I love writing, win or lose. Why would I let a little thing of 1 win in 69 challenges stop me from writing? Or does not getting all the Top Stories I think I deserve to make me want to stop doing something I love? I was not a poet or even poet-adjacent before Vocal. Now, it's what I'd classify myself as.
I see things the same way about my first self-published book (yes, that was bound to come up), The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection, available on Amazon in paperback and digitally. Have I sold a stunning number of copies? I have not. Have I become a World Bestselling Author? Of course not. Did I sell more than I expected with next to no marketing plan (as it was just done on a whim to see what it might be like to have a book with my name on it)? Yes. A lot more than I was expecting. (I still don't know all who bought it as the number of sales doesn't match the number of reviews I've received on Amazon, but C'est la vie, as they say in wee Paris.
Will I do another book? - I've been threatening it for a while and will. I have a smaller book of senryu I plan to release of my series "scratches in my mind" and for my NaNoWriMo attempt this year I am going to work on my long-in-the-back-of-my-mind horror/mystery/psychological thriller anthology, which eventually I want to release as a book. So yeah. Despite the fact I am not on everyone's bookshelf, I am still going to do more. Because I love writing.
I have yet to venture beyond Vocal, and I am still planning on doing so because I love writing and want to see what might happen if I try. That is the point. I love writing.
I know only too well that I have a war inside me between my arrogant "I'm the best, and if I'm not, I should be" side and just the guy who wants to make you laugh, cry, scratch your chin, jump out of your skin, and have sleepless nights for a week or two. But to be clear, I appreciate anyone who bothers to read my stories, poems, thought pieces, essays, and articles like this.
"Write because you love writing!" - Paul Stewart, asshole, poet, writer and Scottish-Italian.
I wanted to share these thoughts after another depressing loss in a challenge because I know there are many others like me. I wanted to remind those people and anyone that the winning, the success and all that other crap should be secondary. It really should. You should write first because you love it. The numbers, especially on this platform, will only meet some's expectations like mine don't meet mine, but that's okay.
Just write.
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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Ice Ice Baby
I have no idea what this is going to be, other than a reaction to a student essay I graded this morning, a personal narrative about a day this summer when she, eight months pregnant, and her fiancé went to the laundromat on a Saturday morning. They were leaving when nine agents approached them, horse-collared her fiancé, cuffed him, and put him in a vehicle without allowing him to say goodbye to his pregnant fiancée.
By Harper Lewis2 days ago in Writers
Comments (19)
I totally agree that people should write just to write, but it honestly sounds like you've accomplished a lot, even though it's natural to want more always. :) Great piece!
Ah gerraway wi’ you! So many achievements, be bloody grateful you ScotItal fool 😂😂😂😂😂 I do get it though. You can put heart, soul, and a kidney into a piece, and then you get a fat nothing. In some ways, it’s annoying if it doesn’t get many reads, but if a piece gets loads of awesome comments, then I still see that as a win. I mean, that’s one of the reasons for writing isn’t it? For people to read and enjoy, and create community 🤷♀️ This was a great piece Paul, and might win the most commented on piece thingy? 🤗
Love the reflective journey you brought us on... the best part is the reminder that unless we're doing it because we love it, then we're here for all the wrong reasons. Because love for your work will always show through!!
A good reflection buddy! I am pleased you are talking to yourself like this, like a friend, as I too, in other ways, not just writing, talk to myself like some piece of dirt. Ha! But anyway, exploring other options is good. Operating from a place of ego as you know ends up causing more suffering for everyone, why must we do this, right! 😅 What IS has to be enough, because that is what is, but yeah changing that is freaking hard, that perception. I’m a perfectionist in many ways which is ironic as nothing I do is very perfect or extraordinary, but I guess I don’t TRY a lot of things due to low self esteem. You try lots and that is admirable Paul, you are always abusing the English language, making us laugh, think and trying something altogether different! I’m excited by your nano project.. and a new book sounds grouse! This line made me laugh, “I've been threatening it for a while”! You should also try a paid medium subscription. It’s a bit transactional over there at times, not always, and I don’t spend much time there of late..but you might get more eyes on your work.. as there are so many members. Anyhow, thanks for sharing.
Crazy relatable. We all want to win and do well, almost more so when it's not happening. Plus it's so easy to zero in on the losses. Anyway, great article with advice everyone needs to hear...just write!
It's so true Paul, we wrote because it meets a need in us, it's pleasurable. The fact that writing is currently exacerbating pain that makes writing harder is one of the things that is not aiding me lately. We've all had pieces we thought might have bigger wings, but the sky is very very full.
Is it bad that I love that you identify as an asshole ahead of poet, writer and Scottish-Italian? Loved this, Paul. Keep entering more challenges and I'm pretty confident more accolades will follow. I'm just so impressed that you have 61 Top Stories. That friggin' rocks!
Whenever I don't win a challenge, I just tell myself that it's not my fault of the judges have poor taste 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Jokes aside, I wish you all the best for the books your planning to publish! 🍩🥐
Losses are hard. We’re wired to crave victory. This is such a vulnerable and relatable reflection with an encouraging close. Thank you for sharing so many of your wonderful creations with us!
This is super relevant, Paul, and so fascinating to hear everyone's perspective on! To me, I never thought you would be thinking of numbers because of the crazy amount of Top Stories you get! For me, I've written 272 pieces on Vocal, had fourteen top stories and eight Runner Ups but numbers are always on mind because I can never seem to get the elusive second or first place! I always try to tell myself to be grateful because some people never have TS or RU but it's tough when the cake feels like it's right at the tips of your fingers. I think it just shows the perfectionist in us and how we're all always striving for new heights. What matters, I think, is focusing on all the beautiful things we're discovering along the way so that when we do reach those new heights we'll have stumbled into it along the wonderful journey instead of it being a dissatisfying end point :)
Funnily, I am writing a story that is currently a bit darker than yours, about the strange draw toward writing and the strange reaction to seldom getting the carrot at the end of the stick . I do not really enjoy the game theory approach that is part of current society-- but if you get a top story for this that will be great.
Damn, are we all having similar thoughts? I was delighted for Matt, but saddened to not even make the Runner Up list, which surprised me. I am no stranger to rejection. Most of the challenge results (for those I enter) I look at and roll my eyes more than anything. Unreliable was different. I think because I had a strong emotional attachment to that story. I cared. I wanted to get it and the memory of those who inspired it in front of as many as possible. Not that I don't care about my other challenge entries, but some, like the Lipogram, I'm just happy to have completed. Other times, as you know, I'm just having fun knowing full well I'm not giving the judges what they want. Not this time. But I also take solace in this fact. I *cared*. It's been a long time since I've written a story that I felt *needed* to be told (not just one I wanted to write). And the sublime feeling I had writing it and feel now when I reread it is not diminished by the outcome. Though I am a bit uncertain how I can get it in front of more eyes since the historical fiction market isn't nearly as large as the horror market, and I'm sure the reprint submarket is even more reduced. Well, that's enough prattling on about myself. I think you've done great here! $120 from reads isn't nothing. A following isn't nothing. $305 in Top Story bonuses isn't nothing. $500 from a single contest isn't nothing. I'm barely over halfway to that mark and I had to place in five challenges to do get even that far. And like it or not, the only way to break the drought/curse is to keep at it! The reward will only be sweeter for the struggle
Definitely don't put too much store by numbers. A lot of it is just luck whether a piece gets noticed by the powers that be!
I agree with you on all counts I started here on Vocal about the same time. I mainly wrote articles on what I learned in college. I am now writing drabbles and micro fiction pieces as well as poems and critiques. I really like short-form writing. Great work on your article.
One writes because one has a creative voice.....and that transcends any challenge.You've said it well.
Well as Queen of never wins a fucking thing, lol, I can certainly sympathize, empathize, exercise, theorize? Whatever. You are a king of your own making :) I've seen you grow so much as a writer (and person) over the last several years and am a proud owner of that wonderful book!! You have something only YOU can bring to the table and that's kindness, support, sassy sayings in other languages and an amazing talent with the pen :) Looking forward to more.
Well said. Some people like your writing; some people love it! Some people...ah, who cares about the haters? I love the accolades, there's no denying but the writing is where it's at!
I think losses are a fine cure for hubris, as I have experienced many. Knowing that not everything you write delights others is a reminder that continuing to refine your work is worthwhile.
JUST WRITE BABY! tattoo it on my forehead so I actually do it.