The Last Walk

I stand in a room unfamiliar to me, it is very cloudy I feel. I can not make sense of the shapes. My grandfather stands before me, Baxter. I remember he has recently passed, and this is still true to me. I convince myself that his soul has somehow re-entered his body with new vigor, a straight back and wearing his grey suit. This confuses me though; I swear we buried his ashes.

We walk for some time, talking maybe. Time seemed to flow quickly around us as we moved slowly. He suggested to me that he needed hearing aids. He wanted to know who the best person would be to see as he felt as though his hearing wasn’t the best. I suggested he go see his doctor who would be able to provide any insight to his current ailments. He disagreed; he thought a specialist would be the better route. The next couple minutes, or couple hours, was spent explaining the process of getting a referral from his doctor so he could see a specialist. This distracted me from the absurdity of it all.

He now put his arm around me as we walked. He was so tall next to me. My head only reached his breast pocket. I nuzzled in closer as we walked, trying to understand his newfound height. I wasn’t younger, he was just taller. Larger in person and importance seemingly. I don’t have memories of him ever holding me like this, it was warm and comforting.

We made our way to a bench. The world around me was clearer now. We were in some sort of museum with great halls and arching doorways that far exceeded both our heights. As we sat, I noticed an exhibit of a tiger. I know it wasn’t a real one as its tale was made of two large wires. One was green and one was blue. They didn’t match the black and white stripes that fell over the large orange cat. The tiger let out an uncharacteristically high chortle that alarmed me.

***

As disappointed as I was that the dream had ended, I wasn’t disappointed with it being a dream. I felt like I received some closure from some tears I spilt the day before, mourning him once again. I never felt like I truly knew my grandfather. I had very few memories of him, and the ones I did, I truly cherished. This dream was a blessing and I will hold on to it as if it were a real memory. The last day I got to spend with my Grandfather.

***

Revisiting this dream as I post it here, it has been 6 years since he passed. My memories of him are all but haze and life has moved on without him. My grandmother, his wife is still alive, but slowly becoming frail as the weeks and months go on. I miss her deeply as I enter a new chapter in my life, even further away than I was before. The world around me feels dark and the days drag on as I come to terms with my new circumstance. I may call her today as I feel it has already been too long since I heard her voice speak to me. My heart sinks I dread the day that will surely be coming. I can not bring myself to imagine the pain and grief that will fill my heart on that future day. With luck maybe, my grandmother will visit me as I dream, like my grandfather did. Hopefully then, I can come to terms with what hasn't happened yet.