That girl

I have always wanted to be that girl, the with or have as a friend. I have always wanted to be an icon. In my desperation to be a diva, an idol to other girls my age, to have everything I ever wanted, sacrifices had to be made.

I had to sacrifice the innocent that I once wore like an armor, I had to abandon the humility my mother once thought me and that which I held in high regard. I had to give up my natural beauty and embody so much pain until the world thought I was good enough.

Now I am that girl, the girl with more than 1millon subscribers on every social media account but can hardly boost of a real friend, every acquaintance becomes a competitor, in my world, it is ‘Aut interfice aut interficearis’ and as such nobody is your friend. I give the most perfect smiles when the camera is pointed at me but I doubt I know how to feel happy. I cry on my bathroom floors as the cool water from my shower comforts me.

Maybe if I was not too keen on being this girl, I will be happier. Maybe I might have not accomplished all that I have now but I will be with people who smile and give me a pat on the back at my most basic achievement. Maybe I’ll be have cute little children and their mare existence will be a source of my never ending happiness and a partner who lives to make me happy.

I laugh at myself as I stand from the bathroom floor staring at the mirror, looking at my naked body and how much I have modified my appearance for the world. There’s no going back for me, there’s no simple life, there’s no loving husband or super amazing children. All I have now is a world that would be the end of me, probably driving me crazy first.

I walk out of the bathroom pick up the dinner dress selected my agency and prepare to go for dinner with a business tycoon.