Spiritually bankrupt

Addiction sits on a wide spectrum, but a particular addiction I’d like to address is substance misuse. I have witnessed a specific journey, right back from the very beginning. How curiosity hits the individual, as they start out exploring. Then, they dabble in the middle grounds, getting dependant and greedy. Finally, dissipating and succumbing to their disease, revealing the after math which has crippled the user, taking everything from them. It’s heart-breaking as you observe, unable to save them. This piece I have produced, is strictly non-fictional and portrays real life events, as I’ve come to watch, a suffering addict walk through life. Although, keep in mind, an addict is in-fact an addict, however, they were a person prior to their disease, with a heart and soul full of kindness, their attributes may get lost during, but still live deep inside amongst the rubble.

I once knew a young, intelligent woman. She loved to feed on anything that altered her mind. She quickly learnt, how she could mask all traumas and past troubles by getting high. Even prescribed drugs lent a helping hand. In time, an addiction developed, which progressed. The user’s life became unmanageable, living in fear of withdrawing or being sober. Her tolerance grew, as she was living in a constant state of numbness. Picking up was a daily routine. She used that much, ‘ONE’ of her dealers asked, if she was selling it on for profit. Evidence became known, that the pain once buried, was slowly starting to peer through the cracks. It was apparent, the brilliant technique was no longer working. Now she was both, hurting and riddled with addiction. This is what it cost her; termination of jobs, finances destroyed, as debt built up and savings diminished, then friendships came to an end. What hurt the most was when her fiancé discovered her secrets and came to learn of her relapse, again. Her partner left, removing the addict from their home, as they were cohabiting. With many Suicidal attempts explored, resulting in long hours of drug induced psychosis. She believed she would die, either by her mental health or addiction. Whatever struck first.

Drugs made her forget, with every single hit, her addiction progressed.

masking all her traumas, every high was a success.

Methods explored; Snorted swallowed and inhaled.

Her body started dying, her heart set off and sailed.

Deep down she grieved, for the loss of her soul.

The damage was beyond repair, this time she had lost control.

Criminals get less for murder, armed with a gun.

This war has been lost and a life sentence she had won.

You may wonder or want to ask, how I know her journey all so well.

I know every detail, every feeling and thought.

I know this because she is me.