Society

If you would tell me 15 years ago, that a song will change my life — and the material girl I used to be will live like a gypsy out of a 70-liter backpack, walking around in torn work wear — I wouldn't believe you.

No. That girl I used to be? She had 20+ pair of boots, wore 3kg of make up, lived for payday and big sales and the thrill of the new Dior lipstick.

And yet here I am.

The funny part is I already knew this song.

My best friend introduced me to the movie 'Into the wild'. Eddie Vedder's voice gravelly voice echoed in my head for days, but the song just didn't land. The lyric couldn't pass through the wall of ignorance I built around myself.

I went back to my curated little life, spending every cent I made on nail polish, lacey skirts and leather jackets. My love for material things had no ceiling. It worked for me. Until, one day, it didn't.

I got into an abusive relationship. Getting out of was even worse.

I lost myself in the process.

This material girl staring back at me in the mirror seemed like an empty, painted shell of a human. Someone I hardly recognized.

It was then, when I watched the movie again. This time it touched me. It pierced right through my heart.

I sold all my stuff. I gave up my apartment. Quit my job.

With this song as the new anthem for my life, everything started to make sense. I actually did sell all my belongings, gave up my apartment and resigned from my job.

I wanted to move to Alaska. But I can't handle the cold — so I went to Spain instead. With the money I had I bought hiking gear and set out on a two-month pilgrimage along the Northern Camino route.

I listened to this song every day until the lyrics carved themselves into the back of my mind.

'Society' reminds me of the girl I used to be — but it also inspired me to dig deeper, and search for the things that are important for me.

For years I wandered, searching for my truth. I lived in co-ops. Volunteered for rangers and on permacultures. Lived without money, in a teepee tent in the Scottish wilderness... and eventually ended up planting trees in France and writing poetry under the canopy.

That material girl I used to be still visits me on occasion.

She comes to remind me of all the fun we had and make me wonder how my life could be if...? She sits beside me wearing my red blazer and my Harley boots. She tells me nostalgic memories, and reminds me that my Dior lipstick is still with me.

But this song is here to remind me of what's important:

Living life on my own terms.

Collecting memories, not things.

Surrounding myself with loving people.

And being more me than I ever was.

~~~

This is my entry for Annie Kapur's "Sing Us the Song of the Century" Unofficial Challenge.