Money Choices, Cheering Up A Friend, And Lessons Learned To Pass On

Rupi Kaur’s Relationship Writing Prompts — Describe the relationship your family had with money when you were a child. Is it different from your relationship with money as an adult?

When my parents were together, I don’t remember a money struggle. We always had good food and clean clothes, and I was not aware of any money struggles.

My father was a hard worker and my mother was a stay-at-home mom with five children when my dad died. She had a garden and picked berries, and apples every year. She canned, baked weekly, and sometimes daily. She washed clothes in a ringer washer and hung them on the clothesline.

My parents were not wealthy and when my dad died on the job, she was given workers compensation, veterans benefits, and social security. It didn’t feel like our standard of living changed, even though my dad had died.

A difference I noticed was that my mother took in relatives, and my grandfather moved in with us, until shortly before his death when he was in a nursing home for almost a year. My children were small when my grandfather died. He lived with our family for probably 15 years.

We had uncles and cousins staying with us for different lengths of time. Some cousins that we considered siblings. My mother was always helping someone. In my culture, it is believed by the old people that it is not what you have but what you give that makes you a wealthy person.

When I went to college, I was told that the community services degree that I was in, was developed for the Native American student. The classes for that degree later became an applied psychology degree.

College was not meant to get rich, but rather be comfortable, not have money worries, and to help others. When I got into recovery, I learned that it was important to take care of my family first before I spent on others.

Toward the end of my mother's life, she would run out of food and money at the end of the month. At that time in her life, she was living on social security and it wasn’t enough. She had not worked outside of the home for many years.

When we found that out, six of us took turns sending her or taking her a care package at the end of every month.

Rupi Kaur’s Relationship Writing Prompts — How would you cheer up a friend who is having a rough week?

Listen. Get together and laugh together or laugh on the phone together. Depending on which friend, suggest a recovery meeting, or make plans to go to a movie, or an art or cultural event. Suggest self-care.

Rupi Kaur’s Relationship Writing Prompts — What lesson have you learned from your family that you’d like to pass on to the next generation?

The lesson I learned from my family that I would want to pass on is to make sure that family knows about treaties and the basic history and cultural ways of Native American people in our area.

These are things not taught in school. Also how important it is to include culture in our lives. And to tell the stories of our ancestors that include good, solid teachings and lessons. Winter is a good time to tell these stories.

To live a good life, we were given the seven grandfathers (values). I pass them on as best I can by showing and sharing those values. There was a lot of addiction in the family when growing up and there continue to be many family members stuck in an addictive lifestyle.

I want to be a good role model for recovery, by not drinking alcohol or using drugs, by not gambling or compulsively overeating, not spinning around the addicted ones, and by not getting wrapped up in any obsessive and compulsive behaviors myself.

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First published by Mercury Press on medium.com