Me Ves Y Sufres by Hope Of The States

There are plenty of songs I could’ve written about for Annie Kapur’s challenge — songs that touched me, got me through dark days, reminded me to keep going. But when I sat down to write, I knew I’d be lying if I didn't pick this one.

This song really sees me. The one that cuts through all the excuses, the self-mythologizing, the damage I’ve done, and the lies I told — to others, and worse, to myself.

That song is Me Ves Y Sufres (translates in English to "See Me and Suffer"), by the early-2000s English indie band Hope Of The States. They released two albums, gathered a loyal following, and then disappeared. They’ve recently reformed, but for me it’s always been The Lost Riots — a debut that sounded like a revolution.

Except for this song.

Me Ves Y Sufres is the bruised heart of the album. It starts stripped back, ballad-like, and is utterly devastating. Where the rest of the record urges you to believe in something, this song is about realising maybe you never believed in anything — at least nothing true. It’s about knowing you were loud, self-righteous, certain... and wrong. That your ideologies were “dumb,” that your speeches masked insecurity. That, deep down, you were hollow.

I’ve cried listening to it. Every time. And that’s saying something — I cry at a lot of songs: Wires by Athlete, Folding Stars by Biffy Clyro, Hurt, Mr. Bojangles. But this one? This one doesn’t just make me emotional. It exposes me.

I’ve struggled for years with sex and porn addiction. I’ve nearly destroyed my marriage. My family. Myself. And through it all, I pretended I was a good man. Claiming I was about growth, honesty, and values — while lying through my teeth.

"I've got no good in me for anybody

I've been ruined by the lies I told to everybody

It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this

I hope there's something better than this for me"

This song holds up a mirror I’d rather avoid. It doesn’t let me hide behind intellect or charm or moral grandstanding. It reminds me that saying you're good doesn’t make you good. Real redemption isn’t something you talk about — it’s something you do, day by painful day.

"I used to think I had something to say

But my dumb ideologies gave me away

I keep my mouth shut, but it's always the same

Over and over and over again"

I don’t know if this song helped me get better. I don’t even know if I’m better. But it’s stayed with me. It’s a companion in the worst moments, and a warning in the quieter ones. It reminds me I’m not the first to fail, fall, or pretend. It reminds me I’m not alone in the mess.

And maybe, if there's grace to be found, it’s in facing that — honestly, unflinchingly — and still choosing to try again.*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: This is for Annie Kapur's Sing Us The Song of The Century Unofficial Challenge, which you can find out more about by following the link.

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