Marriage Is Like a Battery: How We’ve Stayed Charged for 20 Years

May 2025 marked 20 years of marriage for my husband and me, and I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Two decades of laughter, arguments, inside jokes, late-night talks, hard decisions, and silent stares that meant “I love you” and sometimes “I need space.”

Looking back, I can tell you this: it was never 50/50.

It was 100, combined. Sometimes I had 80 and he had 20. Sometimes he carried us when I was drained. That’s what made it work. It was never about being perfectly equal. It was about showing up, even when one of us didn’t have much left in the tank.

When There’s Too Much Positive Charge: The Burnout

Yes — too much of the good stuff can throw things off. Think about it: when a battery gets overcharged, it overheats. In marriage, this looks like:

⚡ Trying to fix every issue all at once

⚡Setting crazy-high expectations that leave no room for human flaws

⚡ Living in constant emotional highs and lows

⚡ Being together too much without space to breathe

⚡ Overcommitting to work, kids, family, and forgetting to rest

We burned out like this more than once. We thought love meant doing all the things all the time, but really, it just left us fried.

How we cooled things down:

• We let go of perfection
• We gave each other breathing room
• We laughed more and “deep-talked” less
• We made room for real life, not just rom-com-level romance
• When the Charge Runs Low: The Disconnection

Then there were the times the battery ran on empty. No spark. No connection. Just logistics. You know — who’s picking up the kids, did you pay the bill, what’s for dinner?

That slow drain creeps in when:

🔻 You stop talking about anything real

🔻 Little resentments pile up

🔻 Hugs turn into shoulder taps

🔻 Everything feels like a routine

🔻 Life gets so busy, the relationship gets pushed to the bottom of the list

We’ve been there too. It’s quiet, but not peaceful. You look at each other and wonder when the last time was that you really saw one another.

How we recharged:

We asked better questions — “What are you dreaming about lately?” instead of “Did you take out the trash?”

• We said thank you for the small stuff
• We touched more — hugs, hand squeezes, forehead kisses
• We tackled resentment head-on instead of letting it fester
• We did something new together, even if it was just a walk somewhere unfamiliar

The Charge Changes Over Time . Like any battery, marriage needs different energy at different stages:

🔋 Newlyweds are full of spark and figuring it out

🔋 Parents of young kids are running on fumes and survival mode

🔋 Mid-life couples are balancing careers, teens, aging parents, and dreams they put on hold

🔋 Empty nesters are rediscovering each other without the noise of everyday life

Our needs changed. So did our rhythm. That’s not a failure — it’s evolution.

Final Thought: Check Your Battery

A good marriage isn’t about having no problems. It’s about learning when to cool things down, when to plug back in, and how to support each other through the ebbs and flows.

So here’s what I’ll leave you with:

💬 Is your marriage overheated and overwhelmed, or quietly running low?

💬 What’s one small thing you can do today to check in — on yourself, and on each other?

Because just like a car battery, your relationship won’t last if you never open the hood.

💙🔋 Here’s to 20 years — and hopefully 20 more, fully charged.