Loving Self

Self-love is the road toward healing. These prompts are an invitation to step inside yourself. Rupi Kaur

Today is the funeral for a good, strong supportive woman in my life while growing up. She taught me so many important things. She was both tough and loving. She taught me the importance of loving and caring for myself.

Rupi Kaur’s Self-Love Writing Prompts — Describe someone or something that pulled you out of deep sorrow?

It took me years to divorce my first husband. He was the father of my children. He was my first love. How could I leave him? He had a disease. Alcoholism. Addiction. What about until death do us part? Our vows? In sickness and in health.

My friends and children helped me by saying, “If you are meant to be together you will be.” “Shit or get off the pot!” and “Mom, we have to leave Dad!” So, if it wasn’t for our children, I may have stayed but it wasn’t fair to them.

A family program helped me do what was best for our children, and he later thanked me for that. And it wasn’t easy!

Then about a year and a half after the divorce, I went to treatment for depression. That was great as I was allowed to grieve for 30 days. Not all at once but every day I would do something that helped me to grieve the loss of my first love and the father of my children.

Rupi Kaur’s Self-love Writing Prompts — What’s one thing you suffered through that you wouldn’t want anyone else to endure? And if they did, what would you want them to know?

In 2012, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I was at a point where I was sitting up and sleeping as I couldn’t breathe when lying down. During diagnosis, I passed out and was taken to intensive care. There I coded.

They started chemotherapy after still more testing and consults. Before this happened, I had been seeing a medicine man. He gave me medicine to help me through what treatment I would be given.

He told me where the cancer was and said it hadn’t spread. He told me when in the hospital to keep taking the medicine he was giving me (he knew I would be in the hospital).

The medicine man knew I would be okay. He described the cancer. He said it was something I got from caucasian people and he couldn’t fix it for me. He could only give me medicine to help me through the treatment. And he did.

In May, it was 11 years since I completed my rounds of chemotherapy. If you can avoid that try other things before it is too serious. I couldn’t. It took a long time to diagnose. Three rounds of antibiotics and testing.

At the hospital, while unconscious my husband was in charge and signed the go-ahead for chemotherapy and stopped the medicine I was supposed to continue while in the hospital.

I would tell others that I was low on vitamin D and progesterone. High estrogen. Both are things that a cancer lady (who specializes in working with terminal cancer patients) told me about. I started on both after cancer treatment. I was told the cancer was treatable, probably not curable.

There are many other things I do to prevent the cancer from reoccurring. It will happen if something else doesn’t get me first. At 70, who knows? The chemotherapy made me vulnerable to other things. I never had allergies but I have several now for example.

Rupi Kaur’s Self-Love Writing Prompts — Sounds that nourish me the most are ______________.

Babies' laughter is the first thing I think of right off the top of my head that is nourishing to me. I think of how easy it is for babies to laugh and how much they laugh.

My sponsor laughed easily and it always felt so genuine. I wanted that. I got that. I can laugh easily today. It wasn’t always that way. My facial muscles and sides and stomach muscles would hurt when I smiled or laughed as they weren’t used to working. Not since my 30s has my face or sides hurt.

Then, my mother was the funniest person in my life. When I was down and visited with my mother, she knew just what to say to help me smile and laugh. I miss her.

I love all types of music. My husband is an old country-only guy, so I do tire of old country but I still enjoy it occasionally. Music is good for the soul!

Today, I listen to music, comedians, and reels that have babies laughing, animals acting silly and I laugh with others who teach laughter yoga. My husband and I fit laughter in every day. I love that about my husband. He grew up with Native Americans and has the sense of humor that I have.

~~~~

First published by Mercury Press on medium.com