Journey 103: Overcoming The Fear of Imperfection and External Validation

This has to be one of the most relatable topics there is. That feeling of not being good enough? I've been there—and I'm sure you have too at some point.

This is something I struggled with for quite some time, and before I knew it, it turned into full-blown imposter syndrome. Nothing ever felt enough—even if others praised it, it didn’t matter. That feeling of not being good enough comes and goes—but I realized that dwelling on those feelings gradually turns them into a mindset—a very destructive one. It opens doors to various problems: negative self-talk, destructive self-criticism, perfectionism, and a whole lot of other damaging behaviors. It leads to seeking external validation on a daily basis until it becomes a lifestyle—basing your worth on other people’s opinions.

I painfully recall a lot of opportunities I missed simply because I was scared of what people would say or whether they would judge me harshly. The thought of them making jokes about me trying something out of my league was paralyzing. These were things that would have helped me grow, pushing me to leave my comfort zone—but I doubted myself, my abilities, and worried too much about what others would say if I didn’t do well enough.

Letting Go of Validation From Others

One of the best feelings in the world? **Knowing deep down that I am enough. I am doing my best. And I don’t need anyone else to tell me that. **

When moments of self-doubt creep in, I tell myself, "Anthonia, it's okay... you're doing your best. I see you." Like I'm talking to my own best friend—because I am. And this has helped me evolve in my self-love journey. Here’s exactly what I did to let go of those self-sabotaging behaviors:

Step 1: Realizing That You’re Just Doing Life for the First Time

You're allowed to make mistakes, love. You're allowed to have those moments of self-doubt. But you are filled with so much potential—and you do yourself a great disservice when you dwell on those mistakes. You make mistakes because you’re progressing. And progressing means gradually stepping out of your comfort zone—that’s courage, and it already puts you ahead.

Step 2: Being Your Biggest Cheerleader

Don’t wait for them to tell you that you did great, or to give you a pat on the back—give that to yourself! Buy yourself a nice little treat after that stressful project or test, or when you achieve something—no matter how small. This might seem insignificant, but these small habits helped me rewire my mindset and develop a deserving mindset. I know that I did well, I know that I put in the work, and I know that I deserve something good.

Step 3: Accepting That It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

I had to keep reminding myself of this because I was really held down by imposter syndrome at a stage in my life. I gradually got rid of it by validating myself every single day:

🌱Speaking daily affirmations

🌱king a list of my past achievements in my journal

🌱Admiring how much progress my skin was making in my skincare journey

🌱Getting myself little treats after every win—and most importantly, after every loss.

Yes—after every loss or times when I didn’t perform so well. Why? Because I saw myself as my best friend. And that’s exactly what I’d do for a best friend in a similar situation. I would say kind words to her, try to cheer her up, get her a little treat, and encourage her to keep giving it her all.

So I did all of these for myself—literally giving myself hugs and vocally speaking to myself whenever I felt less than enough.

The Highest Version of Me Knows Her Worth

Over time, I started seeing myself as deserving of every single good thing—because it's 100% true. I'm doing my best, I'm trying, and most importantly, I'm leaving my comfort zone and putting myself out there. It’s scary, and I’m filled with doubts—but I do it anyway. So tell me, why don’t I deserve all the love and validation there is?

I don’t wait to get it from anyone else—I give that to myself.

I'm my own lil princess—of course, I’ll treat her (me) with love! And you should too.

In my opinion, our real self-love shows in the moments we feel the least, when we're in doubt, and when we feel not enough. That’s where real growth begins. Be your own bestie. Every bit of love and validation you ever wanted—give it to yourself.

This doesn’t just rewire your mindset—it helps you evolve into the highest version of yourself.

And the highest version of me? She doesn’t settle for the bare minimum, seek validation from anyone, or put others’ opinions above her own. She is on her A-game, focused on improving, progressing, and making herself proud.

That’s what I want. That’s what you want.

Make it happen.

✨ What are the little ways you show yourself love when those feelings of doubt creep in? I’d love to hear all about it in the comments! If this resonates, drop a 💓 and share with someone who needs to hear this. ✨