Invisible Sometimes, Yes!

Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones Deck Prompts - How are you invisible? Go, ten minutes.

When I feel invisible, it feels like it is about being old, a female, and a Native American, or any one of those things individually.

With many young people, I am considered old, and what do I know? Even when my people who were raised in the culture use the respect of waiting on me, or listening until I am finished speaking, it can still feel like I am invisible, as there are things I can do for myself.

Then being female in a male world is difficult at times, as it is clear that I am not a male and should not be speaking up about this or that. Especially a white male's world. It is easy to ignore me in this world. 

Then, being Native American, just the color of my skin for some racist people is enough to treat me badly, ignore me, and not speak to me. 

At times, all of these things and more leave me feeling invisible.

Then there is writing on both Vocal and Medium, where I write every day, and some days I feel pretty invisible. I decided a while ago that my writing is for me. 

When I am working on a Poem a Day in February, on Facebook, that is when I feel like I am the most helpful with my writing, as I actually see people getting some grieving done with their writing.

I enjoy the compliments on my writing, and sometimes I'm not sure if it is my writing or if it is the contests on Vocal Media that encourage the commenters.

My profession is questioned when I am presenting or ignored at times, probably for all the reasons above. When you work in a field for 40 years, you do become a bit of an expert. I don't understand this, but I don't have to. I will continue with my message until I am no longer able to give it!

Some ignore my fight for water, being a fight for life, for now and our future generations. I have been asked why I don't fight for something important. It is not the only fight I am involved in.

Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones Deck Prompts - This topic is a chance to come forward. We have so many parts. What do we hide to protect ourselves? What is secret within us? What are we afraid to share?

Today, I don't feel like I'm hiding anything. To protect myself, I don't frequent certain stores or even certain towns. Sometimes hiding has to do with not speaking up, as it is not up to me to share my beliefs in a room full of Christians, for example. 

I was at a funeral yesterday and a baptism today with clergy that I haven't been with before. Their message was pretty strong about the importance of believing that Christ is the savior, and without Christ, you could go somewhere that you wouldn't want to go.

When my sister died, she told me that she could go to the Everlasting happy place, heaven, and Valhalla. She said that time is different, so she can be at my house on a holiday and see other family and friends too on that day. I had no idea where Valhalla was, so I googled it, and I can see why she would go there. I believe her.

Now is that something I would bring up in church, or at a funeral, or anywhere? No. No one would ever believe that. I wasn't sleeping or dreaming, I was awake with that message. I wondered out loud why she would come to my house when her children lived in other places and she had friends all around the country. The message was comforting.

I can understand why someone may ignore what I say. That crazy old Indian woman. And why I may feel invisible too, as there are so many cultural differences. I was taught to focus more on similarities and that I don't have to say everything I think or know.