My Home, Funeral Service, And How To Be Remembered After Death

Gregory Stock, Ph.D The Book of Questions Prompts — Which of the following restrictions could you best tolerate; leaving the country permanently, or never leaving the state in which you live now?

This part of the country has been my people’s home since right around 1492 or so. Some say it happened before, as some knew what would happen.

Our people were directed to move to where the food grows on the water. It is now known as wild rice. I would not have any problem with living here the rest of my life. As I am retired, I have very little opportunity or wish to go anywhere else.

My home is where my family is and where my heart is

Some friends go south in the winter, but it has never been my wishes

to leave the state for warmer weather. I enjoy the beauty here

that you just don’t get everywhere. The 4 seasons are where

I wish to be. Sure, there are places I may like to visit, but no

something always comes up. I have some family here and there

who visit home now and then. It’s not enough, and so

we keep up with social media and talking on the phone

It used to be more visits, but not as much with the kids grown

Gregory Stock, Ph.D The Book of Questions Prompts — How do you picture your funeral? Is it important for you to have people mourn your death?

My plan is to be buried where my parents are buried. On a reservation where I am enrolled. The cemetery is Catholic. We have several non-Catholics in this cemetery. My grandma was Catholic.

My mother was a practicing Catholic, all the while she and her sisters supported Kateri Tekakwitha being made a saint in the church. It was a yearly gathering time around the country for them to have a sisters retreat.

When making out a will a few years ago, there was a section to talk about a funeral. We both did that part. My husband wants his ashes sprinkled on the land we live on now. Where his grandparents settled over a hundred years ago.

My wishes are to be buried within the four days, as is common with my people. I suggested songs that were favorites of my mother and sister. I have a sense that it should be a celebration, as I have no intention of doing this life all over again. I wish to stay with the Creator and other souls that have gone before.

There will be some that will mourn, and that will be okay, but I wouldn’t expect or want that for anyone. I know it is a reality, and grief should happen, and hopefully get resolution, and not cancer or other such illness from not doing their grief work.

Gregory Stock, Ph.D The Book of Questions Prompts — How would you like to be remembered after you die? What would you like said at your funeral? Whom would you like to speak?

That crazy woman, who was always talking about the importance of doing your own trauma, grief, and loss work so that you may be helpful to our Native American people, and our people in recovery. That without doing that, you may feel sympathy that isn’t helpful, but won’t know empathy that is helpful.

People that I have worked with — I remember when she said this, and that was so helpful for me. She taught me Reiki, and that has been such a blessing. She encouraged laughter and tears; some of that laughter yoga stuff is the best. She had me doing art for healing. We wrote group poetry.

Whomever wants to speak is okay with me. I wouldn’t expect close family or friends to do that, but if they wish, I can already hear what they may say. Mary, “When we were in the BWCA, and something happened where I needed help, she would say, “I would like to help, but I can’t”.

Rose said, “I told her if she was meant to be with her husband, that they would be, but it wouldn’t be sick, and she left him just like that. I guess that made sense to her.” I told her Verna said to shit or get off the pot. And I didn’t leave him, but what she said made sense. We have laughed about that for years.

Felicia would say, “She said, let’s get together a grief group with some friends so we can do some of our grief work. We ended up facilitating and not getting any of our grief work done, because those damn women had some old grief work going on. It was just like it just happened, and it was 15–20 years old work.”

We all laughed well together. Rose and I were in Dallas at a Mary Kay convention together. She was my boss and I was her’s at different times. Mary and I spent years up in the BWCA, and we still get up there on occasion. Felicia lives a couple of states away now, but we have had so many good times together, laughing on the phone and in person.

They will all get after me like my sister would. Tell me what to do. And be there whenever I need them, but won’t ask. They are my sisters now. My brothers will miss me. I keep track of them and what’s going on with them. I spend more time talking with some of their kids than they do.

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Published first by Mercury Press on Medium.com