Imagining

I have always struggled with those "What would you do if.." questions.

I have never struggled to imagine.

So while I cannot precisely determine which decision my mind might make in the instance little old me finds herself in the presence of an Australian Brown Snake (picture a snake, then make it brown. Such a creative name. Flawless. Takes into account every different shade of brown there could be! Wait..do snakes tan?)

I have no idea what I would do, but I feel as though I may have watched too many episode's of Steve Backshall's show, Deadly 60, because part of me might want to use my sneaker to 'hypnotise' it into being calm.

Snakes can just go away, please.

What was I saying?

Oh. Imagining. Too much.

Ever daydreamed while moving? Like, not necessarily just stuck on a train, or a ferry, or a bus or a tram or an aeroplane?

While moving around people, perhaps?

I have.

Which is precisely why I'm writing this.

I want you to imagine something with me. But please don't close your eyes or this will definitely become much harder to do.

A word of warning: There will be no restraint on the bad humour, this is awkward, this is new, and I'm trying to cope. Stay with me here or please run and save yourself. I won't take it personally.

You're walking somewhere. Maybe in a school corridor, or courtyard. Maybe on your way to work, or somewhere inside a building. Somewhere familiar, like that coffee shop you keep going back to, or some other vague-but-specific place I can't think of, because who am I kidding I'm not very good at this.

Ahem.

You're walking there, doing what you're doing. And you might see someone you know. Not necessarily someone you know well, but you know their name, their face at the least, and have seen them before.

Picture this.

It's a simple we-have-to-pass-each-other situation. Don't worry about details or shoulder room, right-of-way or anything like that. You see them, they see you, and you have to pass.

What would you do, if their face broke out into a grin. Something you see on someone's face when they see their favourite person, are doing their favourite thing.

Genuine. Complete. Total. Joy.

At you.

And they drop everything and smile. Might give you a hug if that's not awkward, or might just soak in this moment, here with you. Platonic or not, whatever it is. Maybe they haven't seen you for a long time, or maybe only 20 minutes ago. Time doesn't matter. Because what you see is:

Genuine. Complete. Total. Joy.

Think about this part of your life.

How far you've come.

How much you've gone through.

Your hopes,

Your dreams,

The stuff you regret,

The stuff that's shit..

And the feeling that has.

But just like everything, as we all learnt in physics,

What goes up, must come down.

Think about the hole. The gap. The strain.

If it's there, if it's not.

How far away it is, if it is there.

Breathe.

..........

(this is me giving you time to keep breathing. however long you need; more words doesn't imply that you must continue reading. they aren't going anywhere.

..........

(and if they do, i'll blame the brown snake in my local park. and i'll blame the blue tongue lizard for sticking his head out from under the curtains and scaring everyone because he looks like a snake until you realise he has legs...wow okay i think i need to chill. awkward am i right?)

..........

I imagined a similar situation some 30 minutes ago, and what struck me as...well, I know I'll inevitably try to play it off as something of a minor inconvenience, a temporary thought as all momentary imaginings are, it didn't feel like that.

It felt heartbreaking.

Because in that scenario, IF that person I saw had said my name and smiled and maybe ran up to ask how I am,

I think I might've cried.

..........

I'll leave it there.

Until next time, friends.

Thank you for reading this sequence of ramblings and whatnot.

🌱