I want to be found

Leaves were starting to dwindle into a yellow brown color and the reminiscence of summer began to unravel in my memories. As the leaves fell to the ground and the air became so cold I had to double wrap myself in my knitted light blue blanket. It was the only extremely soft and warm blanket I had for fall. Although fall had begun. I can still smell the sunscreen on my face melting into my skin. I could see the stage I was on, dreaming of the actress I could become.

That was the goal that past summer, become more and more an actress that people were so excited to see. To be known, to be seen. The moment I hit the stage, the brown newly painted floors rose from under me. I was so high compared to the crowd of about hundred people. I began to panic with nerves. My lines weren’t long, but I played an important role as an artist. As I began to say my lines my knees began to buckle. I have to be strong I thought. Then, I decided to break the ice and do something funny to calm my nerves. I went off book.

I started looking for the missing character in the scene under the table. I crawled on my hands and knees. “Hello where art thou? Mr. Bones” I said out loud. I heard one chuckle from the crowd. When I realized it was one. I immediately ran off stage.

The director came down from his seat and told me that wasn’t right of me. He said he would have to replace me for the next show. He was frustrated and irritated, I didn’t budge I know in that instant it wasn’t for me. As much as I wanted it to be. I figured I was a failure.

As the yellow leaf hit floor so did my throat start to swell of the memory realizing I had failed. But then I remember thinking about the chuckle from the crowd I wondered what great soul decided to laugh at my nonsense. Perhaps they felt like they didn’t want me to feel bad or maybe they just thought it was funny.

The show ended, I remember feeling so lost. I just wanted to be found. As I walked to my car when the show ended. A young man randomly approached me. “Aren’t you the girl in the play?” he said. I looked up and a blue eyed, blonde guy with freckles on his face smiled at me. I thought to myself could this be the chuckler. “I was, but he let me go” I said. “It was so outlandish what you did it made me laugh” he said. “Thanks, I guess” I said. “I don’t meant to make you feel bad” he said. “Well your laugh made me feel okay actually “ I said. “It did?” you heard me? he smiled. His smile lit up the sun it was so bright I didn’t notice anything else.

“Yes, it was so quiet in there you could hear a penny drop” I said. “Well I better go before someone sees me” I said. “Wait, would you like to hang out sometime? He said. Although I instantly thought he was beautiful. I was too upset to have hope of anything. “That’s ok, I don’t want to like have friends with benefits.” I said. No, I mean like a date? he chuckled. I loved his little chuckle. I was so surprised he wanted to date someone who made a fool of themselves. I never really had a lot of boyfriends. I never really felt like I was that pretty. I stopped and stared for a second wondering if I should say anything. “Where?” I said. Well, he said since you like acting how about a movie premiere? I was shocked. “Depends on who’s acting in it” I said. “Well seems a good comedy would be fitting for you”. I laughed, “It’s all I’m good at” I said. “ I’m sure there’s other things” he said.

As I continued to sip my coffee still wrapped in my blanket, I noticed there wasn’t much leaves left. Then, I felt a hand caress my arm and a chuckle was near. “What are you doing” said the blue eyed beautiful man or husband. “Just reminsicing” I chuckled.