Health, Indifference, Dishonesty, Infidelity

“The Book of Questions”, by Gregory Stock, Ph.D — These are questions of a different sort — questions about you. They are about your values, your beliefs, and your life; love, money, sex, integrity, generosity, pride, and death are all here.

Here is an enjoyable way to find out more about yourself and others, and to confront ethical dilemmas in a concrete rather than an abstract form.

To respond to these questions, you will need to examine and interpret your past, project yourself into hypothetical situations, face difficult dilemmas and make painful choices.

These questions can be an avenue for individual growth, a tool for deepening relationships, a quick way to get to know a stranger, or merely a pleasant amusement.

Sometimes the questions are not something you want to write about and I choose to write about them anyway! I never know what will come up, right off the top of my head.

Healthy

Easy peasy

and my choice is not wealth

life could be better with either

that is not clear

Health Dear

If you could wake up having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be? Gregory Stock, Ph.D

At almost 71, it would have to be health: healthy brain, heart, pancreas, kidney, liver, and everything else. Healthy body, mind, emotions, and soul.

You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the most satisfying love imaginable -- the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet the person and fall in love? What if you knew your lover would not die, but instead would betray you? Gregory Stock, Ph.D

My husband will be 75 in March. The six months thing could happen. I would hate that but would I give him up? No. Or anyone due to inevitable death? No. Anyone can die at any time and I have seen that. Grief is a part of life. If you love, you will grieve.

Is betrayal really love? Sometimes it isn't. With addiction, I believe it can be.

In a conversation with a friend several days ago, while discussing relationships, I told her that even though my husband is a pain in the butt at times, I can't imagine being with anyone else. We have our struggles and for the most part, I am happy, joyous, and free to be me in my relationship. And isn't the best?

I believe I am in that relationship and have the most satisfying love imaginable. I have been married twice before and for more than ten years each time. I think I know what 'satisfying love' is. 'The stuff of dreams.'

In love, is intensity or permanence more important to you? How much do you expect from someone who loves you? What would make you feel betrayed by your mate - indifference? dishonesty? infidelity? Gregory Stock, Ph.D

Permanence is most important. I expect faithfulness. Even though I know alcoholism/addiction is an illness, I would feel betrayed if he chose to go back to alcohol or drugs. Indifference would be the most difficult. Working an honesty program in recovery is important and we are both human.

My expectation is progress, not perfection for both of us.

Infidelity is difficult, but I have been through that with active addiction in previous relationships. It is tough to get past, but in this case, it has always been connected with active addiction. Somehow I understood that it wasn't the same thing as a choice to betray me. It can be part of the illness.

The easiest to forgive is when it is about sex and not about love. My second husband in the middle of his addiction said, "I think I love her." Online sex only, no human contact.

I could forgive that and did, just as I forgave infidelity when in recovery for my first husband when he made amends to me. With my second husband, our relationship ended due to his confusion about love. He was steeped in his addiction. I couldn't go there with him. We divorced in 1999.

He is now married and happy. The woman he thought he loved, didn't last for very long. He wanted back with me, and it was too late. I had moved on and without his recovery, I wouldn't have gone back.

My relationship now has been stable for 24 years. We are both in recovery and loving each other and life. My husband will say that he is living his dream and that includes me!