Guac actually

**"The Great Taco Incident 3.0: Love, Guac, and a Little Bit of Chaos"**

Jake had been in love with Mia since the day she'd accidentally hit him in the face with a stress ball during a team-building exercise. It wasn’t the pain that had won him over—it was the way she’d gasped, sprinted across the office, and then proceeded to **panic-Google "how to treat a mild concussion"** while cradling his head in her lap.

For months, he’d tried—and failed—to ask her out. There was the **"Coffee Spill Incident"** (RIP the office printer). The **"I Meant to Say ‘You Look Nice’ But Instead Said ‘You Sweat Less Than I Expected’ Incident."** And, of course, the **"Accidentally Called Her ‘Mom’ Incident,"** which still haunted him at 3 a.m.

But today? **Today was the day.**

He’d invited her to lunch at the food truck park, where the stakes were low and the chances of public humiliation were… well, still high, but at least there were no witnesses from HR.

---

### **Act 1: The Taco Heard ‘Round the World**

Mia showed up wearing a white sundress, which Jake immediately recognized as a **terrible life choice** for eating street tacos. But he wasn’t about to question the universe’s sense of humor.

They ordered—Mia got a **monstrously overstuffed carne asada taco**, Jake played it safe with a quesadilla (he’d learned his lesson after the coffee incident). They sat at a picnic table, and for the first time in Jake’s life, **conversation flowed smoothly.**

They bonded over:

- Their mutual hatred of team-building exercises (especially after the stress ball incident).

- The fact that their boss, Greg, had once tried to start a company-wide **"Mandatory Fun Hour"** (it was shut down after Greg cried during karaoke).

- Mia’s irrational fear of pigeons (**"They’re just rats with wings!"**).

Jake was feeling good. **Too good.**

And then—**disaster.**

Mia took a **gigantic bite** of her taco. Jake, emboldened by her laughter, made a joke about accountants (risky, since Mia *was* one).

Mia **snorted mid-chew.**

A **shred of lettuce launched from her mouth like a tiny, leafy torpedo.** It **sailed through the air** in slow motion before landing **directly on Jake’s forehead.**

Silence.

Mia’s eyes went wide. **"Oh my god—"**

She reached out to pluck it off, but in her panic, her fingers **smeared sour cream into his hair instead.**

Jake blinked. **"Is this… a threat?"**

Mia **wheeze-laughed so hard she choked on a chip.**

---

### **Act 2: The Heimlich Heard ‘Round the Food Court**

Jake **leapt into action.** He’d never performed the Heimlich before, but he’d seen it in movies. **How hard could it be?**

He wrapped his arms around Mia from behind and **yanked upward like he was trying to start a lawnmower.**

**"LIVE, MIA, LIVE!"** he shouted.

The chip **shot out of her mouth** and landed in the salsa bowl with a **tiny *plop*.**

Mia gasped for air, then rasped, **"If you wanted me in your arms, you could’ve just asked."**

Jake’s face burned. **This was it. This was the moment.**

And then—

**"OH. MY. GOD."**

A **shrill, all-too-familiar voice** cut through the air.

Jake’s stomach dropped.

Standing five feet away, **hands on hips, eyes narrowed in judgment**, was **Lindsay—his ex-girlfriend.** And beside her, looking like he’d been carved out of a protein shake ad, was **Chad.**

**Lindsay’s gaze flicked between Jake and Mia.** **"You two are… dating?"**

Jake opened his mouth, but Mia—**still holding her half-eaten taco**—**beat him to it.**

**"Ohhh, you’re *Lindsay*!"** Mia said, her voice dripping with fake sweetness. **"Jake’s told me *so* much about you. Mostly how you cried during *Toy Story 3* and stole his favorite hoodie."**

Lindsay’s face turned **redder than the hot sauce on the table.** **"I did *not* cry at—"**

**SPLAT.**

A **glob of guacamole** landed on Lindsay’s shoulder.

Everyone froze.

A **pigeon** sat on the edge of the table, looking **extremely smug.**

**Silence.**

Then—**war.**

---

### **Act 3: The Great Food Truck War**

Chad, in a **misguided act of machismo**, grabbed a handful of salsa and **hurled it at the pigeon.**

He missed.

The salsa **splattered directly onto Jake’s shirt.**

Mia gasped. **"Oh, it’s *ON*."**

What followed was the **most glorious food fight in food truck history.**

- **Mia** flung a **handful of queso** at Chad, hitting him square in the chest.

- **Lindsay** retaliated by **throwing a napkin** (it fluttered pathetically to the ground).

- **Jake**, in a moment of pure instinct, **grabbed a churro and wielded it like a sword.**

- The **pigeon** joined in, **pecking at Lindsay’s abandoned nachos.**

Security arrived, but not before Mia **"accidentally" hip-checked Lindsay into a trash can.**

As they were **escorted out**, Jake turned to Mia, both of them **covered in condiments.**

**"So… second date?"**

Mia wiped salsa off his cheek. **"Only if we make it a *double* date with that pigeon."**

---

### **Epilogue: Love in the Time of Guacamole**

- **Lindsay** left a **1-star Yelp review** calling them **"unhinged."**

- The **pigeon** followed them to their next date (**they named him Carlos**).

- **Greg** found out about the food fight and tried to make it a **"team-building exercise"** (**it was not successful**).

- Jake and Mia now **celebrate their anniversary** by **reenacting the food fight** (**with goggles and ponchos**).

And as for Carlos the pigeon?

He **officially became their ring bearer** at their wedding.

(**The rings were attached to a tiny taco.** Because of *course* they were.)