Falling into the Unknown

As I reflect on my feelings, I wonder. Is this love? Does he genuinely care for me, or are we both just seeking comfort and attention? Do I truly hold a place in his heart, are mine being delusional?

When he said he can't imagine not talking to me, did he mean it sincerely, or was it just a fleeting sentiment? How does he perceive me? Why did he suddenly change his plans for us after we met?

Was it because I didn't meet his expectations? Is he hesitant to share his true feelings, fearing he might hurt me? Does he pity me, and is that why I feel uncertain about our connection? Or is this my attraction getting in my way again.

Why does he make me feel like my presence is insignificant? Does he think he's doing me a favor by being with me? Was our initial meeting not enjoyable? Is that why I felt uneasy afterward?

Why is he now hesitant to explore an adventure with me? Am I destined for unhappiness? Am I immune to love and affection? God, I'm torn between conflicting emotions. Is this uncertainty my fault? I'm searching for answers, trying to make sense of our complicated situation.

As the days slip by, I find myself consumed by questions about love, vulnerability, and the delicate nature of my heart. It's easy to meet people, but loving them and being loved back is a whole other challenge. I often find myself praying for my heart, which falls too easily, too recklessly, without any real guardrails in place.

My heart has been on a tumultuous journey worn down by love's unpredictability, left bruised, abandoned, and lost in the aftermath. So, I've sought refuge in my own mind, building a quiet place of peace, insulated from the chaos of human emotions. I've gotten used to leaning only on my thoughts, hesitant to let anyone close, afraid of the hurt that often follows.

Even though I try to avoid romantic entanglements, my natural empathy pulls me toward others, making me vulnerable to those who may not feel the same. I find myself holding onto someone who barely notices my love, someone who can walk away without a second thought.

I'm aware of my trust issues, and I'm working to overcome them. However, the world has taught me that men often prioritize their own interests, leaving me to wonder if I'm foolish to invest my heart in someone who may not appreciate its value.

I can’t help but question myself, wondering why I ignored all the red flags of abandonment, why I dove headfirst into love, blind to the reality of it all. Why did I let my heart overpower my reason, and why couldn’t I see the situation for what it really was leaving me blinded to the reality of the situation?

Now, I’m just waiting for the inevitable storm loneliness to hit, fearing that I'll be left to face the consequences of my choices.

I met a man I’ve become unusually clingy to, but every plan we made before meeting somehow gets changed or canceled once we’re face to face. He no longer talks about any future adventures with me, and I can’t help but wonder why. I get it, I’m probably not what he expected, but he could’ve just been honest. I’ve been through this before, and I’ll survive it again.

I promise to keep my distance from men’s careers to avoid unnecessary conflicts and misunderstandings, but my genuine, internal care makes it hard for me to truly stay away.

Stop the pity of loneliness and let it go if that’s what you want. It will hurt, but I’ll be fine. A man who can turn his back on me without a second thought, who’ll be so focused on himself, seeing my feelings as a nuisance just with a little childishness from me. He doesn’t get that women can be dramatic when they’re in love.

I'm overwhelmed by this gnawing sense that I've lost all grasp on reality. How did I fall so hard for someone I barely know? Despite the obvious signs of abandonment, I chose to ignore them, brushing off the red flags that were practically shouting at me.

It's like I've fallen under some sort of spell, staring into a mirror that only reflects emptiness. My judgment feels clouded, and I can’t seem to see things clearly anymore. The voice of reason is faint, drowned out by the chaos, and now I’m left questioning how I let myself get swept into this madness.

Are mine really making the right choice or I’m overreacting?