Coping with Loss: My unspoken Grief for My Brother
My Journey of Coping with Loss and Unspoken Grief
I haven't told anyone this. The day my bother left after his last visit is etched in my memory. It was a rushed farewell, devoid of the proper goodbye I had envisioned. I missed the chance to express my love and to tell him to stay, and in my desperation, I turned to my computer, you see, in that moment I had no cellphone, and was to of an introvert to call him and actually say what I felt, so I ended up sending him an email in the attempt to change his plans. The deafening silence of no response left a void in my heart, a feeling of helplessness that still haunts me. I'm pretty sure the email did not arrive to his inbox, and stupid of me, so young, I should have just picked up the phone and should had called him.
As time passed, my brother has become a distant figure, a fading dream. I cherish the few memories I have of him, but they slip away like sand through my fingers. The desire for more memories, for more time with him, is a persistent ache in my heart.
The years have gone by, but acceptance remains elusive. Even saying the words "My brother is dead", feels like an insurmountable challenge. It's a truth I cannot fully embrace. Instead, I find myself plugging my ears when those words are uttered, as if by ignoring the reality, I can keep him alive in my mind.
Conversations about his death are difficult to engage in. The mere mention of his name tightens my chest, and I often choose to withdraw from such discussions. I've constructed a facade of denial, a belief that he is simply out of contact with us. Yet, deep down, I understand the painful truth--he's gone, and I'm left grappling with an unspoken grief that refuses to be silenced.
Coping with such a loss is a journey, and my path is none of avoidance and denial. I hope that someday I can find the strength to confront this grief, to speak his name without fear, and to cherish the memories I do have. Until then, I hold onto the hope that, in some way, he lives on in the hearts and minds of those who loved him.
About the Creator
Lisandra Gonzalez
A writer who shares a little bit of everything. From personal stories to product reviews, new discoveries, and the occasional random musings that catch my attention, I’m here to connect through words and explore a world of diverse topics.
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Comments (2)
Written expression is a gift to speak out your hidden inner thoughts and words your voice is unable to express and these pass by unnoticed. I thank you for your gift of written expression and never shut the door to your inner voice, the voice that screams out to be set free for the pen is now your sword that bleeds to express in words every thought that lives hidden within your mind, heart and soul. As you write yourself through this unwanted walk, you will also let others know they are not alone in this merciless journey. Yet, I believe that someday your creative beautiful mind will bring forward amazing wonderful stories that will express your other hidden talents that are waiting to communicate to the world but, for now I hear you, we hear you and we will walk together through this journey call life…love you my daughter.
The day my brother died (9/27/95) will never leave my heart. My only consolation is that I know he's with my mom and dad but I miss him more than words could every say. Thank you for sharing your story.