Coming Out

Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones Deck prompts - There are many levels to "coming out." How have you come out? Go. Begin with ten minutes.

For me, it is not coming out about my sexuality or affectional preference. I have known about two spirit people since I was a child. I learned about a continuum of sexuality as a young woman when I attended a SAR (sexual attitude readjustment) at the University of Minnesota.

My coming out is about my age! As some people, when I was growing up, were never comfortable telling their age. And especially women didn't tell. I celebrated my 60th birthday publicly with a nice-sized birthday party. I told people when I retired in 2016. 

I didn't want a big celebration when I turned seventy, as that was my big birthday when I was feeling old. My three children took me on a trip to North Carolina, paid all expenses. 

That was a great time and a real treat, and it told me that my children are all doing well enough to afford that trip. It was a great birthday present, and I got over the age thing.

Training counselors and therapists is another thing that I have come out with. I do that in many ways. I have kept quiet about that for years. That was a part of my job when I worked at the state. To bring in people who could do some of the training about healing and recovery work.

And to do some of that work myself and with staff doing their part in that. I continue to work with trainers that share their experience in working with Native American program participants.

Another thing is just how many times I have been married and how many children and grandchildren have come from those three marriages. When you are raised with the idea that you stay in the same marriage your entire life it is tough to admit, I am with husband number three at times.

And finally, my being a woman in long-term recovery and what that means is that I started my recovery from the family illness of alcoholism in 1978 and stopped drug and alcohol use in 1980.

Natalie Goldberg's Writing Down the Bones Deck prompts - The term coming out is linked with lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer liberation. That is a powerful stepping forward. It takes a lot of courage.

There are also other "comings out." What is yours? Tell us about it, whatever it is.

I think I covered them in the first question. I will think about this for a bit and come back to answer this…

Here is one: I was raised and socialized in the Native American culture. Anishinaabe, to be more specific, and the Ojibwe language was spoken in my house growing up, but never to me. 

My grandfather was in boarding school and was a fluent language speaker. My father was also in boarding school. My mother was not. That means that a lot of what I experienced growing up is not what others experienced.

 My mother grew up with stories from her mother and other family members, as did I. Most people I work with have not grown up the same. I didn't know that until I was an adult. My grandfather explained that I should stick to English as I would be punished for speaking Ojibwe. 

I think what my grandfather and father taught has affected me, as even taking a couple of years of classes has not helped me in learning the Ojibwe language. I can understand the language better than speak the language for sure, and I know more words than sentences. 

As a young adult, I learned that our ancestors put everything into the language that we would need to know. I'm sure they never expected that we would lose our language. 

I have figured out a few things about what they meant as an adult and have shared those things with others in culture groups I have facilitated, and with some friends and family. I always wanted to learn the language, as when Grandpa spoke with other fluent speakers, they laughed so much.

I thought, who wouldn't want to learn the language if you get to laugh all the time? A friend's son, a fluent language speaker now, told me that he had to spend a lot of time with fluent speakers to learn the language. Right now, I don't know anyone close to spend time with for that purpose.

With religious freedom in 1978, when I was twenty-four years old, culture started to come above ground. Some things will never come above ground. And that is okay. Enough said about coming out about the culture.

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Frist published by Mercury Press on medium.com