Boundaries

Boundaries are clear affirmations of your personal and spiritual truth. It could be creating space between you and another person who is taking too much from you. It could be saying “NO” when it resonates deeply with your soul. Instead of denying that gut feeling inside of you and saying a “yes” or a “maybe”. When we say no to something that doesn’t align with us, we are staying true to ourselves and our path.

What is your journey with boundaries? How are you setting boundaries for yourself? How are you honouring your truth?

Sometimes, people in our lives come into our field to teach us a lesson on boundaries, respect and honouring ourselves. For me personally, I have had some people take too much from me lately. People disturbing my peace. I have worked hard to create a sense of peace, calmness and balance in myself over the years.

Having bipolar and ADHD causes me to create very strong attachments to people very quickly, and this has been detrimental to my peace over the years. I have had a lot of rejection, heartbreak and pain from this aspect of myself. But I have done a lot of self-work to combat this. A lot of shadow work, diving deep into my pain and have come out lighter and stronger than ever. It’s a good feeling to know I have transmuted something into new energy and new ways of being.

When people become too attached or clingy, it disturbs my peace. I don’t want to be everything to someone, I want to be something that is an addition and a joy to be in their life.

Codependency states “You complete me” whereas interdependency states “You add so much to my life”. I don’t believe it should ever feel as if you can’t live without a certain person but rather it would be a shame to lose them in your life because they add so much and you appreciate their presence in your life.

Have you ever felt codependent on someone else? How did this affect your peace? I believe codependency disrupts our soul because we become so attached to someone else it’s difficult to make our own decisions based on what our truth is. What it your truth? Do you strive to create a balanced and happy life with great people in it to share magical human experiences? Do you want to create a business or an art project or a gathering for people to come together and share and connect?

Whatever your endeavours, I believe you need boundaries as the foundational essence of your goals. Without boundaries, we allow people into our energetic field that will hinder our success. Think about the ocean… what would it be without the strong foundations of the earth to hold it in place? What is water without a vessel? Water moves and takes shape of whatever it’s poured into. Are you taking shape and morphing yourself into someone else’s values? Are you losing yourself?

I myself have definitely changed my values and patterns based on someone else’s. I was trying so hard to fit their expectations that I lost myself. And then when I lost them in my life I realised how much I had lost of myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore and I plummeted into self-deprecation and depression. This is an awful feeling. I will never lose myself again. And I believe I have come such a long way and am standing so strongly in my power that it will be very difficult for this to happen again. I have found me.

The darkness is a scary place to be, that feeling of hopelessness after you’ve lost someone or something you care deeply about. It is cold and lonely and sad. It’s difficult to find your way out of. It’s like being stuck in a deep, dark hole with no means to get out. You try to scramble but you just keep getting covered in mud and dirt. You’re shaking and cold and are desperate to get out, yet you just can’t.

It’s not until you use your voice and call out for help, can you find your way out of this hole. Someone appears at the top bathed in white light. A helping hand reaches out towards you and you are filled with gratitude. Or perhaps you’re in even deeper and need a rope to pull yourself out. Either way is beautiful and wonderful and once you’re out you feel the golden glow of the sun on your skin again. You stop shaking and begin to feel whole again.

The more time you spend out of this hole, the better you feel. You remember that hole and everything it taught you, but you won’t be so naive as to fall in again. But if you do unfortunately fall in again, know that nothing is permanent, everything is temporary. Maybe someday you will be the one pulling someone out. Returning that universal favour.

If anyone reading this is currently in the hole, I would like to gently remind you that it’s not forever. You will get out again eventually. Sometimes the healing journey is two steps forward and one step back. The healing journey isn’t linear, it’s messy and chaotic and wild. But what a journey it is! I’d like to softly remind you that you have a voice. And you can ask for help. It’s okay to ask for help. It could be a new psychologist, seeing old friends, going for a walk along the beach with family, starting medication or meditation, doing that yoga class you’ve been thinking of doing for a while, starting that art class, beginning that drawing or listening to beautiful, wholesome and soul-stirring music.

You need to find the ways to ignite your soul again. Ways to connect to your heart. What are some simple ways you can live more fully aligned with your boundaries, heart and soul? I urge you to do some journaling or meditation to try to find the answers to this question.

And remember, you always have the power to say no. You always have the power to stand in your values and live a life aligned with your values.

Sending aloha,

Mia

~ Miamana Healing ~