betrayal

I used to naively think that the proximity between people means trust, companionship, and never leaving each other when they are vulnerable. However, I was wrong. At some point, I finally saw clearly that those I thought were light were actually casting shadows.

She was my most trusted friend. In those days when I was firmly at the top of my grade, she was always the most tacit study partner by my side. We discuss topics together, stay up late to review together, and look forward to the university and the future together. I thought we were walking hand in hand, but I never thought that in her eyes, this might just be a silent competition, and I was just the object she wanted to defeat.

It all started when I missed a few days of school because I was sick. When I returned to school and asked her if the teacher had talked about anything, she said coldly, "Yes, but I'm not going to tell you." I thought she was just in a bad mood for a while, until she added coldly: "Ranking is important, and information is also an advantage." At that moment, I vaguely realized for the first time that what I thought was "common progress" had never been just "resource competition" in her eyes.

I wanted to give her a chance, to believe that it was just a temporary distortion under pressure. But things happened one after another, leaving me powerless to deceive myself.

In one English essay grading, I was deducted a few points, which were crucial to my scholarship. I told her that I was going to check with the teacher, but she gently advised me: "It's just a few points, don't seem to care so much about grades." "But I know very well that if she is deducted points, she must be the first to rush into the office. It's not that she doesn't know how to fight, but she wants me to give up fighting, so as to narrow the gap between her and me.

What I couldn't accept even more was that when I questioned why she began to have this mentality of "hoping that others would be worse off in the exam", she said unabashedly: "I've always been like this, but you just found out now." It turned out that all this was not that she had changed, but that I finally saw her true face.

I began to feel that our friendship was just a one-sided bet. Whenever I had an emotional breakdown and confided in her late at night about the wounds I didn't want outsiders to know, I thought she would be the one to keep quiet and give comfort. But I was wrong. In a mock exam, I was shocked to find that the content of her essay was actually a real experience I had told her privately - a past event that I had never mentioned to anyone, and it was written into her essay intact.

I don't have a name, but only she knows those details. She even showed the article to other students, saying that it was "inspired by real events". When I questioned her, she said lightly, "I also want to be noticed, not by your name." It turned out that in her eyes, my pain was just an eye-catching piece of material, and her vanity was more important than my trust.

I should have cut off contact with him from then on, but I still had illusions until she did something even more unforgivable.

Once, I accidentally found out that she had taken a screenshot of a private message I sent her and forwarded it to her sister. I was in a bad state at the time, and those were the words I wrote when I was extremely vulnerable. I thought I was expressing myself in a safe space, but it turned out that I was just handing over my wounds to the wrong people. Her explanation is only one sentence: "She is my sister." But I know very well that it is not out of concern, but a kind of emotional control and violation of me.

What's even more chilling is that almost every time on the eve of the big exam, she will always inexplicably create some emotional disputes. Whether it's provocation, misunderstanding, or "unintentional" cold violence, she can always disrupt my rhythm at the most critical moments. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but after time and time again, I had to admit that it was not accidental, but that she was consciously weakening my focus.

And what made me completely collapse the most was her disregard for my body, even with a smile.

Once, a classmate brought a "low-voltage electric shock" toy and passed it around as a playful prop. I have a chronic illness myself, and my body is particularly sensitive to any sudden stimuli. She knew this. But when someone half-jokingly said, "Let's see how she reacts", she didn't hesitate to press the button and apply the tingling and fright to me.

My nerves instantly tightened, my heart raced, and my brain went blank. But she just looked at me with a smile and didn't think anything was wrong. At that moment, I really realized that she never took me to heart. Her hurt to me is not only emotional, but direct, real and concrete.

All this made me finally understand that some people are not worthy of trust, and some so-called friendships are just disguised as gentle weapons.

I once believed that people will learn to distinguish between good and evil after experiencing betrayal; Now I know that the price of discernment is self-disintegration again and again.

I no longer expect her explanations or make excuses for her "once good". I finally understood that in the real darkness, the most reliable is always me.

Not every smile is worth responding to, and not every relationship is worth keeping. She taught me that the world is not gentle, and I must learn to be strong in disillusionment after all.