A truth

If you have a truth it could never be taken away from you no matter how quiet it sounds when you say it out loud, it could never be taken away from you no matter if people try and squash it down or dilute the tears it’s cried out, it will remain and be fulfilled, it can never be taken away from you.

A lie I’ve been detaching from had become my truth for years it made me realise how I lay down to die with it by my side despite its burden, remembering I may change my truth to help unmute the torment it’s been feeling like for years, I didn’t notice how I silenced the suffering even when it pierced through my ears.

I’m so tired I’m so exhausted, my peace had felt taken away my ease halted, writing about this struggle made me see how I hadn’t felt peace for so long I don’t even remember how it feels like but I will. I fucking will. No matter how alone and misunderstood I feel. I get me. I feel me. I hear me. I see me, and that’s all I need right now. This had been a hard journey and it got even harder with the crashing realisation of its heaviness and my loneliness combined, but I’m great at healing so it’s all in due time.

I will return to a Ruhani that feels safe, peaceful and at ease in her body. I will dance in the rain without the worry of triggering them again, a jump scare wouldn’t have me prepare for anything uncomfortable, I will sleep in any position at any time anywhere knowing I have no fear to spare.

Si I will be healed, si I am healing. That is the only truth I accept that is the only truth being met. I am healing. My mind and body are being restored to full health, vitality, ease, peace, vibrancy, and safety. That is my truth.

It’s been a long long long journey and it’s coming to an end soon, no matter if people understand or not. That is my truth. I refuse anything other than my truth. I’ve been on an up-and-down emotional rollercoaster through it all, comforting and holding myself through times of deep anxiety, doubt, fear, exhaustion, dark thoughts, not feeling safe in my body and my surroundings, but this too shall pass. I will be that happy healthy safe loveable little girl again, I’ve seen her healing, and I’ve seen me healing, I’ve gotten tired and weak along the journey but my success is secured as I’m aware of the strength I endure. Nothing will hold me back. No one will hold me back. I don’t care how tired I get. I don’t care how many times I break, I will pick up those pieces and create the next mosaic that was meant to be made from the mess.

I am healing I am healed from this struggle that is going to show me optimal peace, it will bring me to pure ease and for that, I thank it freely and release it easily. Well, it hasn’t been easy but whatever, my truth can never be taken away from me, no matter how I’m feeling I am healing.

I acknowledged myself. I love myself. I Accept and honour myself in this process because no one else is going to do that for me and evidently, I was always made to do so for myself, I owe myself I’ll show myself once again that I am capable of anything and everything. I’ve healed many times before and I’ll heal every time forevermore, for the peace and ease I so deservingly see, the freedom and safety I feel aligning will be so sublime. I’m so grateful to my spirit family and beyond as they’re the only ones who know what I’ve been going through, life is happening for me so I’ll push through. All that it’s teaching me all that it’ll bring is birthed from the truth that I always win.