A Fond Memory, A Cheating Friend, And Love Languages

Rupi Kaur's Relationship Writing Prompts - Describe a fond memory you've shared with each of your closest friends.

Rose: I worked with her when I was still in my early 20s. We had a co-worker who some of us determined had a drinking problem and several of my co-workers decided to try an intervention. This friend had dated him.

We got together and told him just how his drinking affected each one of us. A couple of years later, I went to a family program for friends and family of alcoholics, and a couple of years after starting that program, I got sober, years before this co-worker.

What my friend and I would often laugh about is how each one of the people in that intervention got sober. Then, how the person receiving the intervention did get sober but not for 20 or so years later.

Mary: We went to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area (BWCA) yearly in my mid-thirties, and through my forties. One time we were camping where she had camped previously when she led a group of blind people there.

She talked about one woman who she watched climb the hill toward the campsite and then appear to fall backward in slow motion. She was laughing to the point of tears.

I told her to be aware of karma. Sure enough, she did the splits in getting out of the canoe at that campsite and she fell backwards when hauling the canoe out of the water by a small rapids.

We laugh about that yet, and how I had told her, "I would like to help you but I can't." So, anytime she would like some help with anything, she will say, "I know, you would like to help but you can't."

Felicia: I was with her at her daughter's funeral and she was at my sister's funeral. We decided that we would look for a grief group together in our neighborhood, just fourteen years ago. There weren't any and the only recommended therapist had a months-long waiting list.

So we invited other friends and co-workers to join us for a group. What we didn't expect was women who had old trauma and loss that was never addressed to be there that had never lessened their loss. It was like something from twenty years ago had just happened. Our loss was new.

We ended up facilitating that group, and not doing our grief work. After that, we decided we would never do that again. Even though it is needed. Why aren't people offering that service in Native American communities is what we talk about and how we agreed to never do that again.

I have made a point of encouraging counselors to do their grief work, to be able to help others. Then I add, especially our Native American people who have trauma, grief, and loss beginning at young ages.

Rupi Kaur's Relationship Writing Prompts - You find out your friend cheated on their partner. What would you do?

Mind my own business is what I hope to do in all cases. I am 71, and my friends are in their sixties and seventies. Even into their eighties. My friends are sober. They probably all may have cheated in their drinking, and drugging days. That is fairly common.

I don't care to know. But I want a good friend to be able to talk to about anything without judgment. I try to be that friend.

Rupi Kaur's Relationship Writing Prompts - How have the love languages you were shown as a child impacted how you show love as an adult?

My mother was good about showing love with food. If we went to church our favorite dish went into a drawing and if our food was picked that is what we would have for dinner. Favorite food and beverages were given when sick or for celebrations.

My cooking for my husband has changed over the years and how much I entertain and cook for others has changed over time too. Our diets tend to be so different, that we are on our own much of the time.

Doing for is how love was shown. My mother would clean my house, my office, my car. And especially my bathrooms and kitchen. Friends and co-workers were jealous of her attention to my duties. "Your little mommy is so cute," said a co-worker.

At first, I thought my mom was commenting on my ability to clean. Then I realized in talking with her that she wanted to help to support me with my education and career and that was one way she could do that as she couldn't help financially.

She was my biggest cheerleader and she was proud of my accomplishments. I never questioned her love for me. I know that was a gift.

My dad died when I was ten years old. He was a welder and died on the job. He had been in the Navy before he married my mother. Before his death, he took us to the circus when mom had to stay home with a sick child. He bought us things Mom probably wouldn't have.

He worked hard and on weekends drank hard away from home, so we didn't see him as he would come home after we were already in bed. I saw him hung over, in bed reading the Sunday paper. Mom called him a weekend alcoholic.

The times I saw him drunk were not many and he was in good spirits and would do one-handed pushups with kids on his back. My husband is a welder like my dad, a recovering alcoholic, and very fit. He was in the Army, and is a hard worker.

My grandpa lived with us after my dad died. I listened to sports on the radio with him. Football and baseball. He had candy in his room and would share that candy with his favorites. I have the same favorite teams that he did back then.

My grandpa was in the war, retired, missed my grandma, and would work in our large garden all day. He didn't talk much but liked to laugh. I like to laugh and it helps eliminate depression for me. It will bring back some of the stories he told and the jokes, the good memories.