Winter in the Sunshine State

So, after a week in New York, I was headed to Florida, firstly to Orlando and then on to St. Petersburg. The best thing about Florida upon arrival was of course the temperature, having endured the freezing climate of New York. I was also looking forward to the alligators. Whenever people write about Florida on Twitter, the emojis they use are a sun and an alligator. And there were signs next to the lake by the complex warning me of their presence. But I was saddened to never meet one. Had to settle for the one I'd seen in the New York Natural History Museum.

Speaking of New York, in Beer Culture (yes I'm mentioning it again), I did get talking to two people when I realised they were from Florida as I wanted to to know what it was like. Hailing from Orlando, they said they weren't fans of their hometown, owing to how commercialised it is. But they said St. Petersburg is great and they'd highly recommend it. I should point out, as well, that the conversation was somewhat framed around where the best Floridian craft beer can be purchased. And that acts as a fair indicator of the nature of Orlando, I guess, in that, yes, the beer there was very much your standard lagers etc. Orlando is very commercial, but you wouldn't go if you expected it to be anything else, would you? We were going because for the first time in our lives as a family we could afford it, and so of course we were going to do all the parks. We went to Universal first and, as a massive film fan, I was in my element here. The parks had great rides, attention-to-detail and incredible shows and merchandise. The fireworks that somehow incorporate a movie display on the lake are also incredible. I have to admit that I was blown away by Diagon Alley and my butterbeer, and spent a ridiculous amount of money on a fridge magnet.

The Universal CityWalk, too, is great, with its lakeside bars, restaurants and shops, including the world's largest Hard Rock Cafe. A big Jimmy Buffett fan (unusually for a Brit) I was impressed by the Margaritaville that plays host to his plane that was shot down. Was pretty awesome, howevr, to be sat outside Margaritaville and listen to Sam Fender music play throughout the walk. Sam comes from my hometown and its great that he's big enough for that.

Universal was definitely the highlight for me. Disney World two days later was similar, and I have to admit the castle and the fireworks are great, but Universal is more thematically targeted at films I enjoy, and the rides are more high-octane in nature. I do love Disney, though, and my favourite attractions there were probably the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. I like trains, western movies and rollercoasters, hence my fondness for the former, a Western themed railroad rollercoaster, and I just had great admiration for the displays in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. Great attention to detail. That's something I will say for Disney. The displays are lovely and incredibly interactive. They have to be mind, when you spend most of your day queuing (the displays and interactive stuff extends to the queuing areas). I thought January would be off-season yet was waiting for hours for most rides. I feel this may be something to do with folks who are there for the "winter sun,” however.

In conclusion, though, I enjoyed it. There are cynics out there who would view these parks as just the embodiment of consumerism, and you know what, they'd probably be right. But if anyone's read any of my previous articles, they'd know that I don't really have a problem with that. I am of the belief that I am perfectly capable of going to Orlando, eating massive burgers (I've come to the conclusion that the defining feature of American food is everything's huge - and I love it), paying a fortune for souvenirs, taking pictures of people dressed as Micky Mouse, gawping at expensive firework displays and waiting hours to ride a little boat round a dark cave with pirates in ... and still be a perfectly content and fulfilled human being and not a slave to the corporate machine.

The other place I went to in Orlando was Discovery Cove. This is a lovely, relaxed getaway where you can swim with dolphins, sharks, rays and fish, and best of all, drink unlimited amounts of alcohol. I swam around a coral reef with rays the size of tables all the while being thoroughly half cut. Very fun. Make sure you get some goggles, though, so you can see them. The dolphins were very friendly and intelligent, too, of course. Incredible animals. And I was assured that they only come to play if they want to. Another great thing about Discovery cove was that as well as unlimited alcohol you get unlimited rice krispies squares, which is quite possibly better. I didn't get drunk enough to try and feed any to the dolphin, though. Don't worry.

With that, we were headed to St Petersburg for a wedding. I'm not sure if this is an American thing, but this wedding was a three day affair. The first day consisted of a cocktail party with food and a free bar. The people in Beer Culture were right about St Pete (as it is known) so far in that the craft beer choices were excellent. Thick. Hazy. And locally brewed. We were served mystery food which the American man sitting next to my mam convinced her was dolphin (a shock to everyone's system given the events of the last few days). It was in fact a fish called dolphin fish, which is a fish. Not a dolphin. It was that nice, though, that I'd probably have eaten it regardless. Now the best part about this part of the trip was fraternizing with the Americans. They love to talk, and I wanted to know. And after a few free beers I was even comfortable talking about myself, and they wanted to know. There were fellow Brits there too, of course, and it was nice to make friends with a Geordie couple that we hadn't met before, who we spent the next day with.

That day was blazing and so we explored St Petersburg. The people in New York were right, yes, it's not like Orlando at all. The beach and pier were beautiful and traditional, as were the markets and the lemonade stalls (which helped with the hangover). Huge speakers played country music too, at just the right volume, which I was down with. Sobered up just in time for the ceremony, delivered by what I can only describe as the world's most liberal Catholic Priest. This wasn't a bad thing; he was great. I was just laughing when the guy we met the night before pointed out that the family priest back home would be turning in his grave to see this guy making jokes about cannabis as he officiated a wedding. But come on, guys, this is the direction in which the church has got to go.

Was greeted at the wedding reception by another free bar, good food, good craft and copious Americans who knew loads about me and wanted to know more. This, seemingly, all stemmed from a lot of meetings and conversations from the night before, few of which I had any recollection of. But it was nice to meet them all again. I enjoyed the speeches, too. Though, a word of warning. Don't use the word "spunky" to describe your daughter at a wedding where most of the groom's family are British ...

After the wedding, we descended on a bar and then within said bar descended on a poor American couple who were just trying to enjoy their date. I mused that, culturally, you'd expect it to be the other way around. But we were pretty drunk, and they were very canny. I liked that the guy had the very American name of "Cooper King" and that they didn't seem to mind when my Dad drunkenly told them not once, not twice, but three times that when he went to Atlanta he couldn't get a Pepsi anywhere.

Day three was yet another party and another free bar. This one was at a poolside, and it was the sunniest day of all. I am told it is the sunniest city in the world. Something about this party taking place the day after the wedding, and quite early in the day, made talking to everyone more enjoyable I think. I probably talked to more Americans that day and had more interesting (and indeed coherent) conversations. Then I found a bar with a wall of pull-your-own craft pints. I ended my holiday already starting to talk like an American, but to tell you the truth I was wiped out. Much as I loved meeting everyone and talking to everyone, I doubt I'd have the energy to keep it up. I was also convinced I'd contracted COVID, given the lack of restrictions in Florida. The parks enforce mask-wearing etc. but the state definitely doesn't. On top of that, the wedding was largely populated with Floridians and the church service soundtracked by coughing. I'd honestly forgotton COVID existed for three days, until I had to get on a plane home which definitely included the virus as a non-paying passenger. Thankfully, however, I managed to scrape by without contracting it. If I had, it probably would have been worth it, though. And the isolation may have been needed as I was quite drained from all my American-ising. Still, it was good to be back in the land of awkwardness and the greatest city in the world. I'll be sure to return over the Atlantic in the future, but until then I'll have another cup of tea.