Thoughts

When it comes to deciding anything, I feel vulnerable. I don't know how people make decisions. Sometimes I can't even decide my music. It's like I'm parted into two halves. My feelings—I can't describe them. How can I even name my feelings? When it comes to describing anything or coming up with prompts for my writing, I just can't handle the pressure.

People sometimes ask me to quit something, and I break into two pieces. This frustration catches me and holds on tight. Now I find myself stuck between doing or quitting. Coming up with one side feels like the weight of a mountain pressing on my head. I tried to explain it, but I don't know if these words capture my condition.

I don't know what people do in frustration. I keep changing my music, but nothing sits right. Is there any music for me? Loud music feels unbearable—it's like it hits my brain, and my words start shaking. I'm shaking too. I even think that talking about my problems might worsen my fate, so I usually hide my situation. I keep backspacing lines like “I am feeling vulnerable” or “I am a nerd at decision-making.”

The electricity just went out, and now I'm sitting in a dark room playing with words. Sometimes I feel like I have limited words to describe my feelings. Maybe I need to look up more words first. But how long do I have to sit in the dark?

I've come up with a solution to my problems—anti-depression pills (kidding)