The World I Only Visit At Night

Tired to the point where I can no longer feel what's happening inside me, tired from the way people treat me and act like nothing happened. Today was the same as yesterday and every other day. It gets hard to move your body and do things for yourself like taking out food and having dinner, washing my face or maybe even breathe....

I'm under the covers now, lights turned off and my mind revising every other tidbit of the day. It feels like my mind keeps wandering off to places where, it already knows, the doors of affection and appreciation are shut. I close my eyes shut and focus on breathing, just to make these thoughts of hurt and betrayal stop. I distract my mind from the reality and travel to a place that I have created in my fantasies and where there is nothing but love, happiness and contentment.

Being surrounded by a field of sunflowers, I take a deep breath and take in the vastness of the land. As far as my eyes travel, there are flowers of various kinds representing beauty, love and fragile nature, and a sun hiding behind the clouds, dispersing hues of every color in the sky. I walk through the field bare feet and feel the flowers brushing against my body. There is no thorn that will hurt me, no unkind human, no expectations to be a perfect girl. Its just me, being myself. Now there is no mask on my face to hide the pain. I feel free just like the dandelions dancing with the wind. It starts to rain, I turn my face up towards the sky, closing my eyes and feeling every drop of rain consuming my existence.

As I open my eyes, there appears a small house in my view, I walk towards it. As I reach at the doorstep, I can listen to someone humming inside. I knock on the door and wait for the response. When the door clicks open, a guy with light brown hair and golden-brown eyes appear. He is in his late twenties I assume. He locks his gaze with mine for a brief moment and then says,"Good Evening My Lady! How can I help you?". His voice is deep and sinful. I just gesture at myself being soaked from the rain and then speak,"I cannot travel in rain and my home is a little away from these fields, can I stop here until the rain stops?". After a brief passing moment he replies,"Ah yeah, sure, Please come in". I step inside, with him saying,"Make yourself feel at home".

I take in the small yet the most beautiful house I have seen, small ceramic painted vases with fresh flowers, vines hanging at the window, subtle yet minimal furniture and a scent similar to cinnamon. The gentleman disappears around the corner and comes back in a few seconds with a towel and napkins in his hand. He gives it to me and gestures towards the wooden sofa seat. I take the towel from him and wipe the dripping water from my face and my arms. I settle on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

Few moments pass by, he joins me with two mugs in his hands. I can smell and tell from afar that it is hot chocolate. He hands over one mug to me and asks me about myself, continued with some other small talk. He told me that his name is "Burak" and he is living here since last week. We continued talking and the rain outside was pouring like crazy. Despite of the fireplace burning bright in distance it was getting colder than before.

Burak pulled out a blanket from the side cabinet and offered it to me. I wrapped it around myself and a little of it draping over my head. He started smiling at me and when I asked the reason, he replied,"You look like a child right now." I laughed at it too and said,"I am taking it as a compliment." He, in return, laughed brighter than before and that made me feel butterflies in my stomach.

The rain had its own plans and it was still pouring heavily. Burak stood from his place and walked towards the small yet beautiful kitchen and took something out of the small fridge. He turned on the flames and as assumed he started making something to munch on for both of us. I noticed how he was so focused and the effort he was putting into the meal to make it taste nicer was so adorable. Maybe he noticed my gaze on him because he smiled at first and then lifted his head to meet my eyes. My heart did a somersault and I could feel the blood rising to my cheeks. I quickly looked away and lean my head on the sofa and closed my eyes.

I realized that, there are some people like Burak still alive, who can see the actual you and not run away. Burak set the stove on low flame and returned to the sofa beside me. I didn't know he is back here, until he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I glanced his way and I thanked him for letting me stay here. His warm smile in return melted the last coat of icy walls around my heart.

Maybe it was a gentle reminder that even in the lowest, darkest and brutal of times, there is hope, light and love.