The Dos and Don'ts of Travelling In A Group

This is not (just) a call-out to deeply inconsiderate people who I am currently on tour with, but a general guide to travelling as part of a group, especially when that group doesn't just consist of family who are obligated to not attempt to murder you until you get home and can be sent to opposite sides of the house.

1) Please try to remember that you are not the only person who exists

This should be obvious, but I can assure you it isn't. It goes double if you're sharing a room with anyone.

Clean up after yourself, instead of leaving a mess in the bathroom for the next person to deal with. Check that no-one is changing before flinging open doors/curtains/windows. If you must have your phone on speaker/playing loud music, do it when people are awake, or take it into the corridor.

People are generally forgiving if you start playing music and don't realise your headphones didn't connect, as long as you apologise and rectify the situation.

Telling people that it's really their fault for being disturbed and that it's disrespectful to be upset will get you labelled an asshole.

2) The Schedule exists for a reason. Please follow it.

I've been guilty of this before, having taken a wrong turn, realised my mistake too late, and sprinted to reach the bus before it left without me. I did it again just last night, when I ordered an expensive dessert, the kitchen got confused and didn't bring it out before our 90 minutes was up, and I lingered to ask for a takeaway. The departure, in that case, wasn't until the next morning, and we did have the option to stay later at the dinner venue and walk back after, so it wasn't a case of me holding up the entire tour, just the director checking that I hadn't got lost.

On group tours, there are activities booked for certain times, ferries to catch, dinners scheduled. Holding up departure because "you didn't think it was a big deal" might not seem like an issue to you, but it throws things off in a major ripple effect.

Today, for example, our bathroom and coffee stop was cut in half, and photo stops shortened by 10 minutes each, because we had to detour back to the hotel to find someone's forgotten phone, and the lost time had to be made up somehow.

If you're bad at time, set alarms. Check with the tour guide when the bus leaves, and make a point of being back five minutes before that. I promise, the guide won't mind repeating the departure time to a dozen different people who ask, if it means not having to call those people and find out where they are.

3) Your mild inconvenience is not an excuse to be racist/ableist/an overall jerk

I've seen this from several different people so far, from someone blaming a visibly non-white server for another member of the tour group taking their pre-ordered main course, to my reluctant room-mate claiming that I'm "not even a real person".

I disclosed that I'm Autistic on the first night, as a prelude to "please tell me if my routines bother you or if there is something you need for me to do to accommodate your needs".

Apparently, requesting that she not have half-shouted conversations at 6am while I'm asleep, showering at night instead of in the morning (so that she can shower first) and occasionally staying up to read a book or send an email, is "unacceptably disruptive" to her.

The tour director made a point of shutting that down hard, and I wish I could say that I was used to casual ableism, but that doesn't make it less hurtful.

4) Exercise basic courtesy

"Please" and "Thank you" and the other basic manners that everyone is supposed to learn as a child go a long way.

Other people will have quirks that annoy you, like chewing loudly, or religious rituals like praying, but as long as they aren't forcing you to participate, you can probably grit your teeth and get through it.

Everyone is on the same tour, everyone has just been driving for 2 hours, everyone is hungry and tired.

It's a lot more bearable when everyone makes an effort to get along until dinner is served and they can go to bed.

5) Recognise that you are in a shared space, and act accordingly

I know I said this already, but it really does bear repeating.

Use Headphones if you want to watch videos.

No one wants to listen to both sides of your conversation with whoever you are on the phone to, especially not at an hour when all reasonable people (and even most Morning People) are asleep.

Pick up your trash and put it in the bin or take it with you until you find a bin, rather than leaving it on your seat for someone to find in the morning, or all over the hotel room.

Yes, there are staff that are paid to clean, but there is a difference between standard cleaning and having to scrub stains off the bathroom floor, clean torn up scraps of paper littered on every available surface, etc.

6) Unexpected Crap happens, and all you can do is deal with it

A few members of our tour group have come down with a bug, and done their best to isolate themselves, even if that means missing out on a few things they'd pre-paid for.

My Room-mate from Hell decided that she deserves better than sharing a room with someone who can't help the fact that they snore, and is demanding to split the cost of upgrading her to a single room. (I agreed to pay a portion, because the end result is me also not having to share, even though as the one dealing with a Ableist, Racist, Bitchy cow, I feel I'm being generous)

Changing things halfway through the tour, the day of our arrival at said hotel, on a weekend in a popular tourist destination, I'm aware that this change is going to depend on whether or not spare rooms are even available.

I hadn't expected to be dehumanized, insulted, and blamed for bad weather on this trip, but I'm dealing with it with the methods available to me, rather than how I'd like to deal with it.

7) You made choices, and you get to deal with the outcome.

Maybe you ignored the travel agent when they suggested a later flight to give yourself some breathing room. Perhaps you didn't check the estimated travel time and wound up missing the start of a show you booked.

Maybe you chose the cheapest option and discovered later that it didn't have a working lift. Maybe you didn't read the title and wound up in a Hostel instead of a Hotel.

Maybe you picked a shared room, gambling on the hope that other people would pay for a single and you'd get a solo room for free, and that turned out not to be the case.

These are still the outcomes of choices you made, and you don't get to blame them on the bus driver, the tour guide, or the person stuck sharing with you and your ego/bad mood.

You messed up, and that's no-one else's fault but yours.

8) In the end, we're all people

"Cultural differences" are the favourite excuse of every person who suddenly realises that their unfiltered opinions are unacceptable in present company, and about to get them in trouble.

Australian culture emphasises a Fair Go for All, meaning everyone deserves the same rights and opportunities, as long as they're willing to extend the same to everyone else.

Start being Racist, Sexist, Ableist, or any of the current talking points of USA Right Wing Politicians, and everyone stops putting up with your crap.

If your culture says it's all right to kill LGBTQ+ people, or discriminate against the less abled, or people with medical conditions, or be cruel to people with a different skin colour or social class, then I officially stop caring about respecting it.

I'd rather respect the people that you're being horrible to, and if you have a problem with that, then that's a You Problem to get the f*** over as soon as possible.