The day that we filmed Simple

We woke up that morning hung over me and Charlie Samuel. We had a job to do it was about 7 or 7:30. We were meant to get up sooner though we were hungover from Pizza and wine the night before maybe even Rum and coke but I think the previous is the truth. We woke up twice. The second time we woke up we spoke. We were talking as I lay in my bed, a futon that I slammed into the corner of my room, the walls a dark navy blue. The sunlight came in through the gaps in the corners of the blinds that I hadn't dragged fully closed after we smoked out of the window. You could see the trains pass in the early hours, through Isleworth station. There were lights that flashed on the windows of the other estates terraced houses and the silent sirened lights that lit up the ones closest to the main road. There's always a scene to see when you're staying at my mum's. We spoke until the early hours myself and Charlie. We knew that we shouldn't have but it was like a childs sleep other again. We woke up hungover. I was feeling rough. Extremely rough and 'unslept', if that is even a word. To write about that moment sends me right back to it. I imagined it again now as I smoked out of the window where I am now with my partner. We arrive at that scene later. The house that is, not why I am writing now.

I woke up and woke Charlie up with me. We spoke about what we'd want for breakfast. For some reason we both agreed that scones would 'slap' in that moment. A moment later my mum shouts from the kitchen that she'd made scones.

"No wayyyyyy" we laugh to each other 'gassed' that there was a reason to get out of bed now.

Charlie was sleeping on the floor. I felt bad for him but the scene suited him and I think that he enjoys sleeping on the floor. It's what he always ends up doing. We got up and made our way to the kitchen. Made our scones and Charlie showed me his skin care routine.

We made ourselves coffee and spoke to my mum briefly before going onto the balocny for one more cigarette before we left. Charlie had bought me a pack of cigarello's a few days before and so that's what we were smoking, menthol ones. I gave one to my mum. She said that I was creating an image. Maybe this is true. I found them interesting. Stylish hence their appearance in the imbedded video to this story. We smoked as we drank our tea and coffee's I think that I'd tried to put bailey's into one of them, though I'm sure that the creamed liquor was emtied into the coffes the night before.

"You're gonna have to be careful with John he's a sensitive heartbroken boy" my mum said to Charlie when my partner had been brought up at a part of the conversation.

She knew that we had to leave soon and Charlie said that we had to make a stop in Balham before we drove up the rest of the way to Leeds. I'd already got myself into the outfit for the video. In front of my mum it fealt like more of a costume even though this is what I wore on a daily basis she somewhat saw through me. She'd seen me go from tracksuits and hoodies to now being suited and booted. It's funny how things change as people grow. The truth is that going to Balham had to be a suprise not to her but to my partner. I had bought her a jasmine plant a few days before. The way it was wrapped made my mum believe that it was a hemp plant. It was probably easier to go with that story. I think I told her that I was holding onto it for a mate. That Chalrie had asked me to hold onto it for him for a bit. It makes me laugh a little to think about this time of uncertainty.

Anyway Balham was meant to be a secret so I said something like 'nah we don;t have to go there anymore' giving Charlie a look that made Chalrie question me a bit.

"Nah?"

"Nah" I shook my head.

We said our goodbyes I grabbed my shit. Packed all of it as I went through the flat and stuffed it into Chalrie's car and then as we were meant to pull away I remembered my phone. I ran back up stairs no one heard me come back in. I grabbed a couple of hats and one of those Light Nike jackets that I hadn't worn for a while I think since I was 18 or 19 and went back to the car. I guess that I was taking the past with me.

We began the roadtrip by driving to Barnes. We had woken up early to film the video on the bridge. We had tried to film the video sooner but couldn't film it properly due to people walking past and every time there would be a moments grace I would stumble my words from the pressure and not knowing it off by heart just yet. So we left it and I promised Charlie that I would remember it better for this day and so we set a date and I talked Charlie into coming up to Leeds for a few days and said that it's all "fake stress man" spend the money and have some 'banging' memories to come back to when you're home. So having persuaded Charlie we had a couple of drinks in the locla pub the Bridge Inn an Old London boozer filled with characters. We go there a lot for food or for a laugh. A good time is always guaranteed.

We drank ouselves merry and got on with the night playing pool for hours and talking to the locals. One guy came up to us and began telling us about how his mate was realising a song with The Wu-Tang Clan (you can hear him in this video talking to his friends about Dizzy Rascal if you listen carefully to the background noise), we didn't belive him. Not only that but I was so 'plastered' that I began to freestyle to him inside the pub and then again as we left. If I remember rigthly the stanger should still have a voice note of me on his phone as I stumbled outside high off of alcohol and life. All of this after Charlie had said that I was a poet that can make simple everyday things sound beautiful. After reading this paragraph over I no longer think that, that is the case.

Fast forward a few hours and here we are in the car getting ready to drive up to Leeds and have another go at filming Simple. It all felt very important and real. Nerves were almost setting in but I think it was that excitement that you gte when you wake up early in the morning with a job to do and not a lot of sleep in your system.

"So am I going to Balham then or nah?" Charlie asks me as he begins to put the addresses that we need to hit into his in car sat-nav.

"Yeah we are mate I just didn't want to say it in front of my mum because she gets funny about all of that stuff" I said expaling to him the secrets of that baclony chat and our mission of forgiveness.

"Ah yeah fair enough mate, I get you was weird for her to be like that with you, I get that she didn't mean it but it's not cool, you're obviously going to be sensitive towards the subject"

"Yeah" I said as we set off out of the estate and turning the corner to drive back past the pub we had just been to and then down towards South London.

We arrived in Barnes at what was now 8 or nearing nine o clock it was still that early morning fog that you get in London down by the thames as temperatures and atmospheres mix together to give you that morning breathe of fresh air that only London seems to give you. That kiss of life as you breathe in the early morning fumes of London transport buses.

We decided to go down to the shore of the Thames when we saw the setting. Under the visual direction of Charlie I stood on the bank. I faced the bend in the river that I knew all to well from childhood though I was seeing it from the other side of the river that was rarely crossed as I grew older. This area at least. It holds a special place in my memories and mind does Barnes and Mortlake. A special part in my soul is there. I romantice the idea that I once saw my partner there a few years ago as me and some mates rode our BMX bikes on the banks of an old brewery. She has her own memories of Mortlake but I remeber once seeing her from across the road as she walked back towards a station I remember thinkjng at the time that maybe I should go and talk to her with that teenage confidance that everyone has at that age. Though I'm glad that I didn't the time came when it was meant to and I was too engrossed in the banter coming from my mates to care about much else at the time. Oh how times have changed. This wasn't on my mind however as I tried to focus on the camera and on remembering the lyrics to one of my favourite poems that I had written a few years before.

It took a couple of takes in that brisk morning air. In the distance I could see the clouds of grey that I spoke about and the brown building that I knew hid behind the trees just over Charlie's shoulder as he filmed me relay the lyrics time and time again. Had I recorded it now I could have done it ten times better, picking at the video as I watch it back I realsied that I could have done it a lot slower. I could have been more relaxed, however I feel as though it reflected the time that it was recorded in well. It was rushed and I was rushing. I'm glad that I captured it when I did. The way that it came about was perfect for its time. We did a few versions and then we jumped back in the car as we walked past some dog walkers that were also taking advantage of the low tide of the Thames. We finished our ciagrellos and jumped into the car and made our way over to Balham to drop of the Jasmine plant that sat in between my legs like a bag of Sainsbury’s shopping.

We drove over to Balham together. I was nervous. I was dropping off the plant that I bought from a florist/ grocers in St. Margerates. I'd also bought some dates and a card. All wrapped up in a brown paper bag. I'd tried to water it through the hole in the top of the paper to save myself the effort of trying to wrap it again. This somewhat worked. We came up to the road Charlie pulled over and I hopped out with the plant, dates and card and I knocked at the door.

"Clara you've got a visitor" said her mum as she opened the door.

Clara came to the door we had a brief chat and I got back into the car.

"How did that go?" Charlie asked me.

"I don't know"

"Did she like the gift"

"I don't know, she didn't smile, but she wanted to" I said half heatedly making a cokey joke to hide my bruised ego.

We drove and Charlie put some music on to make me feel better. It was depressing stuff. He realised that and we put on 'Drill' music instead. We were stuck in traffic and a man in another car wouldn't stop looking at us as the music blasted out of the car. We must have looked foolish being sat in the blue BMW drill music balsting out of the surround car sterio. Me in a suit and Charlie looking well presented himself. We changed the music and laughed about how we looked.

The music changed between reggae and Hak Baker. Light hearted stuff. I think we even played our own things as we drove through London. I remember playing 'Smiling Through Perfectly Chipped Teeth', a new release of mine at the time as we crossed one of the crossings.

We laughed and joked about how good it was, or so Charlie said and then we played other work of mine. Some that hadn't yet been released on spotify at the time relying on Soundcloud to play it.

Edinburgh played and Charlie said about how much he could hear the emotion in my voice on the recording. I was depressed when I wrote and recorded the spoken word piece. Initialy intended as a song the poem was the first one that was received as that. Poetry.

We crossed the road and I began to play Charlies Single that has since been taken down otherwise I would also feature that in this story below. He played me some of the draft music that he had on his phone as we drove closer to the motorway.

We recieved a phone call from one of our friends as we drove past his house a strange coincidence we were surprised at. We asked him if he saw us drive past and he said that he was on the otherside of the house. We offered him a lift up to Leeds with us but he said that he had things to do.

We finally made it onto the motorway. I think this might have been when I remembered that I no longer had my phone. So we drove back to my mums now. An hour and a half after we had left. It took us 40 minutes to get back and then back onto the motorway. We laughed in pain at that happening. We didn't even have time to get breakfast. We'll eat on the motorway we decided. We looked into going to restraunts but that didn't make sense to us. We needed to get up north.

We joined the motorway from Hayes and bumped Hak Baker through the car as we made time.

It was a strange journey I don't know if I have ever felt so conencted to a journey before. Thoughts passed like that of outskirts of west London landmarks as they past our windows. Larger worries clashed with the Cement manufacturers factory in Hayes and then they slowly dicipated as we neared that of the main roads that lead us striaght to Yorkshire. The fields ran with my mind. I almost fealt like a child again. I was the car just trying to get to its destination. I wasn't really there as we drove. Nor was Chalrie. We were there in the words of our conversation, we were our consciousness. I guess that this is what most car jounrey's are like but this one fealt different. This one fealt real, as though I could be nowhere else but on the road. We were Jack Kerouac and Dean Moriarty. We were Jackyl and Hyde. We were whatever we believed ourselves to be as the music spoke to us like a seemless voice of reason from the road. The radio playing whatever the fingers ont he phone commanded it to. We were also talking throught the music emotions that of voices couldn't quite say. I fealt a little lost. I fealt as though I was Pi on the raft with a tiger. The nature of the Beast I guess that you could say.

We smoked cigarellos as the car hurtled up the road. We got onto the topic of serendipity. Charlie was talking about eagles landing in his graden and then right in front of us was a car with the number platye spelling 'Eagle' you had to only read the number plate to see it.

"Look at that number plate" Charlie pointed from the steering wheel in his no way expression.

As he pointed I saw it and another number plate shot from underneath the car in front and flew straight into the window. It cracked the screen a little and Charlie had to steer a way from it.a little like a driver in movie avoiding debris. That's what we were.

Semi shaken I asked Charlie if the plate had fallen from the car in front of us. He ragged it around the car in front both of us intently looking for the front number plate, that was still attached to the vehicle. It was strange, almost stranger than if it was actually the plate from the same car. It came from nowhere. We carried on driving over taking the cars that were in fornt of us and talking.

Soon Chalrie had to pull over for a toilet break, so we pulled off of the motor way and parked in a hard shoulder. There was nothing around us. The car was silent except for Hak Baker's albumn playing I think it was 'Big House' that was streaming at this point.

There was nothing around me and so I focused on some of the lyrics to ground me as my mind began to wonder. I fealt alone in the car and in general. It had been a rough few months and for some reason I fealt as though I was on the cusp of things beginning to turn around. I just didn't know how yet. I still fealt as though I was on the right track. Ironic as I was stopped stairing at the long road ahead of us and the one that I had just been on as I looked over my shoulder still being visible and the cars roaring up the lanes of the motorway. To my right there was another factory and to my direct left a ditch with rumble and water in it. There was nothing here for me to be poetic about I thought to myself. It was just me in a semi-brand new car and Hak's voice over the radio talking about the East End of the city that we had just left from the West. I was sat alone with my thoughts. Nothing for me to do at a standstill. I had had enough of this in the time leading up until today. I had writen so much poetry that I could release and had released as singles to my soundcloud with the intention to upload them as projects to spotify and the rest of the available streaming services at later dates. At this point I had just wanted to get on with life. In this moment there was nobody watching me. I guessed that Charlie was facing away from the car and the few that passed us on this semi silent turn off road didn't make me think that we would be noticed unless a observant passenger wanted to look out of their window to admire the car or watch Chalrie urinate. There was that idea that I was unwatched even by big brother if my mind took that survailance idea. THere was nothing but the blue skies and clouds above us. It was strnage. boring and unitereupted. Was this life outside of London? I thought about farmers and wagons going over fields back before there was ever a motorway. Wagons that my grandfather paints. I imagined them to be green vardos in there caravans, burning fires in the fields as they set up camp for the night and children played whilst the adults huddled together around the fire making food. Charlie got back into the car to break the train of thought and we carried on driving. I lit another cigarillo.

We carried on driving along the motorway straights with the next stop coming with the intention of a food break. I had some scones in the car that we had taken from my mum's for packed lunch and car snacks but they sooner disappeared at the start of the journey. My ones did anyway and so I was hungry again. We pulled into a service station as it grew dark. We got a Burger King. We were delrius. Half convinvced that we were in a simulation we deicded to guess who would next come into the service sation restraunt area. It was ammusing to say this to one another because as we began to play this game the room began to fill up. There was no one there to begin with. The whole area was empty when we ordered our food and soon it was packed. This was an observation that we both made but only Charlie brought to light. I didn't want to fall too deeply into this way off thinking but I think that it was already to late as I followed along with these thoughts. I put it down to me being observant.

We went back to the car, cold drink in hand. I had wanted there to be rum inside it. Still hungover and even more so now with the tiredness and fast food in our system. I lit up again as we pulled away.

We were on the home stretch now just a few toilet breaks along the way and then we were the in the new hometown of Leeds, no I'm only joking it was the fresh air city that I needed to sort myself out in. My uni city. Me and Charlie sat in the car playing London nostalgic 'Grime' music as we drove closer to our destination, still laughing though now the cigaarillos and car seats were taking their toll on me. We had been in the car for six hours now. It was longer than a coach journey though the comfort was definetly there. The music playing took me out of my head space for a while and we were making time with the car weaving through lanes of traffic acting up with the music, like a naughty teenager. We spoke about the memories that we had with the songs playing and showed one another tracks that I'd not heard for years. Central Cee, Giggs and other London rappers were played in the last forty minutes or so before we pulled into the city. I was jumping about in the car to the music and vibes that it provided, acting the fool and laughing as such.

We came into the city when the city was silent. There's a time when it is. Just before the people come out to play. Glasses clinked like the scene in warriors as the gang make it to the Connie Island beach. As we came to the coach station lights a man on his bike appeared out of nowhere cycling slowly at the pace where I wondered how he managed to stay balanced in the first place. We almost hit him as he veered into the front of the car at an angle.

"What the fuck is going on here, imagine we hit him! Welcome to Leeds mate!" Said Charlie in a mixture of laughter and shocked exclamation.

We drive throught the silent city centre. I wondered where everyone was. We drove up to my mates house in Woodhouse. I hadn't told them that I was coming back up yet and so I called them from outside the front of the house pretending that I had ordered a parcel there and asked them to check if it was on the steps outside there front door. A risky move if it were true.

Omar came down and opened the blue doors and the gate that sits in front of it like a loyal guard dog that is such an effort to multi task as you come down or up the steep narrow three steps. Omar was happy to see me. You could see it on his face. He said something along the lines of this is the best present ever. Charlie hadn't known that it was a suprise arrival and was proud of it all too. We went inside and went up the stairs towards Omar's room where my firend and also his girlfriend Florence was sat.

"Johhhhhhhhhhhn!" was shouted and hugs were given.

We sat in the room listening to music retelling the story of the London to Leeds Odyssey that had just occured. The Eagle license plate, the Burger King, the forgetting of the phone and the video recording. We sounded delirious and in absolutely our own world. We asked for permission to smoke and opened the windows. I pulled out the cigarillos. They were shocked and laughed. Flo and Omar had more sense than what we did. I saw it as a more London thing to be this, shall I say eccentric.

We caught up and we spoke about the event that was happening later at Old Red Bus Station. We decided that we'd go I talked Charlie into it. It made sense to go to it so that we didn't have a ruined sleeping pattern. We drove up to mine which was a fifteen minute drive, much better than the 30-40 minute walk that I would sometimes have to face at all times of the night and day often deciding to just sleep on their sofa, falling asleep watching youtube videos in their living room and smoking cigarettes on their garden steps often comforted by the sounds and sights of northern rain. Lit up by street lights and covered by the sounds of the trees canopy. These are fond memories of Leeds. We drove up to mine in no time as I told Charlie about how long this walk takes. We were about to do it ourselves. We got back and dropped off our belongings in my box room. The smallest in the house of ten people. I was one of the last people to be added to the house. I was an extra to the friendship group that resided there. I didn't talk to them that much though when I was home I would smoke and make small talk as I made food in the kitchen or stole their coffee. I found my sanctuary on the roof there. A kitchen extension that lead to a shed at the end of the garden that you could clamber onto from my window, was my way of making the house my home. I would climb out and meditate there. Do yoga and do some sun bathing in the summer time. I would sit there and read Keats. There was a covent next to me and when I was up there I would watch the gardener work, he was visable from over the old stone wall. It was a beautiful place, the house on Ridge Terrace. Families of magpies and telephone lines that hung over head as you lay on the roof watching the clouds pass over head. It's one of those places that you only ever remember there being blue skies even when it was snowing or raining for that matter. Though this wasn't on my mind as me and Charlie climbed up the steep steps up to the door of 54.

"Fuck that" is what everyone says always followed by "especially when you've been drinking"... "When you're fucked".

My favourite one came from my mate Alex Magnum who said "If you were being chased up these stairs you'd be fucked", the only other voice that could have echoed those adventuress thoughts of my own mind.

We carried the luggage up the flight of stairs just to open the door and have them carry them up even steeper carpeted stairs to my box room where we dumped all of our things, grabbed some drink and left. A bottle of rum that we'd bought the night before. One of those happy suprises that I even smiled about now, as the thought of finding it in the car or the luggage bags crossed my mind again. I'd completely forgotten about it and felt as though I had just found it again now with the memory.

We walked down towards what we called the 'Boy's House', the home of Omar Abufares, Deklan Ferguson and Jon 'Harvey' Swinbank. We stayed there for a bit and had some 'pre-drinks' before heading into the City Centre. Getting a £5 Uber between 5 people there.

The night had started and to be honest with you I can't remeber much of it beside having a conversation at a high table, getting some more drinks, going upstairs briefly and then having a rap battle with one of my mates in the smoking area. Someone filmed the whole ordeal and as the video flows through the panning between myself and Joe Cook I slowly lose clothing. Omar turned to me afterwards and said that we need to go to a carboot fair together, this still hasn't materialised.

Someone ended up finding a bag of drugs on the floor half used and this was passed around before being given to me with a key. I refused but a deep conversation followed anyway where I spoke about what was on my mind at the time to someone that wanted to understand. It fealt like it could have caused unnecessary drama though it in fact caused the opposite. It was a good night.

We ended up at a house party on the road where I now live with Omar, Dek and Joe. I had not seen the house before hand and when we were in the garden smoking a cigarette the boys told me that it was only a few doors down. I can see the steps from the garden of the house now. We stood on the steps and Flo read me a poem by an Irish poet who had lost a brother when they were a child and this was what inspired a later poem of mine, that has only ever been written in drafts. The poet was brought up by an Irishman that I had, had a drunken conversation with about poetry at the bar in the upstairs room of 'Old Red'. It was an amazing night the way in which everything linked together. We left the house party and made our way home already feeling the affects of the Alcohol wear off.

I can't remember if we had walked or got an Uber, but I remember the next morning top and tailing, not remembering ever getting back to Leeds and then trying to get up in the morning with hopeful spirits on the promise of a good day-trip to the local reservoir.

I got dressed and tried to wake Chalrie up believing that we should be held to the plans that we had drunkenly arranged. Dragging ourselves out of the bed and the room and sliping into the car we drove back down to the boys abnging on the door and getting them to come with us. Cigarettes and cigarillos smoked in the car along the way. The rolling city of Leeds falling behind the hills that the car climbed to get there. We walked around the resovoir and over a golf course to get there in the first place jumping over fences to arrive at the water. It reminded Joe of home and Flo of school. It reminded me of nothing but the moment.

We'd walked around the perimeter of water and all stood together watching the still waves of the ripples. Someone said about wild swimming. I was on it but it was freezing. We turned back and went to the boys to get stoned. Bought some pot noodles and Charlie bought a Ruzzlers burger from the local McColl's. We made 'firecrackers' and watched Akira. We all whitied.

Too stoned to make it up the stairs after throwing up on the garden steps I made peace with the middle floor landing being my bed for the night. Omar had to help me get to the top, him being the only sober soul at that point wathcing the zombifief me trying in vein to not throw up and moving as little as possible to do what was a perfectly simple task of climbing the stairs. I fell asleep in Dek's bed and woke up the next morning feeling empty.