Right on Red State: Florida Weather

Florida is hot. It's an undeniable fact, yet tourists feel the need to point it out. Floridians, and people who live in Florida, but don't want to be labelled as Floridians, are well aware that it is hot outside. Don't feel the need to remind them for the sake of small talk. They all know the statewide high temperatures are caused by Florida's proximity to the equator, and the low elevation making Florida very close to Hell.

Being the sunshine state, most expect there to be a lot of sunshine. What they don't expect is that the sun can burn them. Wear sunscreen whenever you are outside. You may smell funny, you may look funny, but it's better than co-workers smacking your sunburn as soon as you get back home. You know they will too, especially Jeremy who thinks it's hilarious every time he does it.

Florida is also a subtropical climate, which means it rains constantly. It rains when the sun is shining, it rains on a perfectly clear day, and some say it even rains during hurricanes. Florida rain is hard to pin down. It could last anywhere from 5 minutes, to about 10 minutes before you need to check out of your hotel to head home.

Florida is prone to hurricanes and tornadoes. To combat this, Floridians go through intense training in hurricane simulators. Stationed at every mall, Floridians spend up to 2 months in these capsules to prepare for the summer storms.

To honor the weather gods, many Floridian sports teams are named after weather phenomenon. Including, but not limited to, The Miami Heat, the Tampa Bay Lightning, the Orlando Solar Bears, the Sarasota Thunder and the Possum Gulch Cumulonimbus.

Florida can also get some cold snaps. Though rare, it does drop to freezing temperatures. Here is a warning to visitors from countries that use Celsius. Florida is part of the United States, despite the efforts from both Floridians and United Statians to change that. This means they use Fahrenheit for their temperature. If you see that it is 33 degrees in December, that is in Fahrenheit and it is 1 degree above freezing. If you see 33 degrees in July, that is in Celsius and on the borderline of causing you heat stroke. Verify the temperature before, whilst, and after you've packed. Do not end up like the British tourists who need to buy $70 sweatshirts at theme parks because they assume Florida is always hot.

Also don't complain that there isn't snow here when you're here for winter break. It won't feel Christmassy at Christmas. It also won't be below 0 on MLK day, but we don't hear you complaining about that? Nobody forced you to be here on Christmas, you chose to go down south because where you live is too cold in December.

Here's a video where we braved the Florida heat to go play: