Hush; It's a secret.

Tonight was going to prove to be a life changing moment for me without my realizing just how utterly changing it was about to become. It was a night like no other, one where I had decided to enjoy being in my own company, despite the weatherman calling for a possible change in the current conditions as well as usually only going out in the presence of friends. I found my motivation, gathered my thoughts, grabbed my house key and off I went to a local pub to sit in silence for a short time to ponder my life and those in it or where my future might be trying to take me these days. The walk was a short one filled with chaos on the streets and plenty of traffic to keep my eyes whirling trying to see everything in the short 10 minute walk I was embarking on. I rounded the corner, caught a glimpse of my final destination and breathed a sigh of relief knowing I could escape the street noise I had just walked through. As I entered and found a quiet spot to be alone at the bars end, removed my jacket, hung it on the tip of my chair back, ordered up a dirty martini with extra olives and quickly took my first sip. The pub was rather empty except for the bartender and a couple of business men sitting at a tall round table off in the back corner. The men seemed to be minding their own business and had been completely oblivious to my arrival. Their voices were a bit muffled, yet could be heard echoing under the soft music playing in the background. Every now and then I could almost make out a sentence or two and before I knew it, was paying more attention trying to tune into their conversation than I was to my own thoughts I originally wanted to sort out. As these men continued to talk, it peeked my interest as to what they were conversing about, maybe more so due to feeling relaxed from my drink or for not having a care in the world being all alone on this particular night. As I sat sipping on my drink, time began passing quickly and soon the weather began to change from what started as a clear comfortable night, into being a little cold, windy and damp. I wanted so badly to know what the objective of their secret conversation was among themselves, so I decided to use the bathroom that was approximately six feet directly across from where they had been sitting all night. Funny how pub bathrooms are a bit more sound proof than I had remembered in my younger years, as I stood behind a closed door trying to pick up on any clues they left to be heard. Sadly there was not going to be any shred of info to cure my thirst for being nosy, so I finished my little rendezvous in the bathroom and walked out. In that short amount of time in the bathroom, less than a three minute time lapse, the men were gone! I just stood in silence in an empty doorway a bit miffed at not filling the void of piecing together their reasoning for being at the same place as me on this random evening. But I collected my thoughts as I stepped fully out of the bathroom and began to walk past their table. As I passed where these men had been sitting, I took one last glance back still pondering their conversation like an unsolved mystery. Then it happened. I spotted a little black book under the chair that held the man whose back was against the wall. Perhaps it had fallen out of his pocket when he was putting his jacket on and he was not aware of it being left behind for me to stumble on. I was in shock and not fully sure of what the contents held or if there would be any information for returning it to it's owner. My heart began racing as I flipped it open to the inside cover looking for any info to aid in it's return. Sadly, there were no names of people, just names of financial institutions and what seemed to be code words and numbers; lots of numbers. Every number was a large amount and they each began with a dollar sign. What could this possibly be, I wondered as I thought silently about handing it off to the bartender before quickly drowning that thought with one of not keeping my mind spinning on figuring out what I just found and how it might impact me to know what those men were up to. I soon snapped out of the moment, turned toward the door and as I peered outside, noticed the weather quickly becoming more intense than when I left home. I knew I had a little walk ahead of me in uglier weather than at the start of my night, so I easily made the decision to decline on one more drink, tucked the little black book into my inner jacket pocket as I put it on and zipped up, walked past the bartender saying my farewell and heading home. I suppose being left to my own company and no one left in the pub to occupy my curiosity any longer, my choice to leave was a much easier one than normal that night thanks to having this new book in my clutches peeking my curiosity.

With my hands in my pocket walking the streets of my neighborhood heading back home, I felt the little black book resting against the fibers of my jacket pocket lining and without hesitation, pulled it from my pocket to view the inside. As I walked, I started flipping through the few pages reading the names of the banks I was most familiar with branches both local and abroad and only the ones that had the most numbers listed below them. Time seemed to drag on the deeper as I delved into each page and soon found myself at my doorstep finally safe from the frigid weather. The overwhelming feeling of craving the knowledge to know or at least reveal the essence of this book grew more intense. I have always been one to figure things out, like a magician or a detective so to speak and so I ventured into my own world once again in search of a new clue about the contents. It's funny how what one would assume to be a secret, could easily be found out if one knows where to begin looking. I grabbed my laptop and started typing the names of the banks one by one into each of the banks search engines entering the info exactly how I would most likely enter it if this was my book. It wasn't long before I cracked their codes, was able to log into the banks and was staring at the accounts to three out of the five accounts with the largest dollar amounts on them. I sat in shock. I was a little nervous with every key stroke and a little mischievous at the same time. So many thoughts had begun freely flowing around in my mind. Now I hate to admit it, but they were not trustworthy thoughts at all. I mean after all, who would really miss a few dollars from an account that was in the millions bracket!? I just couldn't shake that idea of finally having a bit of financial freedom, especially at the cost of someone who clearly didn't need it since the book wasn't protected enough to prevent it from stumbling into the hands of anyone not intended to see the contents. The bad girl in me was becoming quite visible to myself and the angel was dissipating rather quickly at this point. I know I could have contacted the bank I was logged in to and offered up the book, but that was no fun, at least not in this moment of playing detective. Though being deceptive has never been my best attribute, today I wanted to push the envelope just one time. In that moment, I decided to create an account at the identical bank I was contemplating transferring funds from into what would become a newly created secret account under a false identity. I began submitting info and soon had everything I needed to gain access. I received every bit of my new banking information under a fictitious name trying to maintain secrecy and soon had the forms filled out for receiving funds out of the first listed account in the little black book and into my account. One click was all that was left to process the transaction, to see my account go from a zero balance to a hefty fifty thousand dollars. I was completely nervous and yet so excited in the same aspect that I just couldn't do it. At least not yet. What if this money was something needed for an important affair I thought or if it were work related that would end up costing the demise of another human being. Soon the feelings of wanting it that badly turned to the feelings of guilt and I shut my laptop off. I sat in silence in front of my closed computer going back and forth with the what if's and why's once again, but this time it were the feelings of what one would feel if faced with this same situation.

That book sure kept me on my toes for more than it should. It had a hold on me like a dark cloud over my head for weeks. Oddly enough, after a short few weeks had passed, I received an offer from friends to go to the very pub I found the book at. Now if you think the "what if's" weren't finding me once again, you are sadly mistaken. They were so intense that I could be ill in a flash, but I accepted the invite, tucked the little black book in the same jacket pocket of my coat and headed off to the pub. There were quite a bit more patrons this go around, none looking familiar to me of the men from my last visit, so I happily calmed down enough to enjoy a drink. The music was playing much louder this visit, but soon it was not loud enough to drown out a deep mans voice that sent a chill down my spine. A man in an overcoat had opened the pub door and was walking in with new faces. There he was! The same man who sat in the chair with his back to the wall at that rear corner table where I had picked the book up after exiting the bathroom that night. So many thoughts were crossing my mind at this point. One even wondering if he may recognize me somehow or his knowing that I may have found his little black book due to being the only other patron there the same night he was when he potentially may have lost his book.

I've never been faced with so many terrified emotions or feelings of being caught red handed due to always being the one to choose truth over lies and dishonesty. Yet in a matter of seconds, I couldn't ignore the tugging at my heart. I had to excuse myself from my friends and soon found myself standing at the table facing the man in the overcoat. I was truly horrified as to how I would bring up the conversation of his little black book being a few feet away in the pocket of my jacket. Yet I was comfortable because the face I was looking at had a gentle feel to his personality as he offered up a smile and asked if I'd like to have a seat and join their table for a drink. I smiled back, pulled out a chair and sat down. Opening conversation wasn't as awkward as I played it up to being in my own mind. The man asked a few simple questions on my frequenting this pub or whereabouts to where I may live. I found it rather easy to reply to his questions, like I was under a spell he had on me. At some point, not sure how or when, I must've blurted out that I had seen him a few weeks prior to today in this very spot and that I had something I believe belonged to him. It was as if he saw a ghost when I said those few words without furthering info on what I was speaking about. Like he automatically was taken back in time to noticing his book was missing and no longer having access to his funds. He quickly stood up, took me gently by the arm to another part of the pub where only he and I could be heard and began interrogating me on when I found it, who was around when it was found and how much do I know about the contents. I couldn't cover my rear to save my life and began spewing out all the details even down to generating a fake account in hopes of transferring some much needed funds into an unknown account I had created under a false identity. Apparently honesty was on my side this time as this man slipped back into his gentle nature and took a deep breath. I allowed my story to unfold and reassured him that I couldn't go through with the transaction because dishonesty is pure evil on many levels. In that moment, it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders as I explained I had the book with me, that it has been on my person ever since while hoping to cross paths again. The man very eagerly asked for it's return, so his wish was rightfully granted. As I returned to my table to retrieve the book, I removed it from my jacket and headed back to where the man was patiently standing and handed it over. He quickly sifted through it as I kept receiving many thanks for it's return and the honesty I had shown. I was perhaps a little stunned at his kindness, but more so at his concluding our conversation by asking me for my contact info for future reference to properly thank me because he needed to leave so suddenly once it was in his hands again. I was a bit uneasy, but after all, I am certain this man would have found me if he truly wanted to. I borrowed the bars pen and wrote down my name and telephone number on a napkin and handed it over to him before feeling a sigh of relief that this mystery was no longer for me to solve. With one last thank you, we parted ways and I again rejoined my friends as he abruptly left the pub smiling as he walked past my table making eye contact with me for hopefully the last time. Weeks had soon passed and I had already had plenty to preoccupy my mind from that odd night, until one morning I was awoken from a sweet slumber by a notification on my cell phone from the bank I use. These notifications never happen for me; ever. It was informing me of a large undisclosed deposit amount that had just found my account and I was super confused. How could this be? Maybe it was an error by my financial institution and they were off by a digit possibly. There really was no justification for the deposit other than to it being an honest mistake I would have to correct. I quickly logged into my account out of curiosity and in that split second seeing the deposit, shock hit me like a car smashing a brick wall traveling 100 mph. There sat a deposit in the amount of $50,000 and it was in MY account! How could this be I sat fully confused. Then it hit me. That man knew how to find me, he did his own form of research and he found me just as I had suspected the day we crossed paths. Was this my "thank you" he mentioned the day he asked for my contact information? All I could think about was that he must've discovered the fake account and the exact dollar amount I would have taken if I had been dishonest and as a reward I suppose, willingly made the deposit into my real account under my legal name for being a truly honesty forthcoming individual. I was so overwhelmed and helpless for giving proper thanks to him due to not having any way of thanking this man. I was simply blown away and had allowed this moment to control me for the next year and a half as I revisited the pub very weekend with no closure of ever seeing him again.

It amazes me to no end how life has a way of working out, often in the oddest of ways, but it will always offer a blessing to those whose intentions are pure. A true blessing found me that day I found his little black book and though I will never understand the contents of it fully or who owned it, it is a blessing I will carry for the rest of my life.