Higher Altitudes

My name is Rae, and when I was 19 years old, I traveled to Himachal Pradesh to trek the borders of Pakistan, China, & Nepal. Between hikes, our driver, Hanji, drove us between drop off and pick up points; he was our guide while we were in India. I traveled with three companions; one older indian man, one older indian woman, and an older caucasian woman. I was young, blonde, beautiful, and adventurous. I was offered the opportunity to make a documentary while trekking the borders of India, and I just jumped at the chance without thinking of the dangers these regions have; Human Trafficking, rape, & extreme racism against white people. In some areas, I was treated like a white famous supermodel; everyone wanted to talk to me, take pictures with me, touch my curly long blonde hair and white pasty skin... others pulled me out of our trekking vehicle, stripped me down to nearly nothing, dumped out all of my camera equipment and pointed guns at my head. The Pakistan border was not a fun zone to travel through for me.

We were nearing the end of our 41 day trek, and we decided on a last minute day hike. We arrived at the drop off point around 4pm and we were standing at about 12,600 ft above sea level. I had finally gotten used to being at this elevation, so I was excited to move upwards again. Everytime we increased our elevation above 13,000 ft, I always struggled to breath and usually had to stay focused on not passing out, but now that I have acclimated myself to the higher elevation, I was thrilled.

Our guide told us that it was a 4 kilometer hike, which is about 2.5 miles. He said the path should be straight forward and that we would end at the famous, Chandra Taal Lake. So without any doubts, we grabbed our day packs, filled with very limited supplies, and just my phone for pictures, and my go pro for some shots. Hanji left to make his way around the hike, so he could pick us up at the lake when we were finished.

The leader of our group was a man named Advik; the older indian man. He had always told me that he was this fierce mountaineer with all these survival skills, and that I shouldn’t ever be worried about my life when traveling with him and the others in the mountains. Well I should have known better than to trust a stranger who had no proof of his skills, just his stories. More like his LIES.

We began our journey to Chandra Taal. The hike would bring us up the mountain to 15,900 ft, around, and downward to the lake, which sat around 13,400 ft.

The two olders ladies were slow hikers, while Advik and I were both ready to conquer this mountain top. As we began our accent to 15,900 ft, we walked through straight-forward rocky pastures. The ladies fell behind but since the hike was supposed to be extremely easy and short, other than the elevation, we didn’t think anything of it. We happened upon a shepherd's shelter; this was made up of large stones in a box shape, no roof, dirt & straw on its ground and a small entrance. Shepherds use these kinds of shelters to rest while herding his flocks across the mountain. We rested here for a few minutes; this is where Advik & I drank the rest of our water. This is also where I noticed that we were above 15,900 ft and there was no lake in sight. Well there was… the lake I saw was very VERY far from our position. It had been 2 hours, and we were not yet close to our destination. I began to worry but we continued on.

Quickly enough, the sun began to set, we had hiked over 5 miles, with the lake still far in the distance. I turned around and stopped Advik. I told him that something was wrong, that we should be at the lake, that we are still not descending, but only gaining altitude. He agreed and suggested that we continue towards the lake, but the road ahead was steep, narrow and a long ways down. We had zero equipment, no flashlights, no water, no radios, no anything, yet he still persisted on continuing forward. I said no… I told him our best bet was to hike back to the shepherds shelter and wait out the night. I was not going to hike along a narrow, and deadly part of this hike in the pitch black darkness of the himalayas. With or without him I turned myself around and headed back towards the shelter.

As I was walking, I could feel my body doing something that it has never done before. I was terrified but determined; I was taken over by an entirely different side of me that I didn’t know existed. I began to search the area for anything that I could burn, but unfortunately, this hike was located on the rocky desert side of the himalayas. There was nothing but flat rock and dirt. I found a very small stream of water and filled my bottle, drank half of it, and then filled it back up to the brim. We reached the shelter just before the light of day was taken from us. And then… It was pitch black. Imagine a moment when you sit on the couch at 12am, and then your whole house loses power, and all you can see is a deep black whole surrounding you on all sides.

At night in the Himalayas, at this altitude, the moon doesn’t rise for a long time, and temperatures hit below zero, while during the day, the sun feels so close you can almost reach for it, and it stays decently warm. We were not dressed for below zero, and all we had to eat were some butter crackers that I bought in the market that day. At low temperatures like this, all electronics that we had began to lose power quickly. So I took out my phone, and recorded a video saying what happened to us and where we were. I used the light on my phone to dump out my day pack and see what materials we had. I was freezing, I couldn’t feel my fingers, my toes, my nose, and I was losing feeling in the rest of my body. The saddest part of this story is that Advik, the mountaineer, the survivalist… he lost it; he panicked and went silent. He had no idea what to do or say, so I just yelled at him, and then ignored him and focused on our situation.

A weird thing I remember even to this day, is how HAPPY I was, in that moment, that I smoked cigarettes, or in India, they have something called Bidi, which is similar to a small cigar. So I had a lighter and matches on me. With nothing to burn, I had to think creatively. There was poop everywhere from whatever animals stayed in the shelter with the shepherds, but it was dry. I mixed the dry dung with the straw and burned paper from the pages of a book I had in my day pack, and the plastic from the container for my butter cookies. I set up rocks in the corner to protect the fire from the high winds that began to rustle through the shelter. I ripped up my backpack to use for padding and insulation from the deadly freezing rocks that we had to sit up against.

I began to smoke. The nicotine kept me awake while we sat there losing feeling of our bodies, and barely being able to move. I smoked one bidi after the other so my mind could try to stay focused on staying alive. I knew if I fell asleep the fire would die out and we would freeze to death. Advik just sat in the corner and didn’t say a word. I was ashamed of him, and I think he was ashamed of himself.

I remember finally losing all use of my legs, I couldn't feel them, I couldn't move them, and the fire was beginning to go out. I was so out of it, so thirsty, and so cold, I couldn’t think anymore. I just looked up at the beautiful but terrifying mountains in the distance, which only became clear for me to see as the fire went out the stars began to shine brighter and brighter. I had never experienced a night sky so lit up by the balls of gas millions and millions of miles from earth before. No lights in the distance to disrupt its majestic beauty. At this moment, I stopped feeling scared, I knew I was gonna die there with a 45 year old man that I barely knew. I looked across the mountains, and they began to sway like tall grass in the wind. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, and then I no longer could move a muscle. The fire died.

To this day I still don’t know what I saw across the mountains from our position, but before I fell asleep, I saw flashes of purple and green; long, streaming, flashes of colored light rose up over the hills, and made me smile. I remember accepting the truth of this moment in my life, and that it would be my last. I laid there thankful for my life, and for this moment. I had never seen and will never experience beauty like that night sky ever again. I knew that if I was going to die, at least this was an epic, but tragic, story.

We were found hours later by the locals that live by Chandra Taal lake. Our driver, Hanji, had saved our lives. He arrived at Chandratal Lake, and found out that the hike was actually over 18 miles. He scrambled to find people to help him find us. I remember a man, his name is Nigi, he carried me nearly 2,000ft down the steep rocky pasture in the dark with only a head lamp. He covered me in blankets, and began to sing to me. He told me to stay awake, and he told me to sing with him. I don’t remember the song.

I know that what I did when we got stuck up there, was the reason we survived for as long as we did. I think of hanji everyday for being the reason I was saved from 15,900 ft. I haven’t spoken to Advik since, and I don’t think I ever will. This is my story.