Gypsy for your Decade

Growing up in tiny, outback town in NSW, was what made me decide I wasn’t the same as anyone else around me. I’d sit there and watch as the girls fit into their “groups”. I’d sit there and dream about where all the planes flying above me, flew to. Wondered who I’d meet, who I’d be, the things I’d see and the problems I’d have to solve.

20 years of being the polite, well behaved, quiet Christian girl and then finally the day came. I decided to leave my abusive boyfriend, he wasn’t home or in town for that fact. I had my opening I was waiting for.

So I packed my lime green, 1993 Holden Commodore ute and took the dirt back road out of town, past the bore baths and all the crops being harvested. I remember blaring ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and ‘Kryptonite’ out of the crackling speakers, while dust flew around behind me, kicked up and made by the Utes old tyres. I sang every word thru blurry eyes and with a broken heart- over and over until I faked the courage I severely lacked.

I drove from Lightning Ridge, NSW down the back roads to Moree, NSW. I found the police station, wrote my boyfriend I had just run away from, one last text message saying we were over and I was never coming back. Sent the text and threw my brick phone into the bushes at the police station. If he traced where I was- good luck explaining being a psychopath to the police. It was the first time in nearly 3 years I finally felt like I could breath, the heavy rock of regret finally lifting of my 20 year old chest.

I was free and it was the first time I had that feeling exploding inside my soul. My rib cage felt as tho it would burst with all the butterflies flying around, trying to make sense of what this new cage was..

We’d gone from caged, belittled, and hurt to the only cage was the oceans holding the earth together and countries apart. The space between the stars and spinning planets, the only cage was the universe we were let free in at birth..

We travelled all day, only stopping for food or fuel, our convoy:

Dad in the family car in front of me, me in the ute and the past I was running from falling from sight, further and further with every km we drive.

Country skies turned into city traffic. As the Central Coast neared and my destination was clearly inevitable, the butterflies turned into knots, my stomach felt like an Italian pizza maker was making dough to feed a village. Please don’t leave me here! Please don’t leave me alone.. Dad stood at the door saying his good byes, reminding me not to contact home until it was safe, saying he needed to drive the 10hours home so my ex wouldn’t know he had taken me away.

I watched as he backed out of the drive way and taking my whole past with him. I’d never left my hometown, I didn’t know the middle aged man I was now left with, I didn’t have any money or a job prospect.

He drove away with tears. I had just cried my heart out, negging him to take me with him, to please don’t leave me here, please! I was beyond scared, I didn’t know who or where I was anymore.

As I wiped my tears away and tried to be brave, he slowly disappeared in the rainy horizon and constant stream of traffic. It was a blurry scene, all I could see was a sea of tail lights and head lights. I stood at the door, I remember the feeling of knowing he was doing what was best for my safety but at the same time, I felt abandoned and small.

It’s the only time I ever wanted to be held and never let go.

The day I left and got left is the day my life ended and my future began.

I had survived domestic abuse for nearly 3 years, I had waited till it was the time to leave and as I was standing in the door step of a Woy Woy driveway, I was about to learn that going from Trapped to Travelling would be my best adventure yet.