The Untold Realities of Menopause

'I once launched a whole roast dinner at my family.' This was a quote from a woman talking about her battle with menopause. I haven't reached this stage yet, but it has been close.

It is relatively early for me to go through menopause as I advance to fifty. When I was thirty, I developed an ovarian cyst that grew to the size of a melon, and no, I am not exaggerating. By the time it was removed, it had eaten my left ovary.

I have spent the last eighteen years with only one ovary, which has been doing the work of two. That has pushed me into the menopause earlier than some of my friends.

Menopause is rarely spoken about

Even as I write this article, there is a shame about putting these feelings and thoughts where others can read them. Why are women so terrible concerning their health?

As mothers and partners, we put ourselves second. We keep going until we can go no more. Menopause is a kick in the arse to take care of ourselves, but even then we ignore it.

We ignore it until we can't. This 'natural' occurrence can potentially change a woman's life. It affects those around us and destroys everything we know.

Suicide rates are much higher than many people realise. It is a leading cause of death in the U.S., with nearly 46,000 people dying by suicide in 2020 alone.

It can't possibly be that bad.

There are women out there who breeze through menopause. My mother did, although now I wonder if that is just what she wanted us to think. Mothers are not meant to show weakness, especially those from my parent's generation.

Over the last couple of months, my life hasn't even felt like my own. I am a Taurus, and Taurus are known for their tempers. As a child, I had a temper, but for years, I have learned to cope with it. Now, I am a monster. I say the most hurtful things to those I love.

The worrying thing is that sometimes I don't even remember saying them. I said something stupid the other day, but I do not recall that. I know I was angry, but I don't remember saying it. A red mist descends, and I can't control it.

I have lost my passion for everything. Even writing gives me no joy. I struggle to publish three times a week, mainly to keep my subscribers happy. I could give it all up tomorrow. Writing was my life; it was my joy, the thing I loved. Now I can't be arsed.

I was lying in bed yesterday morning. I was so tired I couldn't get up. I have never been like this before. The black cloud of depression is hovering over my head. I know, tired. I have three babies, and this is a different tiredness.

There are treatments available

Those who have not gone through it would say take the medication and shut up. But, even medication comes with a wealth of problems.

Most hormone replacement therapies consist of two main chemicals: estrogen and progesterone. These are the options I have been offered. However, they do not come without their risks.

If I take just Oestrogen, then because of my endometriosis, I increase the risk of getting womb cancer. To combat these effects, I need to take progesterone as well. If you take progesterone, you increase your chance of developing breast cancer. If I don't take anything, I risk losing my sanity.

These are the choices women are given: what would you like, hot flushes, uncontrollable anger and sleepless nights, or we could stop this, and you choose between breast or womb cancer.

Why do women face these choices?

Because the research has not been completed into menopause to offer us any actual alternative treatments. You can bet your arse that if it were men suffering, the finances would be thrown at the problem.

Talking through this with my friend, she stated that she had gone to the menopause nurse recently. This woman sat down and chatted with her, went through her options, and supported her in finding the proper treatment.

She says her life has improved; she no longer feels every joint in her body working. I do. She can get a good night's sleep without having to wake up to change her bed because it is soaked with her sweat.

It was the light at the end of my tunnel.

This was what I needed to find my old self. With a renewed sense of purpose, I rang my doctor and asked for an appointment with the menopause nurse. Except my surgery doesn't have one, and I have to speak to my doctor about it.

To do this, I have to ring up in the morning and wait for hours before booking an appointment; then, I will get a callback, and they will see if I need one of their limited in-person appointments. It will not be viewed as an emergency; it is just something I am suffering daily. I won't get one of the emergency appointments. Even if I get one, I can't stipulate who I see, so I could speak to a male doctor about this.

I am not disparaging men when I say I don't want to talk to a man about menopause; I want to talk to a woman—preferably one who has gone through the same struggle.

What would help

We all need to know that others are going through the same thing. Some women will have it easier than others, but all women will go through it.

When writing this article, I looked for statistics to include. Again, I couldn't find any, showing how little research is done on the subject.

The more people talk about the difficulties they are going through, the more the conversation will grow, and then maybe, just maybe, money will be put into helping a large portion of the population.

Celebrities such as Davina McCall have started these conversations through the power of social media. The real test will be to get the men who hold the budget strings to listen.

I am strong, and I will get through this; I have to ultimately remind myself of this because, at the moment, it feels like an impossible mountain to climb. If you are going through the same, you are not alone. There are others out there that understand.

Originally published in Publishous