relationships
Trace the link between feminism and relationships from outdated norms to modern conventions including chivalry, working mothers, splitting the bill and beyond.
Was I Raped?
It was past my little brother's curfew. The street lights had been on for almost an hour; he knew to be home before they turned on. I was in charge. I was supposed to make sure that he was okay. I had called my parents—my stepfather, too. I was frantic. My stepfather had made it home first, then both of my biological parents. We organized a search throughout the neighborhood and any of his friends' houses that were close by. Being that I was seventeen and had my own vehicle, I desperately wanted to search with them. Instead, they told me to stay in case he arrived home. I was to call one of them immediately if he did.
By Opal O'Malley8 years ago in Viva
Defining Solidarity
For years I have wanted to start the conversation about how women can be more supportive of each other. I have wanted to build communication among sisters. How often have women been able to get to a point in life that they can sit back and reflect, and say, "Because of (this woman), I have gotten to this point of my career."
By Regina Stone-Grover8 years ago in Viva
Grateful for the Pain
Sometimes being protected is the very thing that gets us hurt. I grew up in a rather strict and devoutly religious home. We still acted like normal people, watching movies and spraying whipped cream into our mouths, but a few key things were different. I didn't have a curfew because I had to have permission to leave the house in the first place, and breaking a rule felt like breaking a law. My parents gave me or my two older sisters "the talk," because they thought that something that wouldn't happen had no reason to be talked about. All you needed to know was "no," and the rest would come at marriage.
By Mikaela Merritt8 years ago in Viva
Sticks and Stones
I’ll never forget the look on his face. The noise I made when I felt his hands on my shoulders and my feet give out from under me. The rug burn I got as I tried to pull myself away from him, but the pressure of his body on top of mine was too much. I was terrified. How did it get this bad? How did I possibly let myself into a situation like this? I’m a smart girl… Dammit, I know how I let this happen.
By Morgan Peña8 years ago in Viva
From Savior to Destroyer
I am a military brat. I have never been in one place long enough to forge relationships with people. I was born on one coast and moved to another in my early childhood and that is when my life began to spiral downwards. My mother is a raging alcoholic. Whenever my father was away, she would beat my older sister for any reason she could find. My sister protected me from the physical harm but there is only so much shielding possible from the psychological and emotional wounds that have long since turned into scars. One night after my sister was nearly choked to death she ran away only to be found hours later by California police, despite the bruising already forming on her neck in the shape of hands, the countless scratch marks on her arms and face, her clothes being torn from the struggle, the police reprimanded her for running away. They never said a word to my mother who was still drunk even at that point. Fast forward two years and my sixteen-year-old sister admits to having a drug issue in order to be sent back to our home on the east coast when in reality her drug problem didn't begin until she was home.
By Celest Nyte8 years ago in Viva
Overcoming Domestic Violence
A few years ago, I started dating this guy. I had my eyes on him for a while. I thought he was everything I wanted. He treated me really well, for a really long time. But, one day, he stopped treating me so well. We were on my couch, my mom had run to the store to get some groceries, my little brother was asleep in the other room. He said something that upset me, and I decided I was going to the just sit there in silence for a minute, to really take in what had just said to me. I didn’t really want to talk him in that moment. He didn’t like that I wasn’t answering him when he was speaking to me, so he hit me in my arm, pretty hard. I had a bruise the next day. I asked him why he did that later on, and he told me I shouldn’t have ignored him and made him mad. He hit me on a few other occasions. However, one that really sticks out to me would be the time he did it in front of my friends. We were outside of the school, and he wanted to fight this other boy. I didn’t want him to though, because I didn’t want him to get suspended. So I tried to hug him, and reach up to kiss him. When I did, he grabbed me really hard and threw me to the ground. My very best friend and my other friend where there. I cried so hard, and almost immediately, my arm starting bruising where he had grabbed me. My friends just told me to come on, and they both walked me to the bus. As I said before, those weren’t the only two times it happened, but those are the times that stick out the most to me. The first time and the time my friends were there. He has hit me in my face on multiple occasions as well. Domestic violence is definitely something that’s really hard to go through. For me, I didn’t even really know why he was doing it to me. I loved him more than anything. I thought he was the love of my life. He not only hurt me physically, but emotionally as well. He made me feel useless, and he made me feel like it was always my fault, or that he wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t deserve it. He always came up with some reason why he had done it, and usually it was that I “deserved it.” Eventually after almost four years of dating, and around two years of abuse, he broke up with me. He cheated on me with a girl in middle school, and when I found out about it, he broke up with me. Today, I’m glad that he broke up with me. However, when it happened, I was broken, I was sad, and I felt like I would never be enough for anymore. I thought to myself, “You gave him everything you had to offer in the world, and you still weren’t enough for him, how could you be enough for anyone else?” I went into a really deep depression for a few months after he left. But, after those few months were over, I started to realize what I lost, but also what I gained. Sure, I may have lost what I thought was my “first love.” However, I also lost the abuse, I lost the hurt, I lost the pain, and I lost the bruises. In the end of it all, I gained strength and self-confidence. Strength came before self-confidence of course. I gained strength only a few months after realizing that the pain and bruises were gone for good. I knew that if I could stay strong through that much hurt, and I could have put up with it for as long as I did, than I could handle my own, and I could be strong. The day I realized I was strong was the day I started to stand up for myself. I stopped letting people walk all over me. I stopped letting people talk about me without ever saying anything back or defending myself. I stopped being weak. I stood strong. However, gaining self-confidence took a lot longer. He had put me down so much, that I didn’t see a lot of good in myself. I knew I was strong, but that was about it. He made fun of my looks, my weight, my height, and pretty much everything else. By the time the relationship was over, I didn’t see a lot of good in myself, I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted. Some days I would even cry because I felt so ugly. It took me about a year and a half to really even start to feel a little bit of self confidence. I met a guy, a guy that I am now engaged to. He started telling me every single day how beautiful I am. I almost pushed him away, because I didn’t believe anything he said. I thought he was only telling me those things, because it’s what I “wanted to hear.” However, it turns out that he really meant everything he said. So, the more he would tell me how beautiful I was, the more I began to see it. I would ask him, “What’s beautiful about me?” and he would say something like everything about you is beautiful, or well I love your eyes and your smile. He would just name different things about me that made me beautiful. My self-confidence really started to build up, and I really started to see the beauty in myself. Today, I am stronger than I have ever been. Today, I see that I am beautiful. Today, I see that I am good enough. And today, I don’t even shed a tear when I think about what happened to me. I thank him for it, because he hurt me, but he also made me strong. He made me self-confident. He made me realize my worth. Because of him, I am a wonderful, and beautiful person, and I truly see it now.
By Catherine Johnson8 years ago in Viva
Unhealthy Kinda Love
It's always a really hard thing, talking about abusive relationships. A lot of people try to hide it and just push it to the side. I know what it's like when you first meet your partner and you fall in love because of how amazing, funny, cute, and exploring they are. It's funny how they like to trap you in a box because you have that hope that, one day, they can actually change.
By Marlyn Torres8 years ago in Viva
He Never Laid a Finger on Me
Glen and I were high school sweethearts. I loved him and thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I looked at him and often wondered how somebody like him could want to be with someone like me. I was this chubby, short, unpopular girl and to me, he was this slightly older, much cooler Adonis. Glen was very spoiled. If he wanted something specific for dinner, he'd get it. If he wanted a certain game system, even if they didn't have the money, he'd still have it. New guitar? Sure. Lessons to go with it? You betcha. His mom even did his laundry for him. He was very fortunate even though his family was NOT very well off. As you can imagine, he was used to getting his way and I fed into that immediately upon dating him.
By Moogle Macabre8 years ago in Viva
