Redefining Femininity

Women have been changing the supposed rules of femininity for hundreds of years, there isn't any doubt about that. But sometimes, certain ones stand out in such a legendary way that you know they'll be talked about for generations to come.

One such one for me is Ilona Maher.

I feel almost ashamed to say this, but I did not know about the amazingness that is Ilona Maher until the first time she graced my screen during the new season of Dancing With The Stars. After watching her introductory package and dance on the premiere episode, I delved into the rabbit hole of all things Maher.

"I'm this very big muscular woman, but I also feel so beautiful and feminine. I'm mean, you know, I grew up not very comfortable so I want to now make it easier for young girls to love [their] body." - Ilona Maher, DWTS S33 E1

For those of you who may have been under the same rock with me, Maher, along with her team, won bronze at the 2024 Paris Olympics for rugby. She has used her unique position to promote body positivity for young girls, address biased gender stereotypes in sports, and fight cliches about women in sports. In fact, Maher is popular for her red lipstick on and off the field, proving that she does not have to sacrifice who she is to play an aggressive sport.

Now I don't wear lipstick. Actually, I just don't wear makeup, partly because it's a sensory thing (also never been a fan of it on my face), but I greatly admire Ilona's bold way of bringing these two parts of herself together. It's kind of a "screw you" to anyone who thinks women in aggressive sports or, her words, "big muscular" women can't be pretty.

Speaking of feeling pretty, another way Ilona promotes body positivity is through fashion. There are two moments that really stand out for me. In September, she graced the digital cover of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, wearing a gorgeous brown bikini and wait until you look at her online gallery. Then more recently, she wore this amazing number during her Dedication Night rumba, saying she felt very pretty and sexy.

The biggest lesson here: body type does not have to dictate what makes you feel sexy and beautiful. And that's going to look differently on every woman. Props goes to those who choose to bare more skin, but also to those who choose to cover up.

Something else I strongly appreciate is how unapologetically real and candid Ilona is. Society does not make doing so easy for anyone, and it seems to be worse the more you stand out, including women. I know for me, especially recently, I've had to deal with figuring out who I spent time with because I was exhausted of this feeling I needed to shape or shrink myself for them. Ilona Maher shows that denying who you are, even parts of yourself isn't the way to go, and that you will be loved because of who you are.

I think one great example of this is from her time on DWTS, which I'm really hoping she makes it to the finale. During Hair Metal Night, Maher had a rough night and broke down, something they further showcased on the following week. Not only did I want to give her a hug, but to see her be so willing to show that in front of millions further inspires me to be open about my emotions and to be vulnerable.

When I was younger, it felt like people gave women a hard time for showing emotions, like it was a weakness rather than a strength to show that part of yourself. It's taken a long time to reindoctrinate the idea of vulnerable and open in myself, and I'm still working on it. It'll probably always be something to work on. But not only has writing helped with that, but also seeing quote-on-quote, strong, tough women do so, I think, "why can't I?"

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So what does being a woman mean to me?

Wearing old sweatpants, crashing on the couch, binging rom-coms or crime thrillers, gouging on piles of chocolate.

Strutting in the grocery store in all black - a jumpsuit and wedges.

Breaking down so I can get up and be better the next around.

Laughing hysterically and loudly in a crowded room, and getting louder when everyone stares at me.

Dancing to an endless loop of "Fearless" by Taylor Swift in the rain alone.

Dressing up, or I guess "overdressing" to some, for no one else except me.

Stretch marks, cellulite, and body rolls galore.

I could go on for days and of course, my definition is going to differ from every woman I pass on the street.

But the great thing is we all get a chance to define femininity for ourselves. We are surrounded by examples to embolden us to do so, like celebrities, including Ilona Maher or those in our community.

We don't have to live in the confines of what society defines for us, we can create our own.

So what does being a woman mean to you?