Me.NoPause.2

“Is that normal”? Subtitle “Am I normal?” … I have stopped counting the posts ending or starting with this since I have joined social media menopause groups. All 20something of them…Always that question coming back, don’t take me wrong, I’m not judging, I have applied myself with professional dedication not to live a normal life, whatever it means, and still…Still, I remember perfectly well I ended up asking myself the same question with the first hot flush. Believe it or not, my mother who has no problem sharing careful details about bowels movement, yours or hers, a great listener on this at least, never shared any information about menopause. So of course, when the first night sweat showed up at 41 years old, me, a relatively well-educated woman, even if I admit biology was not my forte, didn’t t even think that it could be this because no woman in my family mentioned it ever in front of me.

Luckily, I was diagnosed quickly and treated with plant-based remedies. It stopped the sweat/flush symptoms and the constant bellyaches, so I thought I was sorted. But never for a minute, I mentioned to that remarkable GP that my libido was buried under flannel PJs and socks even in the middle of the summer, not because I felt embarrassed, not even that but because for me it was two different matters and true enough, he didn’t volunteer at the time the long list of possible symptoms, probably thinking I had enough on my plate already … So, I blamed the #mumof4 lifestyle, I blamed the new job, I blamed the 15 years old couple routine, I blamed myself, but never linked it with the peri menopause I was already diagnosed with.

A few years later, sweats abated but periods became suddenly crime scene dimension. That I could see… but it never occurred to me that the light blues that went with it, became dark, then became such an obvious fully blown depression that I couldn’t t even go further than the supermarket was part of the hormone package. I blamed the poor life choices I had made, to be honest moving my entire family on the other side of the globe sounded like perfect suspect. I blamed the ensuing financial situation. I blamed the lack of support of most of so called friends, I blamed myself, but never linked it with the peri menopause I was already diagnosed with…

I could repeat this sequence for insomnia, for the state of my skin, for the tendinitis I couldn’t shake for the last 5 years or even for the constant craving of beer I had for an entire year (hint: hop in the beer contains phytoestrogens) but I think you got the rap: all those were the symptoms of that one and only biological process of my female body not producing hormones. A very normal process, an organic one, an animal one. Nothing more normal than this actually. But because as humans we have strived to control everything or learn to shut it off when we can’ t, we think now it’s not normal.

And this thought, more than any hot flush, dry vagina, insomnia, or any other symptoms of the 48 I have counted so far thanks to the brave women who dare to share everywhere, is the most damaging of all. This thought shames you, prevents you to ask for help even from the people whose job it is to give you help, makes you think you are not worth of help. So, I’m going to say it loud: it’s not something you do, it’s something that is happening to you. You are as normal as you are supposed to be. It’ s the answer to it that is not.

And it is time we change that for our younger sisters, for our daughters, for the generations to come.