become a better person

Become a Better Person

I chose this title not because I'm wise, but because that's what I'm trying to do right now: become the best version of myself-even though the road... well, it's winding and there are many traps.

I really remember when I was 17-18, life felt like an afternoon soap opera: full of turmoil, love, and decisions made using more feelings than common sense. You know, that age is like a vulnerable period between “wanting to be an adult” but still often “thinking like a child.”

In that phase, a lot of my friends-including myself-felt like they really needed attention. Especially if you grew up without a strong father figure, or your family relationship is unstable. It feels like love from someone is the answer to all emptiness. In fact... sometimes it becomes a source of new problems.

I used to have a relationship that-if made into a movie-might be called “Dating Makes Your Brain Hit Deadlines.” Because really, yes, instead of getting more focused, I lost my way. Having family problems? I relax. Asked to help around the house? Too busy. Asked to study? Instead, I scroll through his chat, waiting for him to reply “what are you doing.”Worse, instead of realizing it, I sunk even further. I became the laziest version of myself. Even when I knew my religion clearly forbade unhealthy dating like that, I was still reckless. It's like knowing it's hot water, but still dipping my hand in while saying, “who knows, it's just warm.” Well, it burns, boss!

And you know what, the most painful thing is not when you break up. But when you realize, “Damn, how come I was that selfish at that time?” I don't hate the person, they're human too. But I was really upset with the relationship I was in-it wasn't healthy, it wasn't productive, and it made me forget who I really was.

Now, at the age of 18, I decided to stop looking for other people to be a source of happiness. I started to learn to be comfortable with being alone. And honestly, life without drama is... delicious, bro. Sleep well, wake up without overthinking, and most importantly: you have time to get to know yourself better.

I started writing, started reading self-development books, joined activities, helped my family, slowly figured out, “What do I really want in life?” Because it turns out, building a life is not just about having a partner, but about having a direction.And here's the important part:

If you're in a relationship that makes you lose your identity, ask yourself:

Am I still my old self? Or have I changed to please someone else?

If the answer is yes, maybe it's time to take a break. Not everyone who comes into your life should be fought to the death. Sometimes, we also have the right to choose ourselves.

Dating is fine (within a healthy corridor and clear goals), but don't lose the main focus of your life: growing. Love should be fuel for growth, not a chain that keeps you from flying.

And for those of you who relate to my story, let's take a lesson together. It's okay to be stupid, the important thing is not to be stupid all the time. Don't let old wounds traumatize you and shut you down forever. But also don't easily believe in sweet talk that's only good at the beginning, the end is like instant noodles: false satiety.

Maybe you don't have a partner yet, don't know where you want to go, or still feel empty. But trust me, when you take the time to fill yourself with good things, you'll be grateful to have been alone. Because when you've found the best version of yourself, you'll no longer be looking for someone to “complete” your life-but you'll be looking for someone to grow with.And if you're still confused about whether to date or not, one message from me:

"If you're still cranky about not being notified for two hours, maybe you're not ready to date... it's better to be mentally prepared first for real life."

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Thank you for reading this story. Sorry if it's a bit long and snarky, but hopefully it can be a reflection and make you smile a little while thinking, “Wow, it turns out I'm not alone.”

Let's be the best version of ourselves. Take it slow, the important thing is to walk. 🌱