100 Days of Meditation Post Break-Up

The Playlist That Made Itself

By Ashley EllisPublished 5 years ago • 7 min read

Day 1 – February 25th, 2021

I took a look at my YouTube music playlist after my afternoon workout and got slapped back by my sudden realization today! The list started with “Head in the Clouds” by Naika featuring Teamarrr a song about putting down the emotional baggage of an ex-relationship in order to pick up one’s Goddess-hood instead. The second song was “Stronger” by Raveena a song I interpreted to be about trusting yourself and not letting a man discourage your own divinity. Then it was “Be Careful” by Cardi B, literally telling her man to appreciate her or else risk losing her. “What You Won’t Do” by Savanna Cristina is a mix of oldie vibes with newbie lyrics and again about appreciating the woman in your life before she’s gone. And a slew of Other songs mostly consistent of the artists Teamarrr, Doja Cat, Beyoncé, and Lizzo. I’d been jamming on the way to the store to gather groceries to make for my boyfriend, singing in the shower in his small one bedroom apartment merely yards away from him, and making out with him with the music bumping in the background without ever noticing that I’d unintentionally and expertly cultivated my break-up playlist prior to my actual break-up.

The first question that comes to mind did I know that I was going to be breaking up with him, and if so did I manifest this break-up? The short answer—yes. That would have been a tough realization a year and half ago. But now, I accept the underlining energies at work. The number one rule of my current spiritual practice is that I am the creator of my own reality. She thinks there for she is. It’s taken me quite a bit of time to get to where I am with that understanding and it has taken hours, days, and now years to get to the understanding that I have presently. And, while what I’ve said might be terrifying or even blasphemous for someone that hasn’t seen and experienced what I have experienced, I know without a doubt as purely as I know my own name that it’s an absolute blessing to realize one’s own creative power. Yes, that even includes the shittier moments like a break-up. Of course, with the realization of my own creative freedom and ability to manifest my own reality as I see fit, there are universal rules that still come into play.

The basic rules are as follows:

1. You are a creator of your own reality not anyone else’s!

2. Source adore us all unconditionally, because source is pure positive energy. It can’t vibrate anything but positivity.

3. Source is always working to have things work out for us, even when we create obstacles for ourselves.

4. Connection to source is connection to your higher self (an extension of source).

5. There is no ultimate evil out to get you—nor can you ever be evil—you are always connected to source (your higher self) and therefore can never be evil no matter your actions, thoughts, or beliefs. However, you can get out of tune with source, and much like a piano that becomes out of tune you can play a bad note here and there if you don’t tune up. *Just because source will always see you as perfectly amazing in all of your actions doesn’t mean that a court of law will—remember that.

6. Like attracts like; i.e. the law of attraction.

7. Contrast is anything you perceive as negative; i.e. anger, obstacles, worry, anxiety, hatred, stress, confusion, loss, illness, lack of anything.

8. Contrast isn’t evil it is necessary in the creative process.

9. Every thought ever thought still exists.

10. A belief is just a pattern of thought that you continue to think.

11. Just as there is a momentum one can build in the physical sense, there is also a non-physical momentum one can build i.e. thoughts.

12. You can never get it wrong and you’re always on the right path.

13. You won’t ever be done creating.

14. We are mostly non-physical beings in a physical body.

15. You can either participate actively in creating your own reality or you can react after things have occurred and create after the fact.

16. You knew what experiences you’d be exposed to before you entered your physical bodies. Your consciousness came for the process of creating in a physical world where contrast exists.

17. Meditation is a tool one may use to connect with source and practice being active creators.

18. There are many ways to connect to source, anytime you feel at one, happy, content, at peace, relaxed, clear, or any variation of these. Some call it the zone, the runner’s high, elation, orgasm, ecstasy, being in the moment, going with the flow, vining, experiencing the sublime, nirvana.

19. When you sleep you release resistance holding you back from source and any negative momentum you had prior to sleeping gets erased; you get to start fresh and new when you wake.

Those are the basics and I’m sure more will appear as I go through this journey, but for now those shall do. Some of these rules I felt and understood even as a child, I just didn’t have the words for what I was feeling and I couldn’t quite explain it. For me, nature was my connection to source; I felt connected every time I brushed a tree with my fingertips or let my feet soak in a stream. As I grew I went through gradual phases of spiritual awakening. I was a nature lover, a writer, an orthodox Catholic, then a Catholic, then a modern Catholic, Christian, non-denominational, a sometimes Christian, a slut, a Christian Witch, a Green Witch, a spiritual novice, a follower of Abraham/Esther Hicks's teachings, and now a full blown master creator of my own reality. Most of the things I’ll be talking about came from my deep dive into the audiobooks and YouTube videos of Abraham’s teachings. I won’t elaborate on every single rule listed above consecutively; I’m sure they’ll get addressed as they come and go in relevance throughout my journey. And I think that’s the best way to exchange what I know. Abraham says all the time that words don’t teach—experiences do.

Liam was my boyfriend of about six months. Not the longest relationship but by no means the shortest. And yet, I had a lot of momentum built into this relationship. I loved him and he loved me and we were living together; it was the first time I’d ever moved in with any man. I was enamored and excited to build a lasting relationship with him. But this isn’t about him, and it isn’t about our past relationship. This is about what I’m doing now that it has ended. This is about the process it takes for me to reach my 100 days of meditation post break up. Yesterday, I was at 73 days of consecutive meditation before I called my ex with the intent to offer my compassion and wound up screaming at him instead. I hadn’t realized until the moment I hung up that I’d been holding onto the hope of getting back together. I couldn’t sleep that night because I was too busy replaying my rant over and over in my head. It wasn’t my best moment post spiritual mastery, but rule numbers 4 & 11 reminded me of that fun story Abraham mentioned about punching someone in the face out of anger. She said that it was okay to express the emotions that you feel when they’re negative ( in this case it was the action of punching someone in the face) so long as you didn’t dwell on them for too long—dwelling built negative momentum and only invited more displeasure into my experience. Kind of like when you have a bad morning and then can’t get out of the funk so it follows you throughout your entire day.

I preferred to address my grievances with my words and the truth; but that night I’d reacted in frustration from all the times I didn't speak up and turned into the equivalent of the verbal Muhammad Ali…and it'd felt good. But, the after part—the dwelling felt awful. I decided later this morning, after enjoying the benefits of rules 16 meditation and 18 starting anew after a good night’s sleep, that I wanted to restart my 100 day journey of meditation. I felt like it would be a great homage to the contrast (rule 7 contrast is part of the creative process) of my past relationship and all the lessons it brought me. Most importantly, I wanted to give myself something new to look forward to.

Back to what I said at the start of all this. I manifested my own break-up. And in truth, I felt it weeks before the words shot out of his mouth. I’d been ignoring my own unhappiness. But the universe is always bringing you what you intend and need. I needed to get out of that relationship, but I didn’t want to end it. I didn’t want to hurt him—or be the bad guy—source heard my silent pleas for resolution, responded to my intent, and handled it for me so I wouldn’t have to. And just to remind me that source had my back (rules 2 & 3) I had a playlist of exceptionally beautiful women of color singing to me and reminding me that I am strong, valuable, stunning, indispensable, powerful, and divinely blessed.