Lifestyle
For the lives that we love, and everything that comes with it.
My Son
I was six weeks when I found out that I was pregnant. Unfortunately, I struggled so much to get seen by an OB doctor because I couldn’t get medical for some unknown reason. Time goes on and I’m already 4 months with no ultrasound until I can finally get myself into a clinic where they were patient and understanding enough to take me in for prenatal care until I got my medical situated.
By Elissa Gallegos8 years ago in Families
Why I Stopped Talking to My Family
I always thought that I would be part of my family. I pictured going to my father's home and bringing my children over to visit with their grandfather. I pictured holidays together and spending time with my siblings and sharing memories. I always knew that my family was not very healthy. There was plenty of dysfunction to go around, and as the oldest child I was able to witness most of it. I thought for the most part that my family maybe didn't exactly like me, but they loved me. I was completely wrong. It took me many many years to realize that I was the scapegoat in my family and that the role would follow me forever. I was always blamed for things that didn't even have anything to do with me. I was punished more severely, made to feel not good enough always, and I was never praised or recognized for any accomplishment I achieved. I made every effort to make my parents and siblings see I was a good person and I deserved their love. I was always given a taste of love but never the full meal. I was always used for any money I brought in from any job I had. I was made to take care of my younger siblings and take care of my mother. I took care of the household and did everything I could to show my family how much I loved them. Sure, I was not perfect but I didn't deserve the harsh realities of being the scapegoat. When I started researching narcissistic families my whole life became so crystal clear. I finally understood that I was not the problem and that I was worthy of love. I knew that I needed to be a bit more cautious of my family. I never thought that the bitterness they held for me was so great that they would decided to try and ruin my life. It came as a complete and total shock. I must explain some back story to you before I go any further. I was so very saddened by how my family acted towards me and as a young teen I didn't understand. I dabbled in some drug use and ended up in a very harmful and abusive relationship. I managed to get my life together when I became pregnant with my daughter. I was so happy to have her that I wanted and would always vow to be the best mother to her. I had a hard time still with depression and I went to therapy. I was blessed with 2 more beautiful children; my boys a few years later. I love and treasure my kids. My kids are what I live for, and I strive and work very hard for them to have the best possible childhood they can have. I have been what I would consider a mother I wished I would have had. I never want my kids to feel how I did. I am happy and love life. Well, my family couldn't stand to see me happy with a man I love and my kids. They needed to put me down as they had done all the years prior. I was not allowed to feel happiness. How dare I? My sick family knew that my weakness and fear was not being with my children. They plotted and in such a sick way used abuse by proxy to involve my aunt in a false allegation smear campaign against me. They tried to put absurd false allegations against me with founded no proof. I was amazed at how sick they could be. The hurt and betrayal made me sick for days. I was never so angry at the pain they tried to cause me. I knew then that these people did not at all have my best interest at heart. I knew they wanted to see me fail and be so unhappy. I knew I could never look them in the face after what they did to try and ruin me. I know that it may not seem like such a big betrayal to some, but you have to understand how sneaky and deceiving this was and how completely unjustified this was. It came from nowhere and to this day I can't get over why they would do such a cruel thing. I of course tried to defend my honor while they tried to somehow make me look crazy. I knew I had to stop feeding into the craziness they created and the drama they lived for. I never wanted to be a part of that family ever again. I did not receive anything good from a relationship with them. I knew I would never be able to trust them and I knew how toxic it would be to have my babies around them. I had to go 'no contact' with them and I had to do it now. My family is my world, I would be damned if they would try and take that from me. I needed to see how evil they were, how much they did not care about me or my kids. It was finally the push I needed to stop the abuse. I have officially been no contact with the family for almost 3 months now and it still is hard sometimes. I sit and hope to see them realize they were wrong and come apologizing to me. But that is just a fantasy and I realize that is never going to be. I wouldn't let them back into my life now. I have grown so much stronger and learned so much about myself during this time. I am not going to lie. Sometimes I feel all alone. I feel a feeling of homesickness, like I don't have a family. I feel orphaned. But then I realize that I am so blessed to see them for what they are and stop the abuse. I am blessed to have found my own way and have my family. I will never understand the cruel ways of my narcissistic family but I will know that they will go to no length to try and hurt you. Education against individuals who have narcissism is the best weapon that you can hold against them. You learn the tactics they use to bring you down and you can then see who is not for you and toxic. I hope that by sharing just this one instance of the abuse I suffered, will help someone who is going through a similar experience. You have the strength to remove yourself from your family if they are doing things to hurt you. No one deserves to be put down and treated in such an abusive way. You owe your family nothing and when you walk away you begin to heal and it is so peaceful to know that it wasn't you that was the problem, instead it was them..
By Ash astrid8 years ago in Families
Who We Are
It's almost 2018 and our voices are still not being heard. In a man-made world, we are still silent. Now from my experience, I have been through two of these situations. As a young woman, I am taught that my body is sacred. For it to be sacred though, I need to change this and that about my body. Be aware of my personality and say what they want me to say. We have grown up in an epidemic where social media has raised us. Women hide so much of their true self that when we try to identify who we really are, we just can't. My first relationship was in high school. In my mind, he was everything I wanted. But like most young men, they have something hidden and painful. Who doesn't have that though, at an age where everything is confusing? Anyways, it seemed like I always learned to take care of his needs before my own. In my mind I just thought I was being a great girlfriend but to him, it's the word submissive. He was the reason that I feared the things I use to love. In a world that already seems damaged, the plunge to hell was coming quicker. I was the girl who lied my way for him. I'd runaway to be with him yet runaway to be far from him. I'd tell friends that I had fallen or was just clumsy. I became distant to people who had always been there for me. I wasn't living my life anymore. When we broke up, I felt even lower. My bipolar disorder became intensified, the PTSD was settling hard in my thoughts and I just remember my life being blurry. He stalked me for a year. A freaking year of constant torture. "I love you, no wait I hate you." Back and forth we were with each other. I had to repair relations that I figured were damaged. I had really good friends at the time who helped me figure myself out again. Then I met my longest relationship to date. He was someone I met through my first and I wish I could of seen the signs. Now let me tell you, the ex did some damage to my mind mentally that I experienced drugs and became an addict to deal with the pain. I felt like he stole a part of my youth that I just needed to get back. So, partying, staying out late, drinking and getting high to let time go by. Yeah; that was my life for a bit until I met J. J seemed like he cared on a deeper level. We had a serious connection and we went through a lot together. Again, I was submissive with him. I tried pushing him to do better and want to be better. This just led me back to the same path of pain that I was trying to get rid of. I damaged relationships all over again, we were both full blown addicts, homeless a few times and everything you could imagine happened. He was my devil on both shoulders. The night he choked me to a point where I could of passed out made me question myself and why I would want to keep going through this. I eventually made a plan to get him out of my life but I'm still working on myself. I learned in my own experience that both my abusers were troubled teens. Someone had let them down and couldn't lift them back up. It is so hard for a young adult to face reality and then have society tell you it is your fault. You don't hear enough about the truth. Did you know 85% of women are more likely to be victims to domestic abuse than men? Scary thought right? That is someone's mother, daughter, niece, aunt, and friend. For the abuser, every 20 minutes you have laid physical abuse on a woman, have chosen 1 out 7 to stalk immensely. YOU became the 19% who used a weapon for fear. YOU, have impacted someone's physical and mental health. And more than half of them are 6ft under because you had issues and used it on them. ME, I wish there was more talk about what to do when you are in this type of relationship. I wish there was a better handle of this and more women would speak up for their selves. If you can't speak for yourself, speak out for the younger generation who looks up to you. Don't let them think that hiding a problem is a way of solving it. Don't let them think abuse and bullying, is a way of affection cause it's not. It takes 30 seconds to let someone know you are hurting and in danger. Don't let it be too late. Don't fake your own life to please someone else.
By Katlyn Jackson8 years ago in Viva
Calico Cats
Do you have a calico? Is she crazy? Is she mean? I have a calico cat, myself. She can be quite crazy. Her name is Jingles, and she is three years old. I had her since she was about two months old. Little background, I got her on my 16th birthday. I received this amazing gift from my sister. For the first two months of Jingles' life, she was a barn kitten. Ever since she been with me, she has been a indoor cat only.
By Ashcraz McKay8 years ago in Petlife
6 Reasons Why Cutting Off All My Hair Made Me Happier
Almost four years ago, I marched into my local hair salon armed with a sense of reckless confidence. I sat down and resolutely asked the stylist to cut off all my hair – clicking through a slideshow of sample pictures I’d saved from the Internet – to which she replied, “How long have you thought about this?”
By Carissa Joy Johnson8 years ago in Viva
Don't Ask Me When I'm Having a Baby
It is automatically assumed that when a woman enters her early twenties that she would be trying for a baby. And if she hasn't given birth or hinted at having a family by the time she is 25, something must be terribly wrong. In my own experience, older family members seem to think it is perfectly acceptable to ask you when you're going to have a baby every single time you see them.
By Jenna Edwards8 years ago in Viva
#MeToo. Top Story - November 2017.
There’s this hashtag going around Facebook recently - you might have seen it? It goes like this: "If all the women/femme aligned folks who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "#MeToo” as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem."
By Kate Nichols8 years ago in Viva
