The Police Should Go Nuclear!

NOTE: This article is purely satire.

In the news, there is this talk about defunding the police. It would be bad on many counts because criminals can get off Scott Free for their crimes. Should the bureaucrats get their way, the police will be helplessly undermined by severe budget cuts. Now, this would put cities and towns all over America in peril. However, I have to say there is a solution to this defunding of the police.

My solution you ask?

I believe the police should be given access to Weapons Grade Plutonium. It would be the best thing to ever happen to our police forces. I say give them nuclear weapons to compensate for the lack of officers and resources.

That is the short version of how I feel. Still, allowing the police to use nuclear weapons would enable our police forces more time to relax. Considering that the police are always on call and risking their lives each day and each night, arming the police with nukes would see that our officers have more time to themselves and their families. No longer a need to worry about canceling trips or plans, the police will have more time to enjoy their lives! In fact there will also be an increase of community outreach programs as a result of this move.

Now, just imagine the possibilities of law enforcement departments going nuclear. It would save loads of money in the long run! As for criminals, there would be no need to fear them anymore. Should there be a burglary? Send a police ordered nuke! A rapist on the run? Nuke their last known whereabouts! The city gripped by a serial murderer? Easy? Nuke the city and be done with it! Drug dealers? I say launch a strategically placed nuclear air strike and watch the entire neighborhood go bye-bye!

How could anyone not love my idea? A police force with nuclear potential would reduce the need of firearms, arrests, and jails. Imagine the money saved by eliminating those very things! With nuclear weapons, the police do not have to worry about the rising costs of incarceration and the transport of inmates. Besides, the money left over could be utilized in obtaining useful things for the police. Like radiation suits for example! We don't want the Men and Women in Blue to glow green now do we?

It is bad enough the police have to contend with the lowest scum of society. Each day, the police are on the streets ensuring the safety of a disdainful populace. Imagine working a job where everyone hates you. This includes the city government, the people you protect, and the criminals you deal with. That is basically what the police endure. And even worse yet? The police are not paid enough in doughnuts and coffee to deal with this stuff all the time! What is more heartbreaking is officers go out each day risking life and limb. Police in the line of duty are not sure if they will ever see another sun rise. Or another sun set for that matter.

Yet, back to the original topic at hand.

Why nuclear weapons? To put it simply, nuclear weapons have ended wars in the past. (Well, one that we know of so far.) Therefore, arming our police forces with nuclear weapons would end crime instantly. Considering the police are now being defunded by whiny crybaby activists and politicians alike, nuclear weapons would be there to compensate. No criminal would ever respect a police force armed with flashlights and slingshots. Nuclear weapons on the other hand would give the police the leverage needed to blast criminals (and the entire neighborhood) to kingdom come. Sure the city and its people will suffer, but it is a small price to pay to eradicate crime permanently.

Until then, dear citizen, I suggest you and I both head to the nearest underground bunker immediately! The police have the nuke and they've pushed the button! Wait...what is that?!

INCOMING!!!