The Next 15 Dumb Ideas the Left Will Probably Fight For

If you thought we hit peak lunacy with “men can get pregnant” or “climate change causes racism,” buckle up. Because the activist Left — powered by hashtags, hysteria, and a TikTok-fueled moral superiority complex — is just getting started.

Here are 15 absurd-yet-probably-inevitable ideas liberals and Democrats will likely champion next. Some are satire. Others may already be in committee.

1. Voting Rights for AI Robots

“Machine learning is people too.” Just wait until your thermostat gets a ballot and your toaster applies for early voting.

2. A Federal Department of Microaggressions

Staffed by gender studies graduates, their job will be to patrol barbecues, Zoom meetings, and public bathrooms to detect tone violations and issue mandatory apology fines.

3. DEI Certification for Toddlers

Before they learn the alphabet, toddlers will be required to complete a ten-hour sensitivity training course on pronouns, colonialism, and the trauma of Disney princesses.

4. Universal Basic Income for Pets

Because “emotional labor is labor,” and support animals deserve a living wage. Look for direct deposit to your dog’s BarkBank account.

5. Carbon Tax on Breathing

Especially if you're a white male. Bonus penalties for breathing too heavily during a disagreement with someone who identifies as an oppressed molecule.

6. Reparations for Plants

Trees were harvested without consent. Grass was stepped on without acknowledgment. Time to pay up for centuries of botanical oppression.

7. A Trans-Inclusive National Anthem

“Oh say can you them…” Every lyric rewritten to avoid gender, nationality, violence, or any references to victory, vision, or volume.

8. Renaming Every City with a Colonial Name

Washington is out. Jefferson City? Canceled. Replaced with Equityville, Virtue Junction, and Gretafield. GPS systems will be updated with trigger warnings.

9. Banning Private Lawns

Lawns are a symbol of colonial conquest. They must be replaced by city-mandated goat pastures and climate-conscious moss gardens.

10. Feelings-Based Math Subsidies

If your truth says 2 + 2 = 5, who is anyone to question it? Math is colonial and needs to be decolonized with emotion-based arithmetic.

11. A Gender-Neutral National Bird

The bald eagle is too masculine, too proud, and too free. The new bird will be the Emotionally Supportive Genderfluid Parakeet — perched on safe space signage nationwide.

12. Daily National Apology Hour

Every morning, Americans will be expected to log in to a government-hosted Zoom call to apologize for something they didn’t personally do. Failure to cry results in a social credit deduction.

13. Climate Lockdowns

No leaving your home unless the temperature drops. Outdoor activity requires approval from the Department of Environmental Emotional Regulation.

14. Ban the Words “Mom” and “Dad” in Public

Too heteronormative and exclusionary. Approved alternatives include “Nurturer Alpha” and “Caretaker Beta.” Offenders will be referred to the Council of Parental Equity.

15. Replace the Dollar with “WokeCoin”

Currency backed by social media activism, protest attendance, and verified statements of allyship. Cash is canceled. Dissent is defunded.

Final Thoughts

The line between satire and policy proposal is getting thinner by the day. Things we mocked five years ago are now baked into university policies, corporate HR manuals, and public school curriculums.

Insanity doesn’t arrive all at once. It trickles in under the banner of progress, appeals to emotion over logic, and punishes dissent as bigotry.

Stay alert. Stay sane. And above all, stay loud.

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Got your own predictions? Drop them in the comments. Let’s build the list before they build the next agency.