Republicans! Here’s a Hint, Eve Had a Point of View Too

Republicans just don’t know if they should shit or go blind. They’ve fought for years to establish the idea that abortion is wrong. The only problem with that stance is the problems women have when their lives are upended with a pregnancy. Well, those problems do not give a single fuck about laws that any state passes to insist that all the citizens of that state ignore reality. God just screwed up when he/she/it made women. Cripes, it’s right there in Genesis. Women are being punished for being more curious than men. Therefore, it’s clear, some 5000 years later, that Adam and Eve were evil through and through. Not only that but it was Eve who had to have some apple. She knew better and made poor Adam do something he really did not want to do. The only reason God was PO’ed with Adam was because he didn’t stand up for what God told him to do with his old lady. Apparently, Adam’s fig leaf prevented tanning in certain essential areas which support manly manliness, and poor Adam succumbed to the succubus Eve. Maybe it’s just me, but that story has some parts in it that answer a lot of my questions, but it surely does raise a bunch of questions I can’t answer, too.

One question I have is how did Eve interpret what God said? Let me start with asking this question so you can see why I have this set of questions. Eve was a woman, right? Women have to have their hair done regularly, right? Well. You certainly are not telling me that Eve never went down to Ione’s Beauty Shoppe and Nail emporium located right there in the front room and what used to be a spare bedroom of Ione’s mother’s house and a second location down at the mall. And you’re saying that the girls down there didn’t ever talk about Adam’s paleness? Why else would he have been embarrassed to be naked in the Eden CrossFit and Tanning gym’s locker room in front of God? Obviously it was because, as we have finally learned from Trucker, Carl’s Son, that because Adam wore a fig leaf to keep his junk out of the chickweeds in the garden, he missed out on the benefits of au naturel tanning for men. So what did tick God off when he found Adam experimenting with style? I doubt it was because that fig suit didn’t fit well. There’s conjecture it was ample. Couldn’t be because Adam flat out lied, could it? I mean, you can’t expect a man to admit that the reason his old lady is unhappy is because of his own ED problems. How could a man do such a thing? The girls down at Ione’s would have had a field day.

Clearly, Adam had no choice, no matter the cost. He had to protect his (remaining) manhood. Especially from people like Fany Willis. Fany (Don Poorelone likes to point out that HE pronounces her name “fanny like your ass”) Willis, a woman who ain’t wearing a fig leaf cause if she’s wearing anything, she’s wearing a thong and her ass gets way blacker than the Don’s. Then there’s Leticia James, that woman from New York, who has no sympathy for the Don at all. Actually, there’s a lot of fallout for the Don because of the lack of tanning effect on his masculinity. And I can see why an awful lot of women would tend toward Yes Dear-ing him over his self-perceived dominance over them. That dynamic has never existed. The reality that even Adam faced when he wanted to partake of some of the reason that God put he and Eve in the Garden in the first place was Eve decided everything. Hell, that girl had headaches before Adam even knew there were headaches.

Fast forward to today. What we find in the anti-abortion wing of Clueless Strip Club and Tittie Bar is a bunch of guys who feature retro-fitted thought processes which allows them to fantasize of controlling when they’re going to get laid. Because God made Eve the way he did, women fulfill their destiny by doing pleasurable things for a man. Which includes meting out favors to him like food and nighttime warmth. But only when she gets good and damned ready, by the way. She has to be in the mood to cook if you want the food to be nourishing, right? There are men who still do not understand the pecking order of humanity. These men are typically unaware that they are following a time-worn concept which has never had a chance of working. Oh, well. My mom used to say, “if at first you don’t succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed.” Yep, she was goofy. So? Apparently, my dad didn’t really mind.

There is a fly in this ointment, however. When women experience a build-up of energy they no longer have a way to express, it sometimes results in what’s known in medical circles as Forsyth County, Georgia Syndrome. Which it turns out is a variant of Trump Derangement Syndrome. It is not fatal, although people near sufferers may wish for death either for the infected or for themselves, as death is the only means of escaping the constant crap. Neither variant is widespread although it is quite common to encounter these rather common viruses. Especially in the halls of Congress, it turns out.

Entering a legislative body as a legislator is sort of like sending a five-year-old to kindergarten. They’re going to come home with whatever little germie-nermie is floating around in the kindergarten extended family. Five-year-olds get the flu or a cough or maybe some other childhood disease. Legislators all get infected with their importantly righteous desire to control women. It’s a common virus which has existed in legislations and legislators since before the Eden Mall burned down.

It was because of the mall fire that the Garden of Eden Legislative body and Congressional committee on Mall development passed a law that no more malls were to be built until the 20th century. It wasn’t that the men of the Garden were anti-mall, they were anti Ione’s. The women would all go down there and start talking shit and pretty quick like a bunny they all be going uppity on the men. So, the men had to tan themselves and put those women in their places. They could easily tell if a woman was being uppity if she had a baby and the baby clearly wasn’t of the same race as the supposed father. So no, women may not lie to their old man by having an abortion. Didn’t God kick people out of the Garden because Adam didn’t control Eve? Pay attention, Adam! You have to make sure your woman is not lying like you do.

I’m sure all of you know this is pretty much tongue in cheek, except where it isn’t. There are currently a number of red states which have passed laws to prevent women from having autonomy. The legislators in those states are really up against it. They think that God, the one from back in the Garden of Eden, is still PO’ed at men for lying. God no doubt is PO’ed with men, but because men lie in order to control women. Maybe women enjoy a certain amount of manly manliness. I can understand that it’s got to be nice to not have to decide every major family decision. A man has to do something and it’s understandably sexy for a man to even act like he’s gotten over his lack of tanning experience.

This blog was first published on May 11, 2024.

The Wright’s View is a blog written by John Worthington and is presented by The Business of Forging Agreement.

For additional content in a daily email format, I invite you to subscribe to “The Wright’s View” on Substack. I write about the folly of the current political goings-on from outside of what the media presents in the hope of giving anyone who reads my blogs another vantage point to see beyond the minutiae of the everyday.