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Moscow's Calling - 33

Strategizing to stay relevant and keep the base

By Lana V LynxPublished about a year ago 3 min read

This conversation happened on September 16, 2024, after the news of an arrested potential shooter reached Russia.

“Hello, Donnie?!”

“Hello, Vlad.”

“Are you OK?”

“Yes, why?”

“What do you mean, why? Didn’t they just arrest another shooter that wanted to kill you?”

“Ah, that. My secret service told me that I was nowhere in his line of shot and they found him just in time. Just in time, Vlad. I already almost forgot about it.”

“You shouldn’t forget things like this, Donnie. Even though they call you the Teflon Don, one day someone may succeed in killing you if you are not careful.”

“Aww, Vlad, I am grateful that you are concerned. So grateful, you can’t even imagine. You think I should be more careful?”

“Of course. There are so many crazy people in the world. I also think it was smart of you to blame the Democrats for this botched assassination.”

“I am so tired of their platitudes! It’s their rhetoric, and their empty platitudes, Vlad, that send all these crazies my way. They all want to kill me!”

“Exactly. Keep pounding that message, Donnie, and play the victim. That appeals to your supporters and consolidates their love and admiration for you.”

“Right. That’s exactly what I’m doing. Seems to be working, too.”

“Great. Donnie, I’ve caught up on who Taylor Swift is and I think you should lay off talking about her.”

“I hate her, Vlad! I hate her so much! Can you imagine, she endorsed Harris and had so many of her fans register to vote! They will all vote against me, Vlad!”

“I understand, Donnie. But you should leave attacking her to other people. Don’t do it yourself, especially so openly on your Truth Social.”

“I can’t believe she is against me, Vlad. She is so beautiful, like this American girl next door, whom everyone loves. Did you know she started out as a country singer? A country singer, Vlad! All country singers support me! And she dates a famous football player! He is so famous, Vlad, they are like this cute power couple. Everybody is in love with them! How can she support Harris? By all measures, she should be supporting me!”

“I know, Donnie. But she is too powerful to meddle with. Does her boyfriend support you?”

“I honestly don’t know, Vlad. Even if he does, he probably wouldn’t tell openly. Wouldn’t tell, not to cause a rift with Taylor. All football players always support me, at least the white ones. If he were not dating her, he’d be my biggest fan.”

“Is there any way to find out for sure, Donnie?”

“I don’t know, why?”

“Because that could be a way to influence her. You can get to anyone through the people they love. Or at least neutralize her.”

“Neutralize??? You don’t mean to…”

“Of course not, Donnie. Killing her would do no good, only mobilize her fans even more. And why devoid the world of such major talent? I mean neutralize in the sense to make sure she keeps her mouth shut about the elections.”

“Ah, that makes sense. I’ll see if I can find out who Travis is going to vote for. You are right, that could be a good way in.”

“Also, Donnie, stay away from Laura Loomer. She is really damaging for you. You are ripping your base apart by favoring her. You can’t afford it now.”

“I know, Vlad. But she is so good to me, it’s really hard for me to give her up. She is so good… her lips…” [dreamily]

“Don’t even go there, Donnie. I’ve seen Milo’s twit, don’t even go there. Keep your kinks to yourself and keep Laura away.”

“But she is such a free spirit, and such a great fan, Vlad!”

“Well, then meet with her secretly somewhere. Just don’t parade her around, and don’t take her on your private plane. We all know what happens in those places.”

“Alright, Vlad. I have to go now.”

“Wait, Donnie, I wanted an update on your cryptocurrency launch.”

“I’ll tell you later, Vlad. It’s too new to see any results. Too new, just launched. I’ll call you later, bye.”

“Bye, Donnie.” [puzzled] “I wonder what all that rush was about.”

Trump, after hanging up, scrolling through X, “I need to see that stupid Milo’s twit.”

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About the Creator

Lana V Lynx

Avid reader and occasional writer of satire and short fiction. For my own sanity and security, I write under a pen name. My books: Moscow Calling - 2017 and President & Psychiatrist

@lanalynx.bsky.social

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Comments (12)

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  • Cindy Calderabout a year ago

    Awesome reality based humor from you, as always. I love these pieces.

  • Jamye Sharpabout a year ago

    Very entertaining. 🤣 Almost a little too scary real.

  • Andrea Corwin about a year ago

    The creeps do glom on to him and no matter - adulation is all he wants and is too stupid to see the harm.

  • Lamar Wigginsabout a year ago

    Funny how both attempts on his life were made by republicans. If that doesn't say anything about his party than I don't know what does. He's an embarrassment to his own party, lol. I know there are a lot of republicans who said outright they will be voting democrat. I can't imagine any democrats voting republican but I'm sure they're out there.

  • Ewww, Donnie is such a pervert, hahahahaha. I enjoyed reading this!

  • Denise E Lindquistabout a year ago

    Love these. Always a few chuckles for me!! 😊💕

  • Rachel Deemingabout a year ago

    Great satire as always. I could really hear Trump's voice in this. I didn't know who Laura Loomer is but I do now. Oh dear.

  • Cindy Calderabout a year ago

    Funny as always, even though Laura Loomer - and his seeming spell of attraction - is nearly scarier than Trump himself.

  • Deasun T. Smythabout a year ago

    The line: All football players always support me, at least the white ones. If he were not dating her, he’d be my biggest fan. That was really good. It made me laugh! Nice work 👍.

  • Andy Pottsabout a year ago

    "All country singers support me!" - made me laugh. And play a couple of tracks by the Chicks.

  • Rick Henry Christopher about a year ago

    Great satirical writing as always!!!

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