Joe Biden Entering the White House Gives Me Big 'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners' Energy

I'll preface this one by saying - America, I'm sorry. And also, disclaimer, I don't assume that everything will be sunshine and fairy shit under the Biden/Harris presidency. Politicians will be crap, always. However, the last four years has not been easy on you. In fact, the present is not easy on you. Our boy Joe feat. Queen Kamala have got a long road ahead, and a big ol' mess to clean up.

Every time an article starring our boy Trump was released, a press conference held, a new law changed and passed, I would, in solidarity with my friends overseas, have a 'Marge Simpson just ruined her chanel suit' moment.

People often say to me "Why do you care so much about US politics? You should focus on what's going on at home!"

Well, for one thing - the U.S of A has been an absolute circus. I'm like Trump staring directly into a bloody eclipse - I just can't look away.

It's been shocking. It's been like a live true crime documentary happening before our very eyes. But really, Australia and America have traditionally been pretty tight. I order my T-shirts from you and stuff. What happens in America tends to affect our economy, our politics. Among other atrocious acts, Trump has withdrawn from the Paris agreement which (while not exactly likely to halt the effects of climate change) is a big indicator of which world leaders are even mildly interested in taking action. America's a huge contributor to emissions, and if changes aren't made, that means more apocalyptic bushfire seasons for us. Additionally, if Trumpy had chucked one of his tanties and hit the nuclear button in a petulant rage, our Aussie military would have had to join the resulting war like the good, nice, passive allies we are. Yeah, I personally think it's important to keep an eye on what's going on internationally.

Overnight (the proceedings starting 2am Aus time), President Biden and Vice President Harris were sworn in - ushering in a sigh of relief across, well, the world. I'm sure the two best buddies are absolutely frothing at the mouth to get their little bums into the oval office in order to get things moving in the right direction (or rather, a relatively normal direction). And the mental image of it is giving me big obsessive compulsive cleaner vibes.

For those who haven't seen Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners, the British reality series (for which apparently there's an American version) follows a group of cleaners, some who've been diagnosed with OCD, others who haven't; but who still clean their homes sometimes for around 6 hours per day or more. These lovers of order and bleach are enlisted to use their decluttering skills to return Britain's filthiest homes to a livable state - getting themselves a little exposure therapy in the process, so they can learn to spend less time cleaning and more quality time with their family and friends. Meanwhile, their as their slightly messier counterparts see their homes spotless for the first time, they're finally able to understand how a tidy home can do wonders for your mental health and sense of self worth.

While of course the name and concept may be a bit cringeworthy for OCD sufferers, adding to the stereotype that OCD is just 'being really tidy' and not a serious mental illness, the show is addictive, entertaining, and wholesome. I never thought a show about cleaning would make me cry, but when an old man who's not been able to clean his house since his wife's death is finally able to let go, and when an OCD hoarder and an OCD cleaner discover their common ground and use their differences to help each other - I get a little misty. Far out though - the best part of the show is when the cleaners first enter these so-called messy homes (I mean, the more boring episodes just look like my bedroom after a long work week), but the reactions are bloody priceless.

My favourite is Claire. Watch her - and picture Joe. There's just something about the soft hint of distain in her voice as she gingerly steps around Charlie's piles of trash, her exclamation upon her discovery of the week old risotto, the way she visibly recoils inside herself as Charlie shamelessly admits that the dust on his bed "isn't dust - it's dandruff". Charlie's home is as cluttered as Joe Biden's to-do list. From speaking at Oval office meetings for hours on end to undo Trump's cooked policies, Joe's voice will be as hoarse as a British mother of two who spends 16 hours per day sucking in bleach, as she scrubs her toilet bowl till the point where it's clean enough to eat soup directly out of. Joe's set with the enormous task of cleaning up not just a home, but an entire nation - and the before and after reveal is set to be just as satisfying as witnessing an old living room cleared of its cobwebs, a toilet relieved of its poo stains, a bed sheet washed and dried and absolved of, apparently, dandruff.

Maybe it's just me - I love seeing the dirty come clean. Like when you go to the beach or on a really long sweaty hike - and then you get to have that shower. Mate, I can't wait to see the USA's homelessness rate drop, for the hospitals to clear out as the Covid spread lessens, for the death toll to drop, for the American class gap to, potentially, lesson. I've been cackling with borderline insane glee this morning at the mental image of Joe Biden sifting through Trump's desk drawer, only to pull out a hand covered in mysterious sticky substances, paralysed with disgust and only able to utter two words in response: "that's rank." The past four years have been rank, and it's time for Joe to get in there with his metaphorical steam cleaner and sort it out.

In summation of this weird parallel I've decided to draw today, after very little sleep and too much coffee this morning, it's with much love and respect that I wish only the cleanest, squeakiest, bleachy smelling country for you from now on, America.

OCD cleaners can be watched on Amazon Prime in Australia, some episodes also air on Youtube.