I Know that I Don’t Know
A stream of consciousness, and a call for empathy: Written in light of racial tragedies
I haven’t known what to say. I am heavy with the weight of the world, not silent to it. But I know my voice is not the most important one. I believe that harm to any of us, effects each and every one of us. I believe we need to stand up for the ones being harmed. Last night I fell asleep with the words “I can’t understand how the white man never understood how to handle the hue man properly”. And I just keep turning those words over and over “Hue man. Human. Clever, and real”. I don’t sleep at night when my fellow human is suffering, knowing violence and hate are so rampant.
I cried staring at the pictures of Breonna Taylor’s beautiful smiling face. She was my age. She had a life worth living. I marveled at the spiritual grace of Curtis Flowers, a black man who spent 21 years in a jail cell on death row for a crime he was never properly convicted of: processed 6 times by the same corrupt, racist D.A. When I heard his story I seethed in anger that they held him so long. But he wasn’t angry, he was faithful. He spoke only of his gratitude to be with his family, and his faith that got him through those years. I’ve had the words “mama” and the name George Floyd in my head since I heard the news, and I can’t think these words without a flood from my eyes. As so many of us, or at least myself has contemplated my immortality, surely we can feel his. I’ve always hoped my time would come with a chance to say a last goodbye to my own mama, to my own loved ones. George Floyd’s chance to say goodbye to his daughter was stolen from him.
I grieve for the little ones like Gianna who had her father ripped away. I grieve for the little girl on her father’s shoulders at a protest with a rubber bullet gun pointed at her face. For the little boys who are told at an early age how to watch out and protect themselves from becoming targets. They are not learning in vain, but I grieve for the lessons they have to learn so young. I wonder what their impressions of this world will be. What they will take into the next generation.
For many years I have taken the time to study systematic oppression, poverty, education and prison pipelines (if you haven’t heard the term pipeline, you may want to study too), history and privilege. I recognize that studying these things rather than experiencing them is a privilege in itself. History is a very long story with so much information that many (probably including myself) don’t understand. It’s difficult for people to understand because we are all so clouded by our personal experiences. Many don’t take the opportunities or the willingness to learn. To me, that is a grave part of the problem.
During this recent upheaval I’ve had to revisit the meaning of privilege. Sometimes I have felt injustices in my own life, and that’s okay to acknowledge. But it’s not about me and every life right now. It’s about the ones that need immediate support.
I am trying to humble myself. It’s possible I didn’t receive all of the privileges they speak of. After all, these issues are layered. But the privileges that I did receive based on the color of my skin are worth acknowledging.
I do grieve the atrocities law enforcement has committed. I watch the videos of officers committing horrendous, violent acts. The eyes exploded by rubber bullets. The tear gas. The protesting men and women seemingly shoved and beaten for simply standing and speaking up. The cars ramming into human beings. I don’t know what’s media, and what’s actually happening out there sometimes. But I see it, and it turns my stomach.
I also sometimes grieve for the good men and women in law enforcement, too. Some I have known personally, and others I suspect are out there. They aren’t all violent monsters that enjoy an excuse to exercise racism. They don’t all wish to harm others. Some are nerdy Star Wars fans, cuddle bugs, loving fathers, sons and daughters. Some are the people that you grew up playing Barbies and Kick the Can with. Some are people of color themselves. They don’t easily forget the calls when they have to respond to dead children, and many other atrocities that are a part of their jobs. They don’t use their real names on Facebook for their own safety. They aren’t immune to fear for their own lives, or the lives of their loved ones. They grieve and they mourn. Some call their neighbors to check on them. Some take underprivileged kids shopping at Christmas. Some worked hard for their careers. They believed they were doing the right thing in the name of justice. They are part of a broken and divided system that fails them. A system that continuously fails people of color, and has throughout American history. A system that is failing us all.
I took the time to learn the mission of Black Lives Matter. I signed petitions. I donated to causes I support, though my personal bank account is very low. I found an excellent organization “Campaign Zero” which outlines detailed, and well thought out proposals for police reform. They proposed some very viable solutions that should be considered. I blacked out my Instagram, and took that time to learn. That single black square will stay on my profile as a reminder long after the protests end. I still don’t feel like it’s enough, because I know this is not over.
I will continue to love, and I will continue to feel. I will vow to treat those in my community and everywhere I go with dignity, respect and kindness. That is what I believe in. But I know it’s not enough, and it won’t be enough until large-scale change occurs. Above all else we need solutions and we need to start immediately. That’s where I don’t have the answers I wish I had. How do we undo decades of damage? How many people will it take? How many generations will it perpetuate? How many people will have to die before we take the issue seriously? And if we take it seriously, can we also take it compassionately and empathetically?
The only thing I can say for sure in all of this, is that I know that I don’t know. And I hope to keep learning.
I believe that we are all deeply connected as humans...
I can’t sleep until you can sleep peacefully.
I CAN’T BREATHE until you have the rights and protections to.
I am not black, but I hear you.
I am not black, but I see you.
I am not black, but I stand with you.
I am not black, but I love you.
About the Creator
Taylor Michelle
I've been told that writing is among my most successful skills. I disagree. Every writer needs an introspective heart, and a story to tell. Perhaps the true gifts are the experiences, and the ability to express the magic of everyday life
Keep reading
More stories from Taylor Michelle and writers in The Swamp and other communities.
You Didn’t Hear Me Protest
I understand why protests get violent and peace turns to riot. Anybody who’s ever had a relationship with an oppressive or abusive person can understand the logic behind it. If you’ve never experienced it, here is my best explanatory breakdown, modeled from my own experience:
By Taylor Michelle5 years ago in The Swamp
Europe and South America Seal a Trade Pact for the Trump Era
A Deal Decades in the Making After more than two decades of negotiations, Europe and South America have finally moved closer to sealing one of the world’s largest trade agreements: the EU–Mercosur pact. Covering the European Union and the Mercosur bloc—Brazil, Argentina, Uruguay, and Paraguay—the agreement represents a market of nearly 780 million people. But what makes this moment especially significant is timing. The deal is being framed, openly and strategically, as preparation for a potential return of Donald Trump-era trade policies. In a world where tariffs, trade wars, and “America First” rhetoric reshaped global commerce, Europe and South America are signaling that they want stability, predictability, and diversification—before geopolitical shocks force their hand again. Why the Trump Era Still Shapes Global Trade Even years after leaving office, Donald Trump’s approach to trade continues to influence global economic planning. His presidency normalized aggressive tariffs, skepticism toward multilateral agreements, and a willingness to weaponize trade for political goals. With Trump once again a central figure in U.S. politics, governments around the world are preparing for renewed uncertainty. For the EU, the lesson was clear: overdependence on any single market—especially the United States—creates vulnerability. For South American economies long reliant on commodity exports and limited trade partners, the risk is even greater. The EU–Mercosur pact is, in many ways, a hedge against a future where access to the U.S. market becomes more restricted or unpredictable. What the EU–Mercosur Agreement Promises At its core, the agreement aims to eliminate tariffs on more than 90% of goods traded between the two regions. European exporters—particularly carmakers, machinery producers, and pharmaceutical companies—stand to gain improved access to South American markets. In return, Mercosur countries would benefit from easier entry for agricultural exports such as beef, soy, sugar, and poultry into Europe. Beyond tariffs, the pact includes provisions on: Rules of origin, making it easier for businesses to qualify for preferential treatment Public procurement, opening government contracts to foreign companies Intellectual property protections, important for European brands Sustainable development commitments, including labor rights and environmental standards Supporters argue that this combination creates a modern, rules-based trade framework that strengthens both regions economically and politically. The Environmental and Political Backlash Despite its economic promise, the agreement remains controversial—especially in Europe. Environmental groups and some EU member states argue that increased agricultural exports from South America could accelerate deforestation in the Amazon. French farmers, in particular, fear being undercut by cheaper South American beef produced under looser environmental and animal welfare standards. These concerns stalled ratification for years. What has changed now is political urgency. European leaders increasingly view the pact as a strategic necessity, even if it requires side agreements, enforcement mechanisms, or sustainability add-ons to address critics. In short, geopolitical pressure is outweighing political hesitation. South America’s Strategic Calculation For Mercosur nations, the deal is about more than trade—it’s about relevance. South America has often found itself caught between major powers: the United States, China, and the European Union. By deepening ties with Europe, Mercosur countries gain leverage, diversification, and access to technology and investment. Brazil, the bloc’s largest economy, sees the pact as a way to modernize its industrial base and attract European capital. Argentina, struggling with inflation and debt, hopes expanded exports will stabilize its economy. Smaller members like Uruguay and Paraguay view the agreement as a gateway to global markets they otherwise struggle to reach. Importantly, the pact also reduces overreliance on China, which has become South America’s dominant trading partner over the past decade. A Message to Washington While no official statement names the United States, the message is unmistakable. Europe and South America are preparing for a world where U.S. trade policy may once again turn inward. By locking in long-term access to each other’s markets, they are insulating themselves from sudden tariff shocks or political bargaining. This doesn’t mean cutting ties with the U.S.—far from it. Instead, it reflects a broader shift toward a multipolar trade system, where regions rely less on a single economic superpower. If Trump-era policies return, Washington may find that its traditional partners have already adapted. Challenges Still Ahead Sealing the deal politically is not the same as implementing it smoothly. Ratification still requires approval from EU institutions and member states, some of which remain skeptical. Monitoring environmental commitments will be crucial, as failure could reignite opposition and undermine public trust. There is also the risk that domestic politics—on either side of the Atlantic—could derail progress. Elections, leadership changes, and economic downturns all have the power to slow or reshape the agreement. Yet compared to previous years, momentum now appears stronger than resistance. What This Means for Global Trade If finalized, the EU–Mercosur pact would be one of the largest trade agreements in history. More importantly, it would signal that multilateral trade deals are not dead—even in an era of nationalism and protectionism. For businesses, it means new supply chains and investment opportunities. For governments, it offers a template for balancing economic growth with environmental responsibility. And for the global system, it represents a quiet but firm pushback against trade isolationism. Final Thoughts Europe and South America sealing a trade pact for the Trump era is not about the past—it’s about the future. It reflects a world learning from recent disruptions and choosing cooperation over confrontation. Whether the agreement lives up to its promise will depend on enforcement, trust, and political will. But one thing is clear: as uncertainty looms, regions are no longer waiting to react. They are preparing in advance—and reshaping global trade without asking Washington for permission.
By Muhammad Hassan2 days ago in The Swamp
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.