Joe Exotic Chic

2020 certainly held an emergence of a million things that I’m certain that most of us would rather just forget. However, since the alteration of society’s new norms took over, I’d like to bring up one of those such occurrences for me.

Oddly, I’m 100% for the wearing of masks, and social distancing on a permanent basis since it’s made going out in public a touch more bearable for my inner gremlin. Plus, have you seen some of the matching mask to clothes ensembles (looking at you House Speaker Pelosi, fashion and safety goals!). Instead, My ire is turned toward something else that emerged...again. Now, I am not straight out of Harper’s Bazaar, nor am I an influencer in any social media circle, and my sense of style is 100% mombie (mom/zombie, get it?), who sometimes manages to put on makeup in the morning to have some sense of decorum, so I have no professional opinion when it comes to what you’re about to hear. However, as someone who managed to survive 34 years of this earth rotating about the sun, I have some fashion grievances that are as follows:

• Pink camouflage. What are you flippin’ hiding in? A Pepto Bismol bottle?

• Yellow camouflage. Once again, are you hiding in a bee hive? Please, stop!

• Disney themed apparel for plus sized women. No, I’m not talking about the cute mainstream Disney stuff that Torrid releases, I’m talking the Winnie the Pooh and Mickey apparel that is usually stocked up in Wal-Mart. Just, why? If I wanted to dress like my daughter and her standard obsession with Minnie Mouse, I’d find something else.

• Ripped jeans. I’m sorry...WHY is this a thing? Why would anyone pay $100 or more for jeans with holes in them? I’m so confused! If I wanted to fall onto this bandwagon, I’d go grab a pair of jeans from Wal-Mart and give my son some scissors to rip them up for me. Look out, Gucci, here I come!

• Tye Dye. Okay, come on y’all. When is the last time you really enjoyed tye dye? When you were making it yourself in summer camp? The 60s?

However, the worst by far, has been the re-emergence of the animal print fad. UGH! Haven’t we beaten this one to death yet? Of all the things to make a comeback, it couldn’t be the super retro pin up fashion with halter or button down dresses and color coordinated shoes. No. It had to be animal print. It’s as if the creation of Tiger King has got everyone whipped up in some kind of Joe Exotic Chic, and I just don’t GET it! What on earth is the appeal? Is it supposed to make you feel elegant? Powerful? Like a tigress or a leopardess on the prowl? I must have missed that day in school when they taught us that.

Or, is it some shout out to our childhoods where painting our faces up like aforementioned animal gave us the opportunity to pretend that we were, in fact, that animal? It seems that the face painting is reserved for kids and Broadway, so this is what we’re left with? Please, count me out on this one. I just can’t justify buying this stuff!

Ironically, I was gifted a dark toned leopard print/cheetah print shirt for Christmas some years ago (thanks grandma!) so even my attempts of keeping that stuff out of my wardrobe have been thwarted. My daughter has also beed gifted copious amounts of animal print, however, wearing it does coax her to run around and roar like a queen leopard on the prowl which is prime ‘look at the sweet toddler’ video fodder for the grandparents. However, when it comes to me, I will stick to my lined leggings and sweaters for a few more years, thanks!