Find Your Nonsense Talker

You know that kind of relationship? The one where you can send a completely nonsensical text at 3 a.m., like, "If penguins could fly, would they need to wear tuxedos?" And not only will the other person not think you're crazy, but they'll actually think it through and reply, "Of course they do. A sense of ritual is important."

That's what I mean by someone you can "talk shit about."

In this complex world, we Black women already carry so much—we have to be strong, exceptional, and resilient. We prove ourselves in the workplace, support others at home, and serve as role models in our communities. But when we get home and take off our armor, we don't need someone who demands our "depth."

We need someone who allows us to be completely relaxed and ourselves.

He'll debate with you about who has had a greater cultural impact, Beyoncé or Rihanna, even if you've already discussed the topic a dozen times; he'll listen to you recount the most trivial details of your work and genuinely find them amusing; he'll laugh with you when you suddenly recall an embarrassing incident from ten years ago.

And do you know when you need this "bullshit space" the most?

It's when you need to truly relax. Like when you finish a long day and carefully remove your cozy glueless lace wigs made with Burmese curly bundles, letting your scalp finally breathe—that's the ritual of transitioning from public persona to private self. In that moment, you no longer need to maintain any facade, speak with purpose, or think logically. You can just be you, the authentic you who talks bullshit.

True intimacy is never built on grand declarations, but rather hidden in these seemingly meaningless, everyday conversations. It's the peace of mind that allows you to be in your pajamas, your hair tied up casually, and without makeup, and still feel appreciated and understood.

Too many relationships die in silence, in the pain of two people sitting on the same couch but living in different worlds. And "nonsense" is that bridge; it carries no important information, but it carries the warmth of emotion.

So, my sisters, when you're looking for a partner, don't just ask about their life plans and career goals. Try sharing some of the strange ideas that pop into your head and see if they're willing to enter your world. The person you can chat about "nonsense" with is likely the one you can go the distance with.

After all, life is serious enough, and love should give us the chance to be children again—children who can still marvel at simple things and laugh at trivial things.

Find someone you can chat about nonsense with. Because when the hustle and bustle fades, when all social masks are removed, when even the most convenient glueless wigs are no longer needed, the person who still finds you interesting, lovable, and worth listening to is the one with whom you truly connect with your soul.

In those late nights and early mornings filled with endless nonsense lies the truest form of love.