At 28, I Finally Realized...

When the world tries to define and limit us, we constantly search for our true power. At 28, I finally understood that nurturing ourselves is the smartest investment in life.

This isn't about luxuries or indulgence, but a profound awakening: we are our own most important asset.

True nurturing begins with acceptance.

Dear, nurturing yourself first means fully accepting every inch of your skin and every curl of your hair. In a world that often questions our beauty, say to yourself, "My black skin is a kiss of the sun, and my curls are the wisdom of our ancestors." I used to hate my curls, often opting for straight wigs or bundles to hide them. But now, I embrace them wholeheartedly. Even when I wear a wig, I choose a natural Burmese curly wig in glueless wigs.

Every morning, when I look in the mirror, I say, "Mo ni ewa"—"I have beauty"—in Yoruba. This self-affirmation isn't vanity, but defiance. When we deeply acknowledge our own worth, the world's perception of us changes.

Spiritual Nourishment: Feed Your Hungry Soul

What is our spiritual food? It's books that tell our stories, art that depicts our lives, and music that makes our souls dance.

Build your "Spiritual Nourishment" list:

Read a book by a Black woman author every month

Set aside two hours a week, completely uninterrupted, to do things that make your heart sing

Learn our history—not to dwell on the past, but to understand where we came from so we can better understand where we're going

Establish Boundaries: Walls Around Your Sacred Space

As Black women, we're often expected to be everyone's pillar of support—strong mothers, loyal wives, dedicated employees. But nourishing yourself means knowing how to say "no" and setting healthy boundaries.

Remember: You are not a free resource for everyone. Your time, energy, and emotions are valuable and should be invested in those who truly value you.

Financial Wisdom: Build Your Kingdom

Financial independence is the freedom our ancestors dreamed of. Nurturing yourself also includes managing your finances wisely:

Learn the basics of investing and make your money work for you.

Support Black women-owned businesses.

Plan for the future, whether it's buying a home, starting a business, or planning for retirement.

Financial freedom isn't selfish; it's the safety net we give ourselves.

Body Temple: Listen to its wisdom.

Our bodies carry the memories and strength of generations. Nurture them, not punish them.

Find ways to move that make you feel alive—perhaps African dance or yoga.

Nourish yourself with nutritious foods and enjoy the richness and flavor of our traditional cuisine.

Get regular checkups. Our health issues are often overlooked by the medical system. Be an advocate for your own wellness.

Continuous Growth: Always be the best version of yourself. Nurturing yourself is an ongoing journey, not a destination. Learn new skills, explore uncharted territory, and push your limits. Remember the courage of our ancestors who journeyed across vast distances—explorers are in our blood.

Sisterhood: We Grow Together. No one thrives alone. Build a network of sisters—women who understand your journey, support your dreams, and remind you how strong you are when you feel like giving up. Together, we enrich not only ourselves but our entire community.

At 28, I learned a life-changing lesson: When you start treating yourself like your most valuable asset, the world will follow.

You're not here to survive. You're here to thrive, to bloom, to shine. Invest in yourself, nourish yourself, and watch how the world responds to your value.

Because, dear, you are worth it—worth everything good, worth being cherished, worth taking up space, worth having a voice.

You are already a pearl; now start treating yourself like one.