Your My Insecurity

I have now found a new hobby and that is writing letters to parts of me that I struggle with. My mind and my thoughts are an endless battle. This battle originates from life experiences. I shouldn’t think that circumstances will continue to reoccur or if someone cheated me that means everyone else will. I should be strong enough to know I need to heal and not to drag anyone into my darkness. Everyone goes through trauma, heartbreak or loss in their life, if it starts to affect your wellbeing and relationship then working on them is vital.

I have a letter below that is for my insecurity which haunts me on a daily basis.

Dear Insecure Mind,

These are the conversations I have with you; they make me anxious and sometimes sick to my stomach.

I know exactly what she looks like babe, I know she’s size 8 and beautiful. Your response to this is mind blowing, how can you assume these things babe? You’ve never had a reason to think this way, maybe you’re the one who’s cheating. Babe believe what you want to believe.

BELIEVE WHAT I WANT TO BELIEVE, IM NOT GOING MAD BECAUSE………...

You're fuck feels sweeter, your touch seems smoother, your voice sounds more sensual, tell me now who the fuck is changing you? The way you move it’s like someone taught you how to be this way. You walk with a spring in your step, you're happy to leave me and go to work. Is it really work you’re going to? Where is he going, and why can’t I come to? I don’t want to question you, so I question myself. These irrational thoughts I have can never be true, after all you’ve always said I’m the only girl for you.

Who are you making fall in love with you though? It can’t be me against her. I’ve come too far in this relationship to be battling insecure thoughts. Oh, baby all those nights you made me scream it didn’t mean a thing to you did it. I thought we were spicing things up but maybe I’m just your sloppy afters. All the grabbing, sweating, licking and tickling I know it’s what you do with her.

I just hold my head and scream whenever I see you or think of you. My hearts races with discomfort and fear because I wonder if you're sleeping with another.

I worry that you’ll find somebody new and all your fantasies will come true. She’ll want to make love to you on a daily. Maybe she’ll fuck you wild and make you keep coming back, is she already doing this? Come on you can tell me, if you respect me you will.

So many questions as I write this that will never be answered, it’s not nice being cheated on.

There it is, I’ve stopped mid page and I see what you’re saying, I’ve been hurt in the past and now you’ve become a victim of my issues. It shouldn’t be this way; I’m just so fucking insecure baby. Baby hear me out, hear me when I tell you, I know you love me, and I know you haven’t changed.

I see into all your ways and think so deep, I see issues that don’t even exist. I’m now sitting here scared that I may push you away. You take all these problems on with a pinch of salt. How can you stay when all I do is not trust you? I just love you so much that I think someone else may want to have that love to.

Insecure mind please give me a break, I’m begging you. I only want to breathe from all this and go on with my relationship. I don’t want to doubt my man, I just want to love him and have a peace of mind.

Love Me xxx

I can’t explain the struggle I go through on a daily. I just hope I can overcome this fear of losing you to a next bitch.