Your Body Definitely Keeps The Score

That is one massive (albeit alarming) statistic. No wonder why we can all feel a bit f*cked up, or the world certainly does, if our garden has been watered accordingly, and all of the relevant weeds have been pulled out - metaphorically speaking of course. The author of the book by the same title (The Body Keeps The Score), Bessel van der Kolk paves the way for a grounding, heavy, eye opening yet awesome read into the human psyche; and (of course) trauma plays a significant role. All of our not so positive thoughts and setbacks to teach us lesson after lesson are all the epitome of trauma. This is why life can feel like smooth sailing for a small percentage of people; while for the majority of us, life is blighted with issue after issue, all thanks to the subconscious. (And that includes all of those circumstances in the opening image of this article.)

It is all unconscious, although to help our bodies know that they are keeping score is by identifying our Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) score as a necessary starting point. In summary, the higher your ACE score, the more trauma and pain your body and psyche is holding on to - the more trauma and adversities significantly leading to such during your childhood, and beyond if unresolved. This test asks a series of questions, and does not sugarcoat traumatic events. Abuse is beyond kicking and slapping a child. Emotional abuse also comes in the form of cutting a child's hair if there is one knot in it, to making a child wear underpants of the opposite gender, because they happen to be more "comfortable." Having absent parents worrying about the cost of living, and/or their own health battles easily adds a point (should be one point per parent) to a person's ACE score; no different to your parents getting a divorce.

Your parents not giving you the attention and the time of day you need is enough to shift the wheel to trauma, codependencies and ultimately, addictions. All of these show up in the mind, and also in the body.

It is a shame that the ACE score questionnaire (although hitting the mark) does not ask about being bullied in school, because that too can leave physical but mainly psychological scars.

How can you expect someone to be grounded with these scars? You cannot be grounded in such circumstances, because your body (metaphorically speaking again) is too busy hauling that trauma through excessive baggage; no different to carrying a bucket of bricks. It leaves barely any room, unless such an individual is able to introduce some softness and gentleness to their mind, body and soul somehow.

Therapy and coaching is great, yet from personal experience on both sides of the therapy coin; it can take at least three months for people to feel safe, seen and heard in an authentic way. Your spirit is undergoing a form of recovery, in order to introduce some space and softness around trauma, pain, pain bodies, addictions, and codependencies (this also includes narcissism). No different to my orthopaedic and trauma surgeons telling me that it will take at least this same amount of time for my recently fractured left distal fibula (ankle) and surrounding ligaments from soft tissue injury from the same accident to fully heal. The same goes for red blood cells after an iron infusion. Same with the uterine lining after an operation on the womb. (From Cancer to a fractured ankle in 2025, yours truly has lived experience on this. Time for some more spring cleaning.)

Therapy is one way of softening and healing, yet know that it takes time. Engaging in some shadow and inner work (for example, breath work, inner child meditations, trauma sensitive yoga, listening to solfeggio frequencies for emotional healing, and deep rest to name) work just as effectively; yet time heals all wounds, and that includes trauma.

If your body is not balanced, feedback will come in the form of aches and pains as a warning. If ignored, and/or if you keep achieving and manifesting too much too soon; illness and/or injury will come to slow you down, to ground you to listen to your body, so that the score is leaning on your side abundantly. You cannot change your ACE score, yet you can change how your body is keeping score as of right now, starting with any healing modality that resonates; even if you lean on YouTube as a starting point.

Talk therapy (although fantastic for many people) does not always reach the somatic level where trauma is stored. Additional healing options include (but are not limited to) EMDR and Neurofeedback - as well as some form of mindful movement.

If you were abused as a child, and you are currently in an abusive relationship; that is also a telltale sign of your body also keeping the score. Trauma also shows up in how we manage our money, and in our career and other life trajectories. Once I forgave my birth father for his abandonment, and for having intimacy with an unwell person in an extra-marital affair; that was when I stopped attracting father figures and men just like my father into my romantic relationships.

The fight/flight/freeze response is a by-product of trauma, and that leads to more stress. Having an unaligned posture is also due to trauma.

When the body is free of stress, the nervous system is able to regulate, and that affects every single organ in our bodies. When our nervous system is in a parasympathetic state, our gut functions (which means that we are regular, and the quality of you know what is great), and this all helps in clearer decision making, and being grounded also increases our resilience to heal, and to deal with tough times.

Every human is entitled to a vice, because that is what makes living worthwhile, and gives us all a bit of sweetness for our hard work.

If you can enjoy a piece of milk chocolate, and you have the ability to save the rest for another day, then you are not addicted to milk chocolate. On the other hand, if once you have a piece, and before you know it, all you are left with is some paper and silver foil, then something is clearly up. Trauma is the culprit.

There are a myriad of addictions, from s*x (beyond p*rn), smart phone use, screen time to drinking, shopping, over-cleaning and over-spending to name. None of us are perfection; yet there is clearly a void that the ego is needing to fill. Trauma is addictive and damaging to our goals, psyche and values.

Eckhart Tolle talks about our pain bodies, that usually erupts in anger if they are being attacked with like minded pain bodies, or through something that triggers that eruption. Addiction and codependencies (people pleasing) is the pain bodies response to trauma. The key is to be aware and fully present to it, and to not judge. Softness can then come in, and a change of perspective is ever so helpful. The latter can boost our self esteem and confidence (which trauma also blows out).

In times of healing, it is important to protect your energy; yet overprotecting your energy is another addiction from codependency that can rob us of quality time with others, even though everyone is dealing with their own demons.

Trusting your intuition on when to rest, and when to be with others is something simple, yet ever so special. Once again, our bodies keep the score.

Life can be boring, and it can also be unfair. Not every day is rainbows and sunshine. The best form of investment you can ever make is in yourself. Stephen Covey brings up the importance of sharpening your saw in life, because with the pace of life, and with healing your past traumas, the saw can get blunt from time to time.

Show up manifesting with a blunt saw, you are going to land into some roadblocks and setbacks, which can include an accident that can keep you at home and off your feet for a little bit, despite not being stupid or reckless in that moment when life turns upside down for you.

Change your perspective on those dull moments, because with duality, the nicer more flowery moments will show up in faith, and when you consistently do the work on yourself to be and to do better. Life (and our bodies) are spectacularly clever in giving us feedback as to when we are balanced or unbalanced. Boredom and unhappiness is a sign of life not being in balance; yet you have the power to initiate constructive and positive changes in your life, more than you realise; even if that change starts by forgiving yourself before you forgive others for any actual or perceived wrongdoings towards you.

Having an attitude of gratitude for the areas of your life that are going great really puts things into perspective. In the span of a few days, a few friends were complaining to me about life being boring while able bodied (while I am temporarily disabled mind you); all the knowing that they have survived way worse, while another friend has been sectioned under the mental health act, due to being in an abusive relationship (an obvious trauma loop there unfortunately); yet is complaining about not having deodorant, or able to recharge his phone while in hospital. Being grateful for the simplest of things (for example, for having deodorant to use in the first place) that we often take for granted by default (as part of being human, until these simplicities are taken away) is a massive dopamine and perspective enhancer.

As at the time of writing, 2025 has been a massive year, I am not going to sugarcoat it. (Then again, it is a numerology year 9, and the year of the snake - completions and endings). Therefore (if you are reading this article in 2025 and/or in 2026 - know that new beginnings are either here, or just around the corner.) Forgiveness feels great. It raises your frequency and life force energy towards more abundance, joy and happiness in life. It does not get rid of the trauma and any associated pain body right away; yet forgiveness transmutes pain and suffering. Know that we are all supported. If love and gratitude were not the two uttermost positive emotions that a human being can experience despite their adversities; then this article (nor the psyche community at Vocal Media) would exist. We are supported.

There is a massive spring clean going on right now, where the body always keeps the score. Walk away from trauma. Transmute and heal it. I shall leave you with a song that is so appropriate and fitting to holding onto something that should finally be disposed of, and that is usually something as intangible as trauma, addictions, and codependencies. (As you've made it this far, you are doing great, and thank you profusely for your support in return.) Walk Away by Xavier Rudd: